This month marks the release of my debut Harlequin Heartwarming book, Her Texas Rebel. As exciting as this month has been, part of me is scared to death that it also marks the end of my writing career. Wait. What? You just published your first book and you’re already talking about it being over? Hogwash, you say?
No, I’m not throwing in the towel and quitting. I love writing and couldn’t stop if I wanted to. But I will be the first to admit that I wasn’t as ready for my dreams to come true as I thought I was. Part of being a published author means that now I have to prove to my agent, my editor, and my publisher that I can produce. No one wants to throw a party to celebrate a new, upcoming author and then have to wait five years for the next book. It’s bad. Trust me. It’s bad.
The day I announced I’d sold my first book to Harlequin, I got a wonderful note of congratulations from our friend Tina. Along with a few words of wisdom. “It’s time to make some hard decisions. You can’t go on like this forever and be a published author.”
Boy, was she right. (Isn’t she always?) I’m a public school teacher during the day. I own and run a tumbling business in the evenings. I babysit my granddaughter on the weekends. And last year I ran a national contest for my writing chapter. Every moment of every day was packed. I was right in the middle of all this when I got my contract. Throw in buying a new house and moving in there somewhere too.
So at the peak of what should’ve been the most exciting time of my life, I felt like I was at the bottom of a well that I couldn’t get out of. By the time I got home at night, I was drained. The last thing I wanted to do was write. Weekends were out most of the time. Saturday’s were spent with my granddaughter and although I was able to write a few words in between naps, the day was usually unproductive. And Sundays? Forget it. Even though my husband tried to be supportive of my writing career, every time I sat down at the computer on Sunday, he rolled his eyes and said “So this is all we’re going to do all day?” or “At the computer again?” Feeling guilty for neglecting my husband, I often closed my laptop to go wherever my husband wanted to go.
Shortly before I got my contract, I’d submitted a second book that was about 75% done, to the same editor. She thought it had potential and wanted to see it when it was finished. As badly as I wanted to finish the book and turn it into my agent, my writer brain wasn’t working. After a few weeks of not writing, my characters began scolding me, guilt set in and stress shot up. I started resenting my husband, my job, my business and everyone that posted those glorious “THE END” pictures on social media.
I looked at other writing friends who had more than one job, some of them also attended school full time and were raising a family, and thought, I can do this. I just have to manage my time better. Getting up earlier in the mornings to write before I left for school? Did that for months. Staying up late and working after the hubby went to bed? Did that too. But my heart wasn’t where it should be. I was drained. Totally. Completely drained. Life had pushed me into the dirt and all because of my own doing.
But I pressed on. Getting up earlier. Staying up later. When my agent emailed me to tell me that my editor was getting really antsy for my next book and wanted to know when he could expect it, I was so excited. It refreshed me and I got excited again. Because it was about 3 chapters until being completely done, I told him it would be done in three weeks. Easily doable. Right? HA!
Being mentally and physically exhausted, my immune system was down and for the first time in fifteen years as a public school teacher, every little germ my darlings came to school with found its way to me. I spent over a week in bed and even more days fighting illness. My critique partners all scolded me for letting myself get so worn out. One of them even threatened to hold an intervention to force me to get things off my plate.
Even though it took a little longer than expected, I finished as quickly as I could and promised it to my agent that weekend. Finally. Almost done. Then, Saturday, my granddaughter pulled my laptop off the table and the flash drive that holds all my information was broken off into the computer and the computer refused to turn on. Add a couple of weeks for the computer to be repaired and the contents of the flash drive to be restored. Except the file was corrupted. And the motherboard had been replaced so the automatic saves that my programs did was lost. Thank goodness I’d backed up some of the manuscript to Dropbox and was able to recover it, but I still had five chapters that were gone.
Lost.
By this time, I was ready to throw in the towel. Because, after all, by this time, I’m sure my agent has lost complete faith in me. My editor will just laugh and say “LeAnne who?” the next time she sees my name. Yep. Stick a fork in me. I figured I was done. No one will ever want to work with me again. I felt pressure from all sides.
For months I’d been pressing on while life was shoving me back. I got so determined to break through the obstacles in my way that it became all about me. How could I manage my time? How could I arrange my schedule for me? Can you guess what I was leaving out in the midst of all my stressing, worrying and running around? Or I guess, the correct question is who. Yep. I was so busy trying to prove that I could do it all myself, that I’d left God out of the equation. And all because I didn’t want to admit that I couldn’t do it.
I guess you could say God finally got tired of waiting for me to remember that he was ultimately in control. One morning, I drug myself to the bathroom and got in the shower. My favorite Bible study program was streaming through my tablet and the message as so powerful and so directed at me that I shut off the water and hit my knees. He’d given me the desire and ability to write and in my thirst for success, I’d forgotten Him. There is nothing in this world more powerful than that moment when you are finally still and know that He is God. After some private time with the Lord, I emailed my critique partners and prayer warriors, asking for their continued prayers. That same day, I listed my business for sale and contacted a couple of former tumbling students to see if they were interested in teaching some of my classes for me. The following week, a girl that had taught gymnastics for me contacted me about coming back to work and eventually taking the business over completely.
My schedule still isn’t as clear as I would like to be, but as soon as I relinquished all to the Lord, He removed a lot of the obstacles in my path. Now I can press on knowing that He has my back. I’m making the final edits on my book right now. Whatever happens, I’ll press on. But this time, I’ll let God lead the way.
What about you? Have you experienced a time when life seemed to be pushing you down? Did you turn it over to God immediately, or did you need a “gentle” nudge from Him to get you back on the right path? What tips do you have for keeping the stress down and motivation up?
Today, LeAnne is giving away a copy of Her Texas Rebel to one commenter. Winner announced in the Weekend Edition!
He left so fast, she never got a chance…
He abandoned her when she needed him most, just as she'd discovered she was pregnant. And now, ten years later, struggling single mother Sabrina Davis has come home in search of refuge for her at-risk son. Except Tony Montoya, now a cop, has also returned to Salt Creek, Texas.
Recovering from being shot in the line of duty, Tony plans to use this time in his hometown to make amends for the trouble he caused as a youth. Amends for breaking Sabrina's heart. But trouble seems to follow the police officer no matter where he goes, and he doesn't want to hurt the woman he never stopped loving…or the son he's just found.
LeAnne Bristow may have been born and raised in central Texas, but she’s a desert rat at heart. After calling Southeast Arizona home for more than twenty-five years, her husband finally let her claim the title of an Arizonan. Her day job is teaching kindergarten, but her favorite pupil is her granddaughter and LeAnne is determined to teach her how to catch lizards and love the desert as much as she does.
with guest blogger LeAnne Bristow.
Are you one of those people who everything comes easy for? Are you so naturally talented that the words fly off your fingertips onto the page and editors and agents are begging for your work? No? I didn’t think so. And by the way, if you ever meet one of those people, run. Run fast. Because they obviously aren’t really human.
I admit. I was a person that a lot of things came easily for. I didn’t have to study to make good grades. I was popular. (Disclaimer…there were only 13 people in my class. Everyone was popular.) I was Salutatorian of my graduating class, President of the FHA, Secretary of the National Honor Society, cheerleading captain, and homecoming queen. (Again…only 13 people in my class.)
So several years ago, when I found a box full of all the stories I’d written in my high school years, it rekindled my dream of becoming a published author. I got so excited. My kids were grown and gone. What better time to pursue my dream?
Eagerly, I sat down at my computer and began writing. This would be easy. After all, I’d just finished my master’s degree and wrote a 1200 word essay every week. My professors commented on my strong writing skills. I would be at the top of the New York Times best-seller list in no time.
I scoured the internet for information on how to become a published author and stumbled onto the Seekerville website. Contests? There are contests for writers? Sign me up. I’ll win them all. I was almost giddy with excitement.
Then I got my first score sheet back. It was AWFUL. I realized this was going to be a little harder than I thought. I went back to the Seekerville website and this time, when I read their tips for writing, I had a whole different attitude. I was lucky enough to win a first chapter critique from Tina and waited. Then cried when I got it. Crying seemed appropriate because my heroine cried five times in the first chapter and Tina was having none of that. Too much head hopping. What was that? Shallow POV. Too much telling. An abundance of –ly adverbs. And a whole slew of other things wrong with my writing.
Well. Apparently, this wasn’t as easy as I thought.
I could take that box of stories outside and burn it, or I could pull up my big girl panties and start studying. Really studying. I read so many craft books and took so many workshops that some days I thought my head would explode. I got up early to write so I wouldn’t be disturbed and sat up late after the husband went to bed.
I kept entering contests. I finaled in some. I even won one. But still, no one was clamoring at the door to publish my book. But I wasn’t ready to quit yet.
Perseverance - steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.
Preservice is developed by failure. Last week, I was listening to my favorite Bible study program and the topic was failure. Failure, the pastor said, is factored in by God to make us what he wants us to be. He went on to list three things to do in order to overcome failure.
Acknowledge your failure. That’s easy to do. I have a pile of rejection letters that won’t let me forget.
Accept God’s forgiveness. Failure itself is not a sin. But getting so wrapped up in my own pity party and forgetting to lean on Him is. Forgetting to seek His guidance in my writing and all aspects of my life is. I needed to stop trying to do this on my own.
Apply the lessons of failure towards success. I learned something from every rejection, every judge’s comment, and every critique. I could’ve tossed those comments out the window and said “What do they know? This is my story and I’ll tell it my way.” But I didn’t. I used those comments to make me a better writer. After my third rejection from Love Inspired, I was really frustrated, so my agent suggested I try something different. Then I remembered something I’d chosen to ignore. In my first year of writing, I’d done a pitch session with an associate editor at Love Inspired. She liked my story, but it had a lot of elements that didn’t work for LI. Those same elements worked great for longer stories like Heartwarming, she said.
In my determination, I’d failed to apply all the lessons I’d learned. So I went back and looked at the story that had been rejected three times. I started to play with it and it started to flow. Maybe the longer story really was better for me. I started trying to learn everything about Heartwarming that I could. Although their stories don’t include a faith element, they are clean, wholesome romances that I was comfortable writing.
At RWA, I attended the Heartwarming Open House. I discovered they weren’t looking to acquire any more stories with a major element that mine had. I was heartbroken. I called my agent. “They don’t want any more stories where the hero or heroine returns home to care for an ailing parent. That’s my entire story! What do I do?” He calmed me down and told me to pitch the story anyway but tell them I’d look for ways to change it. So I did. Dana Grimaldi was kind enough to listen to me pitch the story. She liked elements and despite the overused trope, asked for a full.
I got home and started brainstorming with my critique partners to find a way to revise the story and replace the ailing parent. My agent sent in a proposal with the new ideas. He called a few weeks later and said she loved the changes and wanted the full. But my story wasn’t quite finished! I put my nose to the grindstone, locked myself in my room and started working.
The next time my agent called, it was to tell me Dana liked the new version, but wanted some revisions. Was I willing to do it? As the Seekers would say, THIS IS CALLED OPPORTUNITY! I locked myself back in my room and six weeks later submitted the revisions. And the following week found out that Dana was leaving Heartwarming and moving to the American Romance line. I panicked. This was it. She would pass the story to a new editor and they would hate it.
On June 3rd, my agent called. I had sent him some ideas for new projects and figured he was calling to discuss them. I was babysitting my granddaughter, so I was juggling her when I answered the phone. When he told me Victoria Curran wanted to offer me a contract for my story, I almost dropped the baby. Once I could breathe again, I sat my granddaughter on the floor, she was a little dizzy by this time from all my jumping up and down, and cried.
Yeah. I cry a lot.
Perseverance -steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.
At least that’s the dictionary’s definition. But it goes deeper than that. Perseverance is staring at that rejection letter with tears in your eyes and wondering why on earth you ever thought you could be a writer. It’s locking yourself in your writing cave when the rest of your family is going to see that new movie with your favorite actor. Perseverance means learning to say no. “No, I can’t go to lunch with you. I need to work on my story.” “No, I can’t volunteer next week, I have a deadline.” (I’m still working that one.)
So tell me, what does perseverance mean to you?
I’d love to be able to give away copies of my new book…but it won’t be out until March 2017. But I will give a $20 Amazon gift card to a lucky commenter! Winner announced in the Weekend Edition.
LeAnne Bristow often hid books inside her desk and read during class. A teacher actually commented on her report card that "LeAnne would do much better in class if she would stop reading." When she outgrew Laura Ingalls Wilder and Beverly Cleary, she graduated to Walter Farley and Judy Blume. Then her favorite aunt gave her an old box of Harlequin romance novels and she was hooked. After reading the entire Americana series by Janet Dailey, LeAnne dreamed of becoming a writer. Life happened and LeAnne followed her country boy from a small town in central Texas to a smaller town in southern Arizona. She spent the next 25 years corralling three of her own children and 20+ kindergartners. Now an empty nester and new grandma, she's pursuing her dream of bringing you emotional stories that make you hold your breath waiting for that first kiss. LeAnne's debut release from Harlequin Heartwarming will release in March of 2017.
