The Voice…It’s Not Just For Singing

Oh, goodness! Did we have a great day with the Killer Voice gals yesterday?? Voicities? Did we determine if that was a word? Anyway, one more round of congratulations to you!!

Okay, back to today. Audra here. Today, we’re going from the excitement of contracts gleaned from the Killer Voice competition to a competition that molds the winner right before your very eyes. My personal favorite show of all time…The Voice!  (I think I’ve mentioned this a time or two, and it always bears repeating!!)

For those of you who aren’t familiar with The Voice, it’s a performance competition where contestants perform a blind audition hoping their “voice” will capture the interest of one of the 4 judges. If the voice they hear stirs enough interest, they tap their button and their chairs turn and they see the artist for the first time. The interest of the judge is based solely on the voice alone, there are no costumes, dance moves, or appearances that sway the judge.

Talent alone buys you a ticket for the ride.

Like I said, many of you know what an avid fan I am of the program. Yes, the show is entertaining, especially the banter between the award-winning judges who never fail to make me laugh. But more than that, it’s the respect the judges show the contestants as they work their way up the ladder of vocal success that impresses me season after season.

Enough of my praise for this show, let’s get back to why I need to talk about it in Seekerville.

This last season, the selfless mentoring offered by the judges captured my attention. Each of the judges brought a unique perspective to the competition that when grouped together, showed the viewing audience what it’s like to take a singer with obvious talent and then mold, and buff, and tweak, and manicure that person until the finished product is a polished performer.

OMG, do I ever wish I had the Blake Shelton of the publishing world bringing out the writing potential in me!! Oh my, I digress…

Anyway, let’s take a peek at how each judge challenged the singer and brought out the best in them and how we can incorporate that advice in our writing:

Pharrell Williams has a great talent for tactfully critiquing a performance without offending the contestant. He’s all excited and up on his feet for artists that perform well, whether they are on his team or not. In the same way, he listens intently to performances and formulates helpful feedback to the ones who are not quite there yet. A prime example of this happened while the contestants were still in the battle rounds. A gal on, I think Gwen’s team, sang beautifully. Her song was perfect as was her physical performance. Pharrell acknowledged this and applauded her talent, BUT he went on to say he didn’t buy her performance because he could tell it didn’t come from the heart. They were just words sung perfectly. No connection; no emotional attachment. No heart.

Lesson learned: You can create a perfect plot, write a flawless manuscript, yet if the story doesn’t come from the heart, the reader will know it. Don’t write to trends if that isn’t your bag. Write what you know; write what you love. Honesty builds a dedicated fan base! Soul gripping emotion keeps your fans wanting more.

Blake Shelton is my man. Who doesn’t swoon at his accent, his sense of humor, his tall frame and his touching songs – can you tell I’m a real fan? The great thing is he approaches Team Blake with the same intensity he pours into his songs. Each season he tries to build a well-rounded team of multi genres, but in the end, country is what he knows and is great at, so many times, those are the contestants that make it to the final round. The bottom line though is Blake does know all aspects of the music world and you hear it in his comments to the contestants. He encourages the artists to work on their core musical talent. He encourages them to work on the control of their voices and stage presence. He sees fundamental strengths in their voices and offers suggestions that will grow their talent to the best it can be. The contestants should listen to his advice.

Lesson learned: If you don’t have a grasp of the fundamentals of writing and language, any attempt you make at writing a story or novel will be doomed by pesky grammatical and punctuation mistakes that snag the reader out of the story. If it happens often enough, the reader may not finish the book, no matter how fantastic the ending. To those contemplating the Indie publishing route, please view this as a strong suggestion to invest in a copy editor; invest in a line editor. These people are the support staff of your dreams!!

I absolutely loved Gwen Stefani as a judge this year. I never expected such encouragement and compassion from her (which makes me wonder why I had that opinion in the first place since I don’t really know anything about her). Anyway, I had to grin whenever she offered to give the contestants make-overs. Still, the folks on Team Gwen received not only the opportunity to tweak their style and voice, they also learned something about presentation. How you portray yourself is essential to selling your talent and your image.

Lesson learned: Take a good long look at the impression you want to make on your reader. We’ve talked branding before here in Seekerville, but you can never revisit the topic too often. What kind of author do you see when you look at Debby Giusti, Missy Tippens, Mary Connealy? Each of them walks the walk and talks the talk whether it’s military suspense or small town charm or cowboy conundrums. Take a look at how you’re portraying yourself in your books, your website, your FB page. Do they all speak the same language or is there room for an identity crisis when fans google your name??

Finally, we have Adam Levine. Quite honestly, I never know what tree he’s in on any particular show as far as comedic relief goes, but as a coach, the man knows what he’s looking for in talent. He can be the class cut-up between performances, but as soon as the next contestant sings their first note, his professional-Adam face falls into place and he immediately begins dissecting the artist’s work. Very intense; doesn’t miss a beat. So many times his assessment of the vocal work astounds me for the details – good and bad – that he’s able to detect in a 90 second performance. To me, Adam is the coach least likely to sugarcoat his opinions. He’s likable enough that he doesn’t tend to offend people, but if there is a problem with someone’s voice, style, presentation, he’s the coach to tell it like it is. And his instincts are pretty right on. Eventually, odds are, if the contestant doesn’t take his comments to heart, they might advance up a rung or two of the competition, but when the live performances begin, they find themselves are a hard sell to America.

Lesson learned:  When you send your work to a contest or a requested full manuscript to an editor, listen to their feedback. If contest feedback continually points to the same issues, then set ego aside and study the problem. The opinions of one rogue judge at times are just that – rogue. BUT if you hear the same comments time after time, there’s probably something to the issue. More importantly though, if you are fortunate enough to receive personal feedback from an editor, please realize they are interested in your work and the changes/revisions they suggest are for your benefit. Prove to that editor that you are an author they can work with and you might just be surprised when that phone rings and it’s THE CALL.

This season more than any other offered the prime example of how all the coaches interacted together to create one exceptional artist:

•    In the beginning, Blake Shelton chooses Craig Wayne Boyd for Team Blake.

•    During one of the rounds, Adam Levine comments on the too rough edge to Craig’s Southern-rock style.  In the next knock out round, Blake pairs Craig  against James David Carter since they are both country singers. Craig continues with his rough country style compared to James’ smoother voice. Blake chooses James over Craig.

•    BUT, Gwen Stefani steps in and steals Craig. With her image-conscious mentality ready to make a difference, she “cleans up” Craig’s appearance a bit and suggests he works with a song a bit out of his box to stretch his range. Craig incorporates her suggestions and puts a more refined spin on a country song. Unfortunately, when it comes down to the final knock out battle, Gwen chooses Taylor John Williams over Craig.

•    BUT, in a heartbeat, Blake steals back a more groomed and refined version of his man and the competition is on for the live rounds.

•    At one point during the live rounds, Pharrell Williams makes the comment that Craig has demonstrated a giant leap of growth from his very first audition and he now calls Craig a performer. This confirmation of his talent seemed to give Craig the final boost to his confidence and he indeed took possession of the stage and didn’t hesitate to show America what kind of talent he had until the final vote was cast and America pronounced Craig Wayne Boyd the winner of The Voice.

What a ride! The process isn’t always so dramatic, but the journey of Craig Wayne Boyd, unknown bar singer to Craig Wayne Boyd, America’s Choice is a journey that’s made every day whether you’re a singer or an author.

Do you see it? Do you feel it? C’mon people, dig deep into your souls and light a fire in your characters!! I’m convinced if God lit the fire of desire in your heart to write a book, He wants to see a depth of character and excitement on the page!! You can do it!!

C’mon 2015. Let’s be the year of NO LIMITS!!

And to help you find your inner character, I’m offering 3 Kindle copies of Rivet Your Readers with Deep Point of View by Jill Elizabeth Nelson. It’s a fantastic book that points out the elements of characterization so your hero and heroine can become as dynamic to the world as they are to you : )

Blessings on all your adventures!

The Nature of Deep Point of View with Guest Jill Elizabeth Nelson

Deep Point of View is one of many techniques writers may deploy from their arsenal of skills in order to craft a book to their highest capabilities. It’s a technique that I’ve become passionate about since my first editor for my debut novel set me straight about writing Deep and writing in the now. I’ve published a handbook on the subject called Rivet Your Readers with Deep Point of View....*UPDATE...IT IS FREE this Saturday and Sunday on Kindle. GET YOUR COPY WITHOUT FAIL!!!

In this blog post, we’ll take a peek at a few characteristics of Deep POV—what it is and what it isn’t—in order to gain a stronger understanding of the purpose and nature of this technique.

Following is a vital term that you’ll see a lot:  Narrative Distance. Writers create narrative distance when they consciously or unconsciously insert an invisible narrator between the POVC and the reader. This issue is also known as author intrusion and is not the same as purposefully choosing omniscient POV as best suited to tell an epic tale—but that’s another topic.

• Deep POV eliminates narrative distance. 

When reading a book written in Deep POV readers will feel like there is nothing between them and what is happening to the Point of View Character (POVC). In Deep POV, we don't want thoughts or actions told or explained by a third party; we want to live the events inside the POVC's head. The narrative should read like the thoughts going through the character's mind but without the need to italicize as in direct thought quotations. 

Following are a few examples that demonstrate what a sentence might look like with that annoying, invisible narrator buzzing in the reader’s ear and then with the narrator removed.

With the narrator:
She wished she could whisk back in time and redo the last few minutes.
Without the narrator:
Too bad life didn’t come with an undo button like a computer.

With the narrator:
He had to think hard about what to do next.
Without the narrator:
What should he do next?

With the narrator: 
Jason’s scowl caused Meg to shudder.
Without the narrator:
If Jason’s scowl turned any blacker, lightning would strike her dead.

• Deep POV is not a long string of internal monologue. 

Your narrative should not stall out with the POVC endlessly nattering to himself while nothing in particular happens around him. Action and contemplation alike should be Deep, with clear-cut comments from within the character’s psyche alternating and flowing with the external activity. In Deep POV, no gulf stretches between what the character feels internally and what is going on around him. They feed off each other in smooth and dynamic rhythm.

Here’s an example from Reluctant Runaway, Book Two in my To Catch a Thief series. The heroine, Desiree, has been abandoned in the desert, and now she’s run into double trouble—a notorious motorcycle gang. Notice how her inner monologue flows naturally with the external conversation and activity—all in Deep POV.

Desi stared into the flat gray eyes of the lead motorcyclist. He wore a black denim shirt with the sleeves ripped off and the seams hanging ragged. His bronzed arms were a rolling terrain of muscle and ink. A massive pewter cross dangled from his neck on a leather cord, and a sliver of tattoo peeked from his shirt neck.

Was she face-to-face with the infamous Snake Bonney? He wasn’t as big as she’d first thought, charging down on her like that. But he was no pip-squeak either. She’d be no match for him by himself, much less with the gang of hard-faced clones around him. She swallowed—or started to, but she couldn’t find a drop of saliva.

A hard grin split the leader’s reddish beard. “You lost?” His voice resembled his motorcycle’s rumble.

“Out for a walk.” Her words came out a croak. “Headed back to the road. The way you—” cough— “came.” She coughed again and then took a quick sip from the canteen. “See?” She held up the water container. “I’m prepared.”

He pointed at her headdress. “You’re far out.”

Desi blinked. Far out? This guy wasn’t old enough to be a seventies reject. Must be some kind of Sonny Barger hero emulation. Of course, the founder of the Hell’s Angels was decades older now, like the rest of the world, and probably didn’t talk that way anymore either. Not a good time to point that out, but—Okay, she was thinking goofy things to keep from panicking.

“I’ll be on my way now. Bye.” She stepped forward.
The cycles revved . . 
.

You can see that Desiree thinks many things in an internal voice that is clearly her own, but none of these thoughts require italics. This takes us to our next point.

• Deep POV is not italicized. 

Increasing the amount of italicized direct thought quotations does not transform your narrative into Deep POV. The object of Deep POV is to anchor the reader inside the POVC’s head without continually quoting verbatim from her mind. 

Here’s an example of what I mean:

Jane looked out the window. Wow! Look at that sunshine and the dew sparkling on the roses. What a perfect day for gardening. I’d better go get my tools. She went to the garage and scanned her shelves. Now, where did I put my gloves and trowel?

In the above example, we are certainly in Jane’s head—uncomfortably so—but the abundance of italics and the hip-hop between “she” and “I” will soon become tedious to the reader. 

Here is an example of the same narrative written in Deep POV.

Jane looked out the window. The dew on the roses sparkled in the morning sunlight. Wow! Would there ever be a better day for gardening? Humming, she hurried into the garage. Her gaze searched the wooden shelves. Where had she stored her gloves and trowel?

Deep POV does use italics for brief direct thought quotations, but no more frequently than in shallow POV. The use of italicized verbatim thoughts should be limited to exclamations or colloquialisms that require the extra emphasis of italics.

• Deep POV will eliminate most, if not all, problems with show/don’t tell. 

Is anyone ready to do the happy dance? It’s nearly impossible to “tell” in Deep POV, because that annoying, invisible narrator has been given the boot!

Following is the opening paragraph of Calculated Revenge, my spring 2010 release for Love Inspired Suspense. It is written in Deep POV.

The grimy backpack rested abandoned against the playground fence. Laney Thompson’s eyes riveted on the school bag, but her feet stuck to the gravel near the swings. What was the matter with her? The students had rushed less than a minute ago into the elementary school building after noon recess. One of them must have forgotten the bag. Simple explanation. Then why did her skin pebble as if she stood on this Minnesota playground in mid-January rather than the balmy end of May?

Here’s the same paragraph regressed into “telling” mode. Can you spot the flat, telling, narrator intrusion? 

Laney Thompson saw the grimy backpack resting abandoned against the playground fence. She tried to step toward it, but something kept her from moving her feet. She’d watched the students rush less than a minute ago into the elementary school building after noon recess. One of them must have forgotten the bag, she thought. She considered that a logical explanation. Yet she felt her skin pebble as if she stood on this Minnesota playground in mid-January rather than the balmy end of May.

• The expert user of Deep POV will know that there are times to “tell.” 

Even stories written primarily in Deep POV will contain times when it is a favor to the story to condense and “tell” certain types of mundane and transitional events and then “go deep” when the real action commences once more. As in all things creative, the artist must be sensitive to rhythm and balance. 

The following is an example of how Deep POV can flow with the brief moments when it is time to go less deep in order to move the story along:

Mom turned the vehicle into the mall parking lot. In the back seat, I sat up stiff. What? We weren’t headed for the zoo? Here, I’d been practicing that Blue Macaw whistle, so high and sweet. Today was supposed to be the day the bright bird answered my call. A few minutes later, I was stuck indoors, shuffling along cold tiled floors while my sister hunted for the perfect dress. Yeah, right! Like that would ever happen.

Notice how closely we stay inside this young girl’s head throughout the passage, except for that transitional phrase when I go shallow in order to move the characters from the car to the interior of the mall. By saying “a few minutes later,” I eliminate paragraphs of mundane activity that could turn tedious and are unnecessary to the story. This is an example of when and how to pull back seamlessly then zoom in again. 

Now, we’ve covered some basics of what Deep POV will do for your manuscript, as well as what it should not look like. Have you read books that exhibited these characteristics and that you now realize were written in Deep POV? If so, I recommend that you begin finding more such books and studying the technique. One of the best ways to learn and reinforce a new craft skill is by observing how masters do it. 

If you’re scratching your head about what authors this might include, I have a few recommendations. Anything by Brandilyn Collins is written in excellent Deep POV. You should also check out books by Karen Ball. She is the former editor who yanked my skill level up by the bootstraps by imparting these techniques during the editorial process for my debut novel. Colleen Coble is another author who writes mostly Deep third person. Also, it probably goes without saying that my books are written in Deep POV. (Hah! I said it!)

Award-winning author and writing teacher, Jill Elizabeth Nelson, writes what she likes to read—tales of adventure seasoned with romance, humor, and faith. Jill is a popular speaker for conferences, writers groups, library associations, and civic and church groups. She delights to bring the “Ahah! Moment” to her students as they make new skills their own. Her handbook for writers, Rivet Your Readers with Deep Point of View, is now available at Amazon. 

 





Visit Jill on the web at: www.jillelizabethnelson.com or look her up on Facebook or Twitter. Her next release is Betrayal on the Border, coming in December from Love Inspired Suspense.






Seekerville is DELIGHTED to have Jill with us today. I've downloaded her book and it's a classic for your writing tool bookshelf.

*UPDATE...Jill has just announced that, starting tomorrow and on Sunday, Rivet Your Reader with Deep POV is FREE FREE FREE. Because of that we will change our five copies giveaway to a ONE HUNDRED PERCENT GIVEAWAY, THANKS TO JILL'S GENEROSITY. Wait until tomorrow, then go get your copy FREE.

More Birthday Presents Here!

Deep POV with Guest Blogger Angi Morgan

EVERY word and phrase has a purpose & should be used to its fullest potential.

Deep Point of View refers to getting inside your character and writing almost from their first-person perspective. It’s POV that connects the reader to the character’s emotions, letting the reader become closer to the story, more involved.

Even without “Deep POV,” you can tighten your writing by being aware that EVERY word counts. Each word, phrase, paragraph, scene, and chapter should work together to progress your story either by revealing GMC or dropping a clue that will help the reader understand something at a later point.

  Deep POV ties emotion to actions and reactions, and connects the current action to what’s going on inside the character’s head (introspection, emotion, reaction).

Since people think in specifics, letting our characters think in specifics brings the reader closer to that character and WHY they’re thinking what they’re thinking at that exact moment. When you’re deep in a character’s POV, the character doesn’t keep secrets from himself (a Suzanne Brockmann tip I learned many moons ago).

DEEP POV lets the reader experience the story...instead of someone telling them the story. Very simple changes subtly change a sentence from “telling” into “showing” and bring us closer to the character, giving us insight into their world.

As writers we’re consistently told to avoid using “telling” words and phrases: felt, saw, heard, just as, plus, because, knew, little does she know, without thinking, however, she continued, he thought, she realized, couldn’t help but, can’t help noticing.  BUT WHY? As a writer, have you dissected your favorite type of book and looked at the type of sentence structure that excites you as a reader?

She knew she had to run, but it felt like her feet were stuck in quicksand.
VS
Run. Now. Make your quicksand feet move before you’re dead.

The first sentence is very passive. (Very Telling, as if I’m telling you how a third person felt.) Several years ago, the second example would have appeared in italics. It’s as if the character is talking to herself. Let’s think about this for a minute. If we’re in a character’s POV, we’re already in their… You got it! We’re already in their thoughts. So write as if you’re thinking. When thinking, we’re not formal. We use the same verbiage. We think in the same phrases. My writing “style” is to italicize for emphasis and when the character is directing a thought AT themselves (i.e.: I can run).
 

DEEP POV THROUGH SETTING
If the description doesn’t impact the character, it won’t impact the reader.

Setting is more than just describing the landscape or type & color of the furniture. It’s the tone of your characters’ surroundings and the attitude in which they think about it. If a man walks into a room and notices the paisley print curtains, he better be an interior designer or those curtains better look just like the set at his mother’s house. It’s not “in-character” for the Average Joe to notice curtains. The same goes for a heroine standing on her porch and describing the surroundings she sees every day. The author needs a reason for the heroine to be thinking about her surroundings.

At least one of your characters will be very familiar and comfortable with their corner of the world. The other will be observing not only the new locale, but also the way another character moves through it. Setting includes the observations about the actual way things look vs. the way things make a character feel. One or two words throughout a character’s thoughts can set the tone of your book and give you an excellent backdrop.

A FEW QUICK EXAMPLES:
It rained on them.  VS  Rain pelted them like ice shards.
They got in the rental car trying to get warm.  VS  They were both soaked to the skin, making him wish he’d rented a car with warming seats.

DESCRIBING ACTION
Let the reader experience the story instead of telling them the story...

When an author “lists” what a character is doing, they are viewing the scene from somewhere else--meaning another character or an omniscient POV (and the author usually ends up “telling” what’s happening instead of “showing” the action). By “list” I mean what they do through the scene step-by-step. To get deep POV, the author concentrates more on emotion and/or WHY the character is consciously thinking about his own movements.

Combining action, emotion and scene pulls the reader in and keeps them turning pages. Another outside character can’t know the true emotional reaction of what’s happening to the characters involved in the scene, and an omniscient POV places an interpretation upon the feelings the characters are experiencing.

The following is from my new book DANGEROUS MEMORIES (title may change) coming from Harlequin Intrigue. The first paragraph is how NOT to write an active scene, followed by what I actually wrote.

NOT ACTIVE, NOT DEEP POV
Levi watched while people ran to safety at the funeral. He needed to get Joseph’s daughter to safety so he ran through the flower arrangements and tackled her to the ground. He watched the wreaths fall onto the casket as roses and rain pelted them.

DANGEROUS MEMORIES (hopefully active and half-way decent)
Levi hurdled a flower arrangement to get her to safety faster. He should have listened to himself earlier and stood next to her. He heard the shot. Choices? Either hit the dirt or run like those in his peripheral vision. He leapt in a flying tackle to take Joseph’s daughter down with him.

He’d pushed hard off the slippery grass, heavily landing on top of Jolene. He turned as much as he could to take the brunt of the fall. Their bodies slid off the fake-grass rug, into the mud.

Wreath stands fell onto the casket.

Roses and other flowers fell on their heads.

Rain pelted them like ice shards.

Levi rolled on top of her, keeping his weight on his elbows and knees, using the bullet-proof vest he wore to shield her heart. If it were only that easy.

CAN YOU TELL A DIFFERENCE? The first paragraph tells the same information, but doesn’t get my heart racing like the section from my book. There’s one last thing you need to know about “telling” --always remember when it’s used correctly, it can be a good way to cut to the chase and get the information you need onto the page in the quickest fashion. Bottom line? Be aware of how you’re writing and manipulate how it affects the scene and what you want the reader to feel as a result of reading it.

Which example do you prefer? Let me know in your comment and I’ll put your name in the hat for some TEXAS magnets.

I CAN’T INCLUDE EVERYTHING SO…

For more Examples of “DEEP POV” go to my website article (soon to be posted on my own updated website.)

 

  Angi Morgan writes “Intrigues where honor and danger collide with love.” She combines actual Texas settings with characters who are in realistic and dangerous situations. Hill Country Holdup went on sale the very night it won the RWA Golden Heart® award and is a Bookseller’s Best & Romantic Times Best First Series Book Nominee. Her second Harlequin Intrigue®, .38 Caliber Cover-Up, is a Gayle Wilson Award of Excellence Nominee.

 FIND ANGI
 Website     Connect on Facebook     FB Fan Page     
 Twitter @AngiMorganAuthr
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Copyright 2012 Angi Morgan -- all rights reserved, please obtain written permission before use.

 

Today is another day of our March Speedbo. Find out more about Speedbo and our exciting weekly prizes here. Comment today for a chance to win! Winners announced in the Weekend Edition.

Some Deep Point of View tips

Camy here! I’m breaking my own rule about short blog posts because I got a few questions recently about deep point of view, and I thought it might be nice to give a few quick and dirty tips for how to deepen your character’s point of view in a manuscript.

(For those of you not familiar with the phrase, “deep point of view,” the point of going deeper in your limited third person point of view is to stick the reader in your character’s skin. This will often result in a more powerful emotional experience for your reader.)

Don’t name the emotion.

Many times, when a writer names an emotion, it distances the reader from the character. For example:

Anxiety trembled in her stomach.

Anger coursed through her.

She shivered as fear tiptoed down her spine.

Readers don’t fully feel the emotion when they simply read the words anxiety, anger, fear, etc.

They feel the emotion when they’re in the character’s body and head, feeling the physical sensations, acting with the character, thinking their thoughts, speaking their words.

An electric mixer in her stomach scrambled her insides.

Her body went rigid and her clawed hands trembled, a thread away from ripping the smile off his face.

A ghostly fingertip drew down her spine, freezing her shoulder blades together.

As with anything, moderation is the key—if the sentence flows better and is more powerful by naming the emotion, there’s no rule that says you can’t do it.

Eliminate “telling” verbs.

By “telling” verbs, I mean phrases like “he wondered,” “she realized,” “he saw,” “she felt,” etc.

He wondered if he’d ever return to her.

She realized he wasn’t the man she thought he was.

He decided to follow her.

She felt cold.

These “telling” verbs tend to distance the reader from the character rather than sticking the reader in the character’s skin.

Would he ever return to her? (By eliminating “he wondered,” the reader is thinking his thoughts with him.)

He wasn’t the man she thought he was.

He turned around and followed her. (This combines action with decision, which draws the reader along because something is happening.)

Cold. Her feet had disappeared. Her fingers wouldn’t move. The shivering had taken over her entire body. (Here, we d help the reader actually feel the character’s physical sensations.)

Show immediate emotional reactions in physical, thought, dialogue, action.

This isn’t a hard and fast rule, but often a character’s reaction to something usually follows this order:

(1) physical (gut or involuntary) reaction
(2) thought
(3) dialogue
(4) purposeful action

If you write a character’s reaction in this order, it will usually give a stronger visual picture in your reader’s mind, and the reader herself will almost feel the reactions with your character.

You don't have to use all four reactions. Go with the flow of the scene. Sometimes I only use one or two (like physical and thought, or thought and dialogue, etc.), whatever "feels" right to me when I write the scene.

One thing to remember--use vivid imagery for your reader and avoid clichés.

Don't have your heroine’s heart leap for joy. Instead:

For a wild moment, she thought, He's come to see me. And her heart twirled in a riotous dance." –Moi, Deadly Intent

Don’t have your hero go on red alert. Instead:

Follow your gut, Pete's first sergeant used to remind him. Right now, his gut was screaming that something wasn't on the up-and-up about this late-night rendezvous. –Debby Giusti, Protecting Her Child

Look at your own character's emotional reactions. Are they in the right order? Are they vivid?

Rewrite thoughts to be more immediate.

Many times, meandering thoughts are “telling” the reader information purely for the sake of the story.

Sarah wondered why he wanted to see her. She was only the housemaid, not a member of the family, and Lord Griffith hated her.

Sarah wouldn’t be likely to say to herself, “I’m only Josephine’s housemaid, not a member of the family, and Mr. Griffith hates me.” She knows all that already so she wouldn’t tell it to herself.

But she’d emotionally react to her knowledge of those facts, and her emotional reaction will draw the reader into her emotions, too.

Why would Lord Griffith want her, of all people? To further humiliate the housemaid? Her gut involuntarily clenched at the fleeting vision of his spit flying in her face, his gaze blacker than the coat of his prize-winning horse.

Don’t make it easy for your reader. Instead, make the reader work to discover clues about the characters.

Describe things as your point of view character would describe them.

Think of your character’s personality and life experiences. The language of the narrative—even though it’s in third person—would still closely reflect the character’s own word choices.

My heroine, Naomi Grant, wouldn’t describe her own father as Mr. Grant (unless they had a different sort of relationship and she was used to referring to her father as Mr. Grant, which would be a whole other set of neuroses). She’d be more likely to think of him as “Dad” or “my dad” or “my father.”

Word choice, descriptions, and grammar styles should differ from character to character as you switch point of views in your story.

Eat and leave. That’s all she had to do.

If Grandma didn’t kill her first for being late.

Lex Sakai raced through the open doorway to the Chinese restaurant and was immediately immersed in conversation, babies’ wails, clashing perfumes, and stale sesame oil. She tripped over the threshold and almost turned her ankle. Stupid pumps. Man, she hated wearing heels.

--Camy Tang, Sushi for One?
(forgive me for using so many of my own examples, but it’s just easier for me)

Compare to:

Andrea O’Malley paused on the threshold of the Chinese restaurant. She wasn’t sure if she liked the exotic smells that teased her nose—spices she couldn’t name, as well as nutty sesame oil, salty-sweet oyster sauce, pungent soy sauce. She patted her French twist, which didn’t need fiddling with. She couldn’t help it—she was a golden-haired alien in the midst of these black-haired party guests. At least she hadn’t dressed inappropriately—the other guests stood talking in clusters, the women in short silk dresses like her own.

Don’t describe things/people/settings—instead, experience them through your viewpoint character.

If you write nice sentences of colorful description of a person, setting, or object, there’s limited emotional involvement since the description could be coming from another person in the room, not necessarily your viewpoint character.

Instead, give your character’s emotional reaction to the description. Several things will happen:

(a) The description become more interesting because it will be from your viewpoint character’s eyes.

(b) The language of the description will reflect your viewpoint character (versus your own author voice).

(c) The reader becomes more involved in the description because it will have a more emotional element.

Here’s an excerpt from the original version of my manuscript, The Corinthian Rules (which got completely rewritten into Only Uni):

“All right, you lovely single ladies, come on up for the bouquet toss.”

Rats. She should have sneaked off to the restroom earlier.

Trish Sato ducked to hide from the sweeping gaze of the Master of Ceremonies, her skeletal Uncle Charley. He stood at the front of the large banquet room in his rumpled black tuxedo, his wisps of wiry grey hair floating several inches above his near-bald head. Light from the overhead fluorescent fixtures glared on his oversized glasses as he swung his head back and forth, seeking innocent maidens to capture.

(Not the most original of descriptions, I’m rather embarrassed at how cliché much of it is. But hey, I wrote it 6 years ago.)

You’ll notice a small bit of emotional involvement in the description, because Uncle Charley is shown as “seeking innocent maidens to capture,” and only a single woman like Trish would think of him that way—her mother or aunties certainly wouldn’t think that.

However, the emotion there is minimal at best.

Here’s the rewrite for a short story I’m working on (I offered the new, revised short story as a freebie for my newsletter subscribers, which was why I revived this monstrosity):

Rats. She should have sneaked off to the restroom earlier.

“All right, you lovely single ladies, come on up for the bouquet toss.”

Trish Sakai dropped her head to hide behind Aunt Amber’s permed curls, nearly dunking her chin in her rice bowl. Had Uncle Charley seen her? Hopefully he couldn’t see much of anything through his oversized glasses and the glare from his near-bald head.

She peeked around Aunt Amber, risking a quick glance at the front of the large banquet room. The skeletal Master of Ceremonies hovered in his rumpled black tuxedo, so she ducked back before he saw her. Why hadn’t someone stopped him from those last few shots of sake? Then he wouldn’t be so aggressive about the bouquet toss now. He swung his head back and forth, seeking innocent maidens to capture.

You’ll notice more action and more of Trish’s emotional reactions (primarily through her thoughts) to the description sentences.

Go through your own manuscript and look for descriptions. Are they simply descriptions, or do they spring from the viewpoint character’s eyes and thoughts?

Go deep in revisions, not first drafts.

This will vary from writer to writer, but in general, it’s usually best to deepen point of view in your revisions. In your first draft, just slap those words down on the page and don’t worry about point of view at all.

Just lay it down and come back to revise it later. You might even be surprised at the kinds of things you come up with.

Camy Tang writes romance with a kick of wasabi. Her novels Single Sashimi and Deadly Intent are out now. She runs the Story Sensei critique service, is a staff worker for her church youth group, and leads one of the worship teams for Sunday service. On her blog, she gives away Christian novels every week and ponders frivolous things. Sign up for her newsletter YahooGroup for monthly giveaways!