A Writer's Enemy : Feeling Like a Fraud by Bob Mayer

We get paid to invent stories. How cool is that? We invent something from just our imaginations. Amazing.

So why are writers squirming masses of insecurity?

A lot of it is external: little validation, an uncertain business, isolation, bears.

But deep inside almost ever writer is this feeling that what we do, what we produce, isn’t real. That we are perpetuating a fraud on the world. That we’re ‘fooling’ everyone. We believe we got where we are via luck and contacts.

When I teach Warrior Writer, the #1 fear of writers is feeling like a fraud. The word just keeps coming up, over and over.

I was sitting at an outdoor café in Denver years ago. It was a weekday lunch and I was watching all these people sharply dressed in business outfits walking by (I bought my first suit last year—sales woman said I was the easiest sale she’d ever had: I said I need a suit. She gave me one. I need a tie. Socks. Shoes. Belt. I bought it all). I turned to the person I was with and said “I feel like a fraud. These people are leading ‘real’ lives, and I’m living in this weird, alternate reality where I sat at home and write stories for a living.” She turned to me and said: “Most of these men, if they knew what you’ve done and achieved in your life, they’d wish they were sitting in your chair with those experiences.” It was a real moment of enlightenment for me. I have not led a boring life and for those of you who are self-employed, you know how difficult that is to maintain for 20 years.

How To Deal With Feeling Like A Fraud.

Writers aren’t the only creative people who experience these feelings of being a fraud or concerned the world will found out they are an imposter.

“I still think people will find out that I’m really not very talented. I’m not very good. It’s all been a big sham.” Michelle Pfeiffer

“Sometimes I wake up before going off to a shoot, and I think, I can’t do this; I’m a fraud. They’re going to fire me. I’m fat. I’m ugly . . .” Kate Winslet.

It’s important to realize everyone has doubts. What’s debilitating is if you feel like you are the only one. You’re not. Studies of people who are identified as feeling like frauds range in percentage, but the overall number is high. In fact, studies show that many of the most successful people feel it the most. The higher up the ladder one goes, the greater the fear is of ‘being found out’. The higher the stakes become. The more people are watching. And, honestly, the more people who want to see you fail. Thus those magazines at the checkout counters in supermarkets. The headlines don’t scream: Actress Has Great Day And Loves Husband.

Doubts can be good: they can inspire you to become better. If you combine your doubt with your passion, it can motivate you to great success. Studies have shown that women who score high in the area of feeling like a fraud tend to compete harder to compensate for their doubts. Interestingly, men who scored high on feeling like a fraud, tend to avoid areas where they feel vulnerable to avoid looking bad.

There is a thing called The Imposter Syndrome. It’s when you difficulty internalizing your accomplishments. All those things they’ve achieved: degrees, promotions, publication, best-seller lists, etc. are thrown out. The more you agree with the following statements, the higher your Imposter Syndrome:

I can give the impression I am more competent than I really am.

I often compare myself to those around me and consider them more intelligent than I am.

I get discouraged if I’m not the ‘best’ in an endeavor.

I hate being evaluated by others.

If someone gives me praise for something I’ve accomplished, it makes me fear that I won’t live up to his or her expectations in the future.

I’ve achieved my current position via luck and/or being in the right place at the right time.

When I think back to the past, incidents where I made mistakes or failed come more readily to mind than times when I was successful.

When I finish a manuscript, I usually feel like I could have done so much better.

When someone complements me, I feel uncomfortable.

I’m afraid others will find out my lack of knowledge/expertise.

When I start a new manuscript, I’m afraid I won’t be able to finish it, even though I’ve already finished X number of manuscripts.

If I’ve been successful at something, I often doubt I can do it again successfully.

If my agent tells me I’m going to get an offer on a book, I don’t tell anyone until the contract is actually in hand.

Women who feel like imposters tend to seek favorable comparisons with their peers.

Men who feel like imposters tend to avoid comparisons with their peers. Often, they work hard so other people won’t think them incapable or dumb. It’s called spinning your wheels faster even though you aren’t going anywhere.

People who feel like imposters are constantly judging their success against the achievements of others rather than viewing what they do as an end in itself. For writers, this can be very dangerous, because there will always be someone who is doing ‘it better’ or ‘is more successful’. I’ve seen bestselling authors fall into this trap.

A technique to fight feeling like a fraud is to use a version of my Warrior Writer HALO concept on yourself. HALO stands for High Altitude Low Opening parachuting. The technique is to start from way out, and work your way in with an open attitude to try to see things differently. Most of us see thing from our inside out. Reverse it. When I approach a company or team where I know nothing about what they do, the HALO concept allows me to see what they’re doing very differently from the way they see it.

Basically, the HALO approach starts from way outside yourself, diving in until you can see things clearly. Step outside and view things as if you are a stranger to yourself.. Look at your resume. Look at what you’ve accomplished in life. Ask yourself what kind of person would have achieved these things? Could a fraud have done this? When I query a conference to teach or apply to lead workshops or do keynotes, I have to send my bio. Sometimes I stop and read it and ask myself: what would I think of this person, if I didn’t know them, but just read this?

Focus on positive feedback. However, don’t ignore constructive negative feedback. The key is not to let the negative overwhelm you. I don’t look at Amazon reviews or rankings any more. First, you have to realize that only a certain segment of the population posts reviews on Amazons. It’s not a true sample of the population. Also, the motives for posting reviews often have nothing to do with your book.

One way of dealing with ‘feeling like a fraud’ is to internalize more of your accomplishments via real, external symbols. In the military, we always joked that everyone had a “Look At Where I’ve Been And What I’ve Done” wall in their home, covered with photos, plaques, flags, etc. Those walls serve a purpose, though. (In our A-Team room, we had to wire down all the knives, hatchets, edged weapons that were usually on the plaques because people might start using them after a few beers.)

I have all my published books in my office on the top of two bookcases, all lined up. The row is over three feet wide. I look at it sometimes to fight the feeling that I can’t write another book, that I can’t get published again.

“Talent is less important in film-making than patience. If you really want your films to say something that you hope is unique, then patience and stamina, thick skin and a kind of stupidity, a mule-like stupidity, is what you really need.” Terry Gilliam

You’ve got to actively work on building that tough outer shell around your creative self. Have a bizarre belief in yourself even in the face of apparent reality. You’re being bombarded with negative messages about publishing. It’s so hard. The odds are against you.

You have to believe in yourself. If you’re unpublished, walk into the bookstores and don’t let all those published authors overwhelm you. Use them to motivate you. Tell yourself you belong there. I always look and say: “Hey, these people got published, why can’t I?”

List your accomplishments. They can range from a picture of your family, degrees achieved, awards won, whatever. Put them where you write. Use them to remind yourself that you are not a fraud.

YOU ARE REAL.



Bio:
NY Times bestselling author Bob Mayer has over 40 books published. He has over three million books in print and is in demand as a team-building, life-change, and leadership speaker and consultant. Bob graduated from West Point and served in the military as a Special Forces A-Team leader and a teacher at the JFK Special Warfare Center & School. His latest books are Warrior Writer: From Writer to Published Author and Chasing The Ghost. He teaches novel writing and improving the author via his Warrior-Writer program. He is the Co-Creator of Who Dares Wins Publishing. He lives on an island off Seattle. For more information see www.bobmayer.org or www.WhoDaresWinsPublishing.com



Today in Seekerville we're giving away two of Bob's books, Who Dares Wins and his latest release, Warrior Writer. Leave a comment for a chance to win. Winners announced in the Weekend Edition.




On behalf of the Seekers and our friends, thanks so much for taking time out your busy (have you seen this man's schedule?) to be with us in Seekerville today, Bob.

SEASONS OF A WRITER'S JOURNEY

.YIKES! Where did the summer go? Here we are, closing the door on August already and welcoming the advent of Autumn -- my favorite season of the year despite the fact that it heralds long, dark, snow-filled months ahead.
.The changing of the seasons is something that in the natural world of God’s creation we anticipate, fully expect. Why is it then, on this wild and crazy journey to publication (or to stay published!) that we’re surprised when a season we don’t care so much for morphs into one we much prefer--or vice versa (I’m NOT a 12-feet-of-snow winter person, but that’s another story). .
.We as writers need to keep in mind that, just as in nature, there are seasons in our lives, seasons we encounter on our writing journey. Some of these seasons will be happy dancin’ triumphant, others less so. Some will introduce a mellow, confident assurance, others more challenges. In some, doors and windows will fling open, reaping for us the rewards of our perseverance. In other we’ll sit in what appears to be a dark, doorless and windowless space. A place where we see little progress. Get discouraged. Doubt ourselves. A place of testing and trusting.
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But don’t discount those windowless rooms! Just as when a caterpillar spins that cocoon to be hidden away in darkness for a time, then fights his way out and into the sunshine, there’s a greater purpose to it if we don’t give up, if we cooperate with God and allow him to work in us.
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Some seasons last a few days. Some weeks. Some months. Some years. But seasons change. And because seasons often overlap, I believe it’s important not to compartmentalize them in our minds. To label them “all good” or “all bad” or let ourselves think we’re “locked” into a given season indefinitely and let that unrealistically color our thinking. Deceive us into believing things will never change.
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Most often it seems we find ourselves in MORE than one season at the same time! That’s where I am right now. Finally published! Winning and finaling in contests I previously only dreamed of! Celebrating a recently acquired 2-book contract! Sounds like a triumphant season, right?
.YES! But at this particular moment I’m working toward a submission deadline for my newly contracted Book #3 while also pulling stuff together to meet an art fact sheet deadline. In the midst of that I’m diligently going over the final galleys for Book #2 to meet yet another deadline. (And have I mentioned I have a demanding day job and have a billion other commitments?) Oh, and I’m squeezing in an hour to write this blog, too!
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Is it any wonder last night I vividly dreamed of being on a sinking ship? No foolin'!
.Pretty crazy! But you know what? Being a published writer is something I’ve dreamed of since I was a kid. So even though physically and mentally drained in this intense moment that accompanies the “highs” of a new contract, I’m aware that this season of deadlines piled one on top of another shall pass. (For a little while anyway!) That knowledge--and the assurance that God is there to help me stay focused and disciplined--keeps me take a deep breath and keep going to get through to the other side of this.
.The awareness of seasons also reminds me to derive enjoyment from each of my writerly tasks. I could quite easily allow them to become drudgery in my mind, but instead I’m choosing to view them as a privilege. Part of the package that comes with the fulfillment of a long-anticipated publication dream.
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In the season you’re currently in, what writerly tasks have you allowed to become drudgery? What’s lost its spark, its joy? Yes, I think we all agree the writing life is hard work, but our attitude toward it, the colors we paint it, can make all the difference in how we approach it--how we can find--or not find--positive purpose and enjoyment in the season in which we find ourselves.
.I’ve lived long enough to know that, with all its ups and downs, life happens. “Good” days and “bad” days often mingle. In the midst of the happiest of sunlit times, there may yet be a shadow hovering. We can choose to focus on the sunlight--or on the shadow. It’s important to remember, too, that there are ongoing seasons of planting, weeding and harvesting on our writing journey--a journey that isn’t a sprint, but a marathon.
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So what season(s) are you in now? Which have you just come out of? What lessons have you learned to enable you to derive the most from each? Leave a comment today and be eligible to be entered in a drawing for a $10 Barnes & Noble gift card!

Glynna
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Glynna Kaye’s Steeple Hill Love Inspired “Dreaming of Home” is a finalist in American Christian Fiction Writers “Carol Award” and Georgia Romance Writers “The Maggie Award,” as well as a first place winner of the “Booksellers Best Award” and “The Beacon Award.” Her next books (also set in Canyon Springs, Arizona) are “Second Chance Courtship” releasing February 2011, and “At Home In His Heart” debuting August 2011.

Quest for...What?

My first direct view of Titanic lasted less than two minutes, but the stark sight of her immense black hull towering above the ocean floor will remain forever ingrained in my memory. My life long dream was to find this great ship, and during the past thirteen years the quest for her had dominated my life. Now, finally, the quest was over.

Robert Ballard penned his thoughts after discovering the RMS Titanic nearly two miles deep in the North Atlantic. His unwavering desire to accomplish his dream drove him to scan, search, and scour the route the ill-fated ocean liner had followed. He spent countless hours at the site of her demise and swam into the depths of the frigid waters more times than imagined.

He had a quest and would not stop until his quest was complete.

Merriam Webster’s 10th Collegiate Dictionary 10th edition, a volume after my own heart, describes a quest as 2b: a chivalrous enterprise in medieval romance usually involving an adventurous journey.

Have you striven after something thirteen years in the making?

Is there anything that stirs your passion until it becomes a very part of your being?

Does this sound like your writing journey?

Without a quest, our writing journey is reduced to a Milquetoast bland scribble on pages covered with a waste of ink. It makes us want to shop for office supplies rather than using them. We choose Solitaire over HEA every time.

A quest fuels our fire. It refuses to let us sit in front of the television, answer emails, read the tabloids. No longer are we floating down a river of indecision grabbing onto any debris of distraction that bumps into us. Quests make us settle down in our writing chairs, makes us press on.

A quest isn’t chosen; it is foisted upon us.

Did Robin Hood wake up one day and think, “hmm, wonder what Marian is up to?” No! The evil sheriff threatened Maid Marian’s life and Robin wouldn’t stand for it.

Did Jack Colton think Joan Wilder just another cute babe on the road to Cartagena? Nope. He wanted something she had. He wanted it badly. But along the way, he discovered he wanted her heart more than the gem. He fought for her, protected her, took her to safety. He risked it all to save the woman he loved.

Forrest Gump may have viewed life as a box of chocolates, going where ever fate and God led him, but watch out anyone who dared hurt his Jenny. His quest in life dictated he love Jenny. And he did all in his power to keep her foremost in his heart.

Do you have a quest that beats that strongly in your heart? Is writing so much a part of you that the thought of not writing down wayward thoughts and snippets of brilliance gives you the chills.

Can you set down your pen (or keyboard) and walk away from following the desire of your heart??

If you can, then do it.

The writing journey is filled with the deepest sink holes and blackest moments. It drives you to talk to your self and entertain figments of your imagination. It drives your family nuts.

Don’t walk away – RUN!! Save yourself. If the quest is not in your heart, your heart will not be in your quest.

But…the writing journey is filled with joy, too. Fellow writers applaud your successes and offer to help you over bumps in your road. Your characters encourage you with the greatest pride when you find your groove and create a tale taking them on an amazing journey worthy of Hallmark. You smile as you type The End.

To paraphrase John 15:16, You didn’t choose to write; writing chose you.

No, the quest isn’t for everyone, nor should it be. Robert Ballard strove for thirteen years to discover the resting place of the Titanic. THIRTEEN YEARS.

How many years are you willing to devote to your dream?

I’ll let you in on a secret…I’m past that thirteen year mark. I’m on my 7th computer, 4th printer and countless reams of paper. I’ve burned dinners, neglected housework, forgotten to walk the dog. I’ve written stories that make me laugh and cry.

I’ve forged lifelong friendships.

My family still loves me, even though they don’t always understand. By hey, this isn’t their quest.

The road to publication is not easy, but wow, what a ride!

So... have you heard the Seekers are planning a little Book In A Week challenge next week? How about putting your quest where your keyboard is. I challenge you to participate.

To push yourself.

To make your brain cells hurt.

Rise to the challenge and see what kind of grit you’re made of.

Prayers are with us all the way : )

Blessing to everyone!!

-audra

WHO RAN OFF WITH MY CHEESE?

My yard is undergoing a landscape makeover which requires that the bird and squirrel feeders be removed for the process. One morning a squirrel raced frantically back and forth along top of the wooden fence as if crying: “Who swiped my feeder? Who swiped my feeder?” Change. It disturbs the peace of even the smallest of God’s creatures.

Just in case you haven’t figured it out yet, God is the only unchangeable in our world. He’s the same yesterday, today and forever. And no matter how many people would like to vote him off Earth Island, he’s still in charge. Always has been, always will be.

Other than that, however, change in almost everything else is the norm today. You go to bed with one reality and wake up the next to another. In 2002 a book came out called “Who Moved My Cheese” by Spencer Johnson which addressed this issue in an allegory. Mice scurry through a maze, seeking what makes them happiest—the cheese—only to find out one day that the cheese isn’t where it’s always been. Over and over they futilely keep running back to the same place where they previously found the cheese rather than searching out its new location.

As someone who’s long been a tiny cog in the “corporate world” wheel, I’ve seen the companies I worked for relocated, down-sized, sold, merged, split, reorganized, re-reorganized and re-re-reorganized. Nothing stays the same for long as companies attempt to minimize losses and maximize profits. In this rollercoaster economy, things are even more dicey. That’s the day-job world I’ve lived in for fifteen years, and I’m constantly learning how to roll with the punches, increase my knowledge base, acquire new skills, and reposition myself to be more valuable to my employers so I can keep that day job that pays for the cheese!

Maybe you’re a stay-at-home mom or working outside the home part- or full-time and you want to supplement the family income through writing commercial fiction. Or maybe you’ve already paid your “corporate dues” and are determined to make your writing dreams come true--far from the rat race you washed your hands of. “So what,” you’re asking yourself, ”does this Corporate America talk have to do with me?”

Well, hate to break it to you but, like it or not, it’s been my observation that when you get a book published you become a miniscule cog in Corporate America’s big, big wheel. Publishing is a business. BIG business. As much as an editor might like to, they can’t merely pick you out for publication because they like you personally and love your first book. They must believe—really believe—that the market they’re targeting will also love your books (as in plural). They’re taking a huge monetary and professional gamble that you’ll consistently produce stories that will satisfy an increasing number of readers and turn a profit. The bigger the profit the better. Not even Christian publishers are charitable organizations. Both ABA and CBA must keep an eye on the bottom line. They can’t lose money indefinitely and stay in business.

I’ve been reading Romantic Times magazine since the early 1990’s. I have a LOT of back issues, and in reviewing them I see a number of writers who were “names“ a dozen years ago who are still “names” now. But you know what? As I turn the pages of today’s RT Book Club, a disheartening number of the authors whose books once populated the reviews are nowhere to be found. A search of the web finds no mention of them. Or maybe only an isolated reference to a last book published a decade ago. Pretty sobering. Where did they go? Perhaps it was by choice that they’re no longer published--some things are only “right” for you during a season of your life, then God leads you to close the door and move on. Or did someone run off with their cheese--and they never found it? Did they attempt to find it?

So what are some ways we, as “newbies,” can keep an eye on our writing cheese?

- Join writers’ organizations (RWA, ACFW, etc.) to ferret out changing market trends. Take an active interest in the profession. Don’t write in a vacuum.

- Attend writing conferences and workshops for the same reason—often agents and editors speak to anticipated reader trends and what they’re looking for to fulfill that market niche.

- Read writing-related magazines, newsletters, and professional journals, both on-line and paper (Writer’s Digest, RT Book Club, Romance Writer’s Report, etc.).

- Network on-line. Editors occasionally find time in their busy schedules to visit popular writing-related blog sites. (Last month Seekerville hosted Barbara Scott of Abingdon Press, and on Thursday, November 13, Melissa Endlich of Steeple Hill will be our guest.)

- Read current books marketed by the publisher(s) you’re targeting. What might have been considered standard tone, style or content in a genre or line five or ten years ago may now be passé.

- Read outside the genre you’re currently targeting or published in. Broaden your horizons. Maybe you’re writing Mom-Lit, but (after a rough day with a houseful of sick little ones or a harried ride on the subway) you find yourself picking up a LuAnne Rice women’s fiction with a low key New England setting. Keep that in the back of your mind in case the market shifts and you must look for another writing place to call home. Just because you can’t publish/remain published in your current niche, you can still write something you enjoy and which doesn’t compromise your innermost values and beliefs.

- Listen to what your editor says about your publisher’s (and readers’) needs. Is it a need that (within reason), you can fulfill? You’ve never written a novella, but your editor is putting together an anthology? Give it a shot. The line you’ve been writing for tanks? Where does she think you’d fit best in another one? She isn’t thrilled with your latest proposal? Ask for her input, counter-propose, and give her something she can wholeheartedly get behind.

- Don’t be surprised if during your writing career you must reinvent yourself so to speak. Maybe it’s going from one line to another. One genre to another. One house to another. Category to single title or vice versa. First person POV to third. Don’t allow your writing world mindset to become so narrow that your immediate response is always “no way.” Think through it. Pray through it.

- Don’t give in to fear when your cheese gets moved. Take a deeeeeep breath. Be positive. Be proactive. So often it’s not the situation we find ourselves in but how we react to it that causes us the most grief. With the right attitude and some genuine effort, you may find yourself in a much better place than you were before. A framed quote sits on my desk: Don’t fear tomorrow. God is already there. Those are good words for a writer to live by.

As Camy discussed in her Seekerville post last week (Good News and What I Learned From It), being flexible is a MUST if you’re intending to be in this business for the long haul. Publishers are bought out. Merge. Restructure. Go under completely. Editors switch houses. Reader tastes change. Lines fold. One of my friends wrote over 100 category books before taking a well-deserved breather. When asked the key to her success amidst the ups and downs of publishing, she said: “Write every day. Read every day. Never forget this a business. Give your editor what she’s looking for.” Or as Camy so aptly put it: “be willing to be willing.”

Remember the scene in the 1997 movie “My Best Friend’s Wedding” where Jules (Julia Roberts) comments that while Kim (Cameron Diaz) is like crème brûlée, what their mutual “hero,” is really looking for is Jell-O? Kim responds: “I could be Jell-O!” Now THAT determined little lady has the makings of a successful published writer!

So, like the little squirrel racing along the fence in my back yard, panicked because his “cheese” has been moved, there are some things that are out of our personal control. But I have no doubt that after a few days Mr. Squirrel will be checking out the neighborhood and discovering that while my feeder specialized in unshelled sunflower seeds, the one next door has corn. Or peanuts. And while it takes a bit more effort on his part, another yard features shelled sunflower seeds that might tickle his taste buds. It’s my guess the little guy won’t give up looking for a new source of food, and he very well may find something he likes much better than the “cheese” originally within his grasp!

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As always, I’m off to my day job and unable to access the internet. But my Seeker buds will make you feel at home in our comment section. So please stop in and chat awhile!

Glynna

"Write Well, Write Fast"

Missy here. I recently attended the Moonlight & Magnolias conference in Atlanta, held by my local RWA chapter, Georgia Romance Writers. Two of the best workshops I attended were taught by author Stephanie Bond. One was called Write Well, Write Fast. The other, 5 Things About Your Career to Obsess Over. I thought I’d share a couple of the things she said that really spoke to me.

First off, I took the Write Well, Write Fast because, well, I don’t write fast, and when I do try to write anywhere close to fast, it doesn’t turn out very well. LOL

What I learned is that to write fast you have to spend the time to write a good synopsis. You have to plan ahead! (I know the pantsters out there are now throwing rotten tomatoes and are saying “boo hiss.”) Of course, I’ve always planned my characters and had at least scene ideas before starting to write. I usually work through Alicia Rasley’s The Story Within workbook and also fill out Carolyn Greene’s Magic Conflict Chart beforehand. But Stephanie’s workshop reinforced what I’ve been learning (selling on proposal, now), that I have to come up with a good synopsis beforehand, too. Key word: GOOD.

Bleck! I hate writing a synopsis!! I’m terrible at doing it before the book is written. (NO COMMENTS, RUTHY!)

[As a side note, to illustrate how close we Seekers are, I wish you should see the email Ruthy sent telling me, very tactfully, how awful my synopsis was—the one I had just sent to my editor! :)]

Okay, back on topic…Stephanie’s other workshop. 5 Things About Your Career To Obsess Over. (As opposed to all the things you can't control so should not obsess over.) I won’t share all the things she talked about, but I want to mention two that I think are related. 1. You can control who’s in your support system. 2. You can control your attitude.

I think positivity (It’s a word. I looked it up! :)) is important in both. Our support systems should be positive—not full of toxic, draining relationships. And we have to keep positive attitudes. Be the eternal optimist!

A Dietrich Bonhoeffer quote I love is:

In its essence, optimism is not an outlook on the present situation. Rather, it is a life-force, the power of hope when others give up, the power to hold one’s head high when everything appears to be falling apart, the power to endure setbacks, the power that never gives the future over to one’s opponent but lays claim to it.

Of course, we’re not faced with imprisonment and execution like Bonhoeffer. But we are faced with rejection and setbacks in our writing. We're faced with difficult times in our life that affect our writing. And I hope we can be optimists in the way we live our lives and run our writing careers.

Are you an optimist? What do you obsess over? Do you write fast? Do you write a synopsis beforehand?? :)

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Stephanie is one of the most generous, business-savvy writers I know. And she's been a huge help to me. Here’s a link to her website page for writers: http://stephaniebond.com/writers'_articles.htm

Everything is Possible

In one of my Seekerville posts awhile back I shared several writerly quotes from the newspaper’s cryptoquote puzzle section. I deciphered another one this week that seems quite apropos for us writers:

“Everything is possible as long as you put your mind to it and you put the work and time into it.” -- Olympic Gold Medalist Michael Phelps

Okay, maybe not everything is possible (for a human being, anyway). But Michael has the right idea. We don’t get anywhere in this business without a huge investment of time, work, and will power. How are you doing in each of those departments?

Time. What’s your writing schedule like? Do you even have a schedule? Even putting in 30 minutes a day is 30 minutes of writing you wouldn’t have completed otherwise. Repeat that five times in a week and you’ve tallied up two and a half hours. That’s nothing to sneeze at. Do an hour a day, and there’s five hours in a week. How many words can you churn out in an hour? They all add up.

Work. How hard are you willing to work at improving your craft? Getting words on the page is important--vital, in fact. But so is learning and study. How many books and magazine articles on writing technique have you read this year? Have you taken any online courses? Attended any conferences? Which industry blogs do you visit regularly? How many published books in your genre have you read and analyzed to see why they work (or don’t)? Have you traded critiques with a wise and honest fellow writer? Have you entered contests where you could get valuable feedback? And afterward, did you evaluate the comments and revise your manuscript accordingly?

Will power. Otherwise known as stick-to-it-iveness. And after 25 years in this business, I know a little about this subject. If you don’t want it badly enough, believe me, it’ll never happen. Unfortunately, you can also want it really badly and it still may not happen. But that’s God’s decision, not yours. To fall back on a favorite Randy Ingermanson quote, “If God has called you to write, then don’t you dare quit. Don’t you DARE!”

If you’re feeling really brave, leave a comment answering the following questions:

1. How many hours did you actually write in the past 7 days?
2. What is the most recent craft book, online class, or workshop that made an impact on your writing?
3. What changes and sacrifices have you made in order to make writing a top priority?
4. What’s the one thing that keeps you keeping on?

Remember, “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13 NASB).

Seeking Positive Influencers

“Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays, it insists on it.” Russell Baker

“You cannot succeed by yourself. It’s hard to find a rich hermit.” Jim Rohn

“Madness is rare in individuals – but in groups, parties, nations, and ages, it is the
rule.” Friedrich Nietzsche

Morning, all! Ruthy here, welcoming back our conference attendees, buddies, friends, fellow Seekers, et al! We've got a great buffet breakfast lined up for you guys and I brewed a fresh pot of joe...

Grab a mug. There's flavored creamer to your right and food to your left. Every table is stocked with a loaves-and-fishes bowl of M&M peanut candies. Yup, you got it: bottomless! Talk about comfort food! Sit back and relax because today we're going to chat it up about influencers and I don't mean the kind who post kindly reviews on B&N or pass a new novel around, drumming up new readers.

Nope.

This kind of influencer, good or bad, is all up to us, the writer.

Modern day writers and publishers make a fortune off books homilizing a positive attitude. Head to your local Barnes and Noble, Borders, or the public library. Each one of these devotes precious end-cap or display table space to this sought after information, plus an individual shelving section designated for the same purpose.

Scan Amazon.com and gaze upon the proliferation of morale building, self-help volumes abounding there, geared to help us be a more positive, productive, uplifted, goal-seeking, outcome-oriented person.

Now I'm not going to lecture about this growing trend. Sheesh. We'd need a host of blogs just to skim the surface of why people who live in the greatest country on earth, rife with freedom and opportunity, can't make themselves happy. We'll just save that little ditty for another day.

Jim Rohn's website deals with the topic for free, my favorite price tag. A click of the mouse and you’re in, ready to absorb words of wisdom from one of America’s most renowned business philosophers. With over fifty-seven years in broadcasting, motivational speaking, writing, and recording, Rohn has seen it all and addresses the topic of negativity point blank.

Avoid it at all costs.

Rohn’s pretty direct about the whole issue, and the man breeds success like Anheuser-Busch breeds Clydesdales. Big and strong, with perfect deportment. (I can't mention Clydesdales without remembering Superbowl commercials... The one with Hank, the rejected horse who worked with unwavering persistence to make the team, guided by the "Pauly" Dalmation, while the theme from Rocky plays in the background??? Oh my stars, I'm tearing up just thinking about it!

Or the donkey who tried hair extensions because he wanted to be a Clydesdale???? Oy vay, pass the tissues, I'm all ver klempt here!)

You’re a writer, at a specific point in your career. This varies depending on your work, motivation, time spent, etc., but the fact is, you’re moving toward something at a pace of your choosing.

Who do you hang with? Who are your associates? Your partners, critiquers, friends and cohorts. Are they a positive influence? Do they pretend to be a positive influence, even as they drag you into the depths of despair? Whose fault is that?

You know that answer as well as I do. We allow others to influence our lives by allowing them a portion of our lives. Rohn puts it this way: “Some people you can afford to spend a few minutes with, but not a few hours.”

Pretty succinct. We pick and choose a portion of the effect on our lives, our careers and our writing by the company we keep. Positive or negative, strong or weak, accepting or complaining, we make choices without always considering the level of influence that association allows.

You want to be good at what you do? Avoid the “misery loves company” set. You want to be the best you can be? Steer clear of those who settle for mediocrity. Do you have goals and aspirations whose glow illuminates the end of the tunnel? A tunnel can seem pretty long and dark when traveled with low expectations.

Rohn says: “Let others lead small lives, but not you. Let others argue over small things, but not you. Let others cry over small hurts, but not you. Let others leave their future in someone else’s hands, but not you.”

Limiting negative exposure time may seem simplistic, but it’s a huge step toward being the more assertive, positive, successful writer you want to be. Success threatens some people. Unfortunately, there are those who find great comfort in limiting your success to their levels. What’s up with that? Not kosher. Definitely not something a true friend would do, but that takes us back to the whole misery loves company theory. Your success may reflect their lack. That’s a bitter pill for some to swallow.

Your achievements as a person, daughter, husband, wife, father, sister, writer, Christian, homemaker, lawyer, nurse, midwife, teacher, accountant, etc. depend on you. They are not guided by luck or circumstance. You are the captain of your ship. The tack you take is yours to decide. Fill your sails with wind and dare the open sea, or drift aimlessly. So much of what we choose is guided in small but steady ways by the company we keep. The influences we allow in our lives.

Have you noticed when a person wants to help a struggling marriage, they seek the wisdom and guidance of those who are successfully married? When that same person wants to end a marriage, they seek the discontented, those whose marriages have failed. We seek our ends by the choices we make, large and small. Want success? Surround yourself with those willing to work for it. Rohn contends: “Failure is not a single, cataclysmic event. You don’t fail overnight. Instead, failure is a few errors in judgment, repeated every day.”

If we waste time on the shallow voices in our lives, we tune out the valuable ones, those that challenge us to do our best. Rohn advises us to seek out and be around those who have something of value to share. He believes that influence can be both powerful and subtle. “…You wouldn’t let someone push you off course, but you might let someone nudge you off course and not even realize it.”

Oh, yeah. Most of us can see that all around us. The subtle, invasive negatives we allow into our lives. Avoid them. Limit them. They are a downfall.

Helen Keller said: “The most pathetic person in the world is someone who has sight but no vision.” Prophetic words of wisdom from a woman who overcame adversity that would boggle the mind of the sighted, hearing community. I couldn’t agree more.

Seek success. It won’t just find you. Choose your associates with careful decision. Above all, challenge yourself to rise above, be the best you can be. It’s the least you can do with the marvelous gift of life you’ve been given, no strings attached. Show your gratitude with your growth and heightened expectations. Your shining light can help others ‘see’ the way.

Candles are popular right now. They come tall and short, thin and wide, scented or non. Some clever person even thought to fashion them in jars. Pretty savvy! A jarred candle has a built-in holder, no dripping wax, a wick that burns bright and a cover to smother the flame…

Which are you? The wick or the cover?

I thought so. Examine your work relationships. Make them all they can be. Let your light shine, even if you have to trim your ‘wick’ or polish your ‘jar’ by adjusting work schedules and relationships. Seek the strength and favor of positive people. Aim high, and don’t let anyone suck the wind from your sails. If you do, whose fault is it?

(Inserting motherly arched brow and look of patient understanding here…)

Exactly.