How to Recognize, Edit and Compose "Crystal Clear" Prose

by Guest blogger Vince Mooney

Hello, Seekerville! I'm thrilled to be here today to talk to you about one of my favorite topics -- language philosophy!  Now, before you run for the hills, please note that language philosophy is by far the funniest branch of Philosophy.

For example, just wait until you see the 'Crystal Clear' Headline Writing Quiz.' This quiz is fun to take and it can help you learn how to edit your writing for 'crystal clear' clarity. As a language philosopher, my training emphasized crystal clear writing. As a professional advertising copywriter writing crystal clear copy was absolutely essential for success. 

The following post was written by a philosopher

"Crystal Clear" Prose Defined

Crystal clear writing expresses the exact meaning and only that exact meaning which the author intended to convey.

If a sentence expresses the exact meaning the author intended to convey but it also expresses a second or third alternative meaning that the author did not intend to convey, then that sentence is not crystal clear.

Many find it very difficult to write crystal clear prose because a lot of words have multiple meanings. These different meanings can create substantial misunderstandings. They can also be quite humorous.

"Write What You Know"

"Write Like You Speak"

Most writers have heard the saying, "Write what you know."   In advertising copywriting there's also a saying that goes, "Write like you speak".

Writing like you speak may sound easy. Just dictate into a recording machine and have the computer's voice program print it out. The problem is this won't work. At least it won't work if you want reasonably clear copy.

We can know what each word means in a sentence but still not know what the sentence means.

In fact, writing like you speak is almost impossible -- if your goal is to produce crystal clear prose. It's also nearly impossible even if your goal is simply to write reasonably clear copy.

Ruth Logan Herne had this to say in one of her emails:

"I rarely encounter sentences I don't understand in stories, but I know lots of folks do. And I know when I'm using conversational English, sometimes folks will be like "What?????"

What Ruth was saying in the above email was that while what you say to someone may be perfectly clear to you, it can still be almost unintelligible to the reader once it is written down.

Communication can go anywhere. Do you know which way yours is going?

Why Is Spoken English So Fuzzy?

The reason it is so hard to write like you speak (and still make yourself understood in a crystal clear manner) is because when you speak to someone in person, your body language can be seen by the other party. Body language provides real time feedback to the speaker on how what is being said is being received by the listener. The listener in turn can observe the speaker's body language.  This two way feedback greatly helps improve spoken communication.

There was a joke going around when I lived in Italy that Italians had so much trouble making themselves understood over the telephone because they couldn't see each other's hands. Given the advantage of body language both parties to a conversation get continuous feedback. This valuable feedback is not available to a reader. For this reason many languages have developed both a book language and a spoken language.

The problem:

In English individual words can have several different meanings. Sometimes more than one

Is this sign crystal clear if you don't speak 'writer talk'?

of these many meanings will make perfect sense. In these cases a question can arise: "Which meaning did the speaker/writer intend and which meaning did the listener/reader receive?"

Some words can even mean the opposite of themselves. These are called “contronyms". For example, in British English 'to table an offer' means to present an offer but in American English it means 'to withdraw an offer'.

"Crystal Clear" Headline Editing Quiz

It's time for the quiz. All the below headlines actually ran. Each headline got by the writer, the copy editor, and the page editor and/or layout person. None of these people 'saw' what was wrong with the headline. If you want to write crystal clear prose, then you must train yourself to 'see' alternate meanings.

As you take this quiz ask yourself these questions:

Is the headline funny? If not, try to discover the alternative meaning that makes the headline funny.

If you find the headline to be funny, try to determine the original intent of the author.

Please rewrite these headlines so that their meaning becomes crystal clear.

1. "Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter"

When a reader called the editor about this, the editor read it twice and said, "What's wrong with it?"

"It's impossible to do. That's what's wrong with it."

Crystal Clear version: 

"Man Kills Wife and Daughter before shooting himself."

2. "Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says"

While the above sentence is clear -- it is not crystal clear. The real meaning intended by the author seems to be missing. Crystal clear writing should not cause the reader to wonder where the rest of the sentence went.

Crystal Clear version: 

"Birds Flying Into Jet Engines Was Cause of Crash, Expert says."

Has anyone seen our cow?

Has anyone seen my cowboys?

3. "Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers"

Even without the funny alternative meaning, the words 'run down' are not a very clear. This headline could mean that jaywalkers, who have already been ticketed but have failed to appear in court, are now being pursued by the police.

Crystal Clear version: 

"Police Begin Campaign to Ticket Jaywalkers"

4. "Miners Refuse to Work after Death"

Those lazy miners! They won't work after they've died.

Can you even imagine of what was intended by this headline? I had to think about it for a long time before I could come up with what might have been the intended meaning.

Crystal Clear version: 

"Miners refuse to work in a mine in which a miner was killed."

5. "Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant"

This may seem perfectly clear if you didn't think of the alternative meaning.

Crystal Clear version:

"Accused Suspect in Jones Shooting will be Tried in Juvenile Court"

 6) "War Dims Hope for Peace"

This may seem to have been intended to be funny but it was not. Can you figure out the intended meaning?

Crystal Clear version: 

"War in Crimea Dims Hope for Peace with Russia."

7) "If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile"

This is not too bad. I think we all can figure out what it means.

Crystal Clear version: 

"If strike is not settled by Sunday the opportunity for a quick settlement will be lost -- Experts say it could then last for many months."

8) "Enfield Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide"

What did the writer have in mind here?  

It may come down to a question of 'can someone be slain by mistake and it not be a homicide'?  I'm not sure.

Crystal Clear version:  

"Enfield Couple found dead; Police Suspect Homicide"

9) Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

This one is not that bad either. I think a lot of people would never even think of the alternative funny meaning. But it's not crystal clear.

Crystal Clear version: 

"Regulations Delay New Bridge Construction"

10)  "Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors"

Crystal Clear version:  

"Seven Podiatrists Sue Hospitals"

After taking this quiz you should be more prepared to look for alternative meanings in everything you write and read.

However, not all failures to achieve crystal clear prose are the result of alternative meanings.

The 'Intrinsically Un-Clear' Problem

Here are two examples sent by Ruth that are attributed to Ben Franklin:

"At the working man’s house hunger looks in but dares not enter."     

"Trouble springs from idleness and grievous toil from needless ease."  

The above statements may be unclear on purpose so as to seem profound. However, I would think that hunger would enter the working man's house quite often. In fact, I think both statements are clearly wrong as I interpret their meaning.

The 'Lost in Pronouns' Problem

“Did you pick up that Henry said he'd been gone for so long? I got the impression he'd been in the states for only a few days.”

Who is 'he'?  Is 'he' Henry or another man? I had to read several pages ahead into the story to find this out.

The famous damned Colorado river

 The 'Alternative Meaning That Makes Perfect Sense' Problem

"With hundreds of slot canyons and waterways lining this section of the damned Colorado River north of the Grand Canyon, it could take weeks to search the whole lake."

"Where the eagle flies", Sandra Leesmith

Did the author mean 'dammed' or 'damned'? I think we know but both make perfect sense in the context of the story.

The 'Did You Really Mean to Say That' problem

"There is no right way to write a novel."

Really? Then why try? If there is no right way, then every way is wrong! 

Crystal Clear:

"There are many right ways to write a novel."

Finally!

The 'The Asymmetrical Nature of the First Page' Problem 

Crystal clear editing is done using the mind's eye

The problem here is that things on the first page of a book can make perfect sense to the author and all her CPs but still be unintelligible to someone reading the page for the first time. I've read first pages of novels which made almost no sense to me.

Here's why: the author and CPs have read the first page many times. One author told me she'd rewritten the first page over fifty times! Since the author knows what happens in the rest of the book, everything the author writes appears to be in perfect context. Unfortunately, the reader does not know what is going to happen in the future or who the characters are.   

To uncover these first page problems it is important to have someone who knows nothing about the story read the first page and then stop reading!  Warning: these first page problems tend to disappear immediately once more of the story is read. You won't spot them on a second reading. Only fresh eyes can 'see' these unique first page problems. 

I found the second meaning

Developing the "Mind's Eye"

To obtain crystal clear clarity requires a special kind of editing. Looking for mistakes with your eyes, as you would look for typos, will not work. You must 'look' with your mind's eye. You will need to evaluate each word and sentence seeking alternative meanings.

Reading Crystal Clear Prose

I believe the best way to learn how to write crystal clear prose is to read writers who write that way. The best examples of crystal clear writing that I have found are in Janet Dean's romances. I've read all her books without ever having had to read a sentence twice because I stumbled on an alternative meaning. Reading Janet Dean's writing is like tapping a heavy crystal glass with a finger and hearing a clear distinctive ping -- a sure sign of genuine crystal.   

Thanks to all and please note: I make no claim that I can always write with crystal clear results.

I'm on holiday and my writing is crystal clear

Bio Vince Mooney is a friend of Seekerville. He’s a retired marketing creative person and college teacher who now runs a distant learning real estate school. He was university trained to be a philosopher but advertising paid better. Between his copywriting and nonfiction works, Vince has put over 3,000,000 words into print. His old boss once told him he should write a book on "How to Write Advertising That Swells". Vince has also given over 3,000 three-hour real estate and motivational seminars -- but it took 30 years!  Vince in married and lives in Tulsa.

Janet here. I've brought crystal clear foods to accompany Vince's post. There's beef and chicken bullion, yellow Jell-O, and 7-Up. Sound too much like tests have been scheduled? Don't worry those clear foods are just here to clean your pallet before a scrumptious brunch of breakfast and lunch items from smoked salmon to prime rib with side dishes galore and my favorite dessert cream puffs,

Leave a comment for a chance to win one of the Seeker novella sets: With This Spark, a collection of historical romances or Coffee Shop Romances, a contemporary collection. Winner’s choice.

My Two Cents: Worth Every Penny

Janet here. My opinion may be worth only a couple of pennies, but with the price of copper these days that two cents could be worth far more, maybe a whole nickel.     

Seekerville’s resident poet, philosopher, romance devotee and writer, Vince Mooney, has called my prose crystal clear. I didn’t pay Vince to say this so naturally I appreciated the compliment. Vince and I have talked about the topic. He compared crystal clear prose to a lake so crystal clear we can see the bottom. In today’s world that’s rare.

Crystal clear makes me think of fine stemware. When you run a damp finger around the rim of crystal, the glass will hum. Even sing. Good stories sing. Clarity is one reason a story sings.

I’d considered writing a post about the subject long before this, but I hesitated.

Why?

First, I’m not sure how to write with clarity so how can I teach others? I decided the topic was important enough to try.  

Second, what if my post is confusing and I look like an idiot? I opted to take that risk. After all, this is Seekerville, a safe place to share our thoughts.   

Why should writers try for crystal clear prose? On the flipside, what’s wrong with ambiguity? 

 ·         When readers must reread a sentence or passage to figure out  what the author meant, they’re ripped out of the story.

·         When words and descriptions are vague or farfetched, readers lose interest and set the book aside.

·         When our words don’t reveal a clear-cut point for the scene, the stakes won’t rise for the reader.
  

We writers want to make sure our style is easily understood, orderly and logical. How to achieve that clarity is harder to pin down. Here’s my two cents.  

·         WRITE EVERYTHING YOU WRITE WITH CLARITY. I’ve followed that advice for years.

Write that email, note or memo with clarity. Put your thoughts in sentence form. Write as if the reader is someone you want to impress, like an editor or Grammar Queen. I’ve even learned the importance of clarity on the grocery list since my retired husband does the shopping. Rice doesn’t work, not when wild rice, converted rice, brown rice and minute rice are on the shelves. When I’m not clear about what I want, I deserve what I get. That applies to far more than grocery lists. But I digress.   

I hear groaning. Do you think writing everything with clarity is a waste of valuable time? Perhaps rereading and, if necessary rewriting messages, will waste time at first. But, practice makes perfect. When you make sure your words convey the meaning you intend, you develop the habit of writing with clarity until crystal clear prose comes naturally.

·         WATCH THOSE LITTLE THINGS THAT CAN CONFUSE THE READER. To learn more about revising for clarity, read here.

     BEWARE OF IT. When undefined, IT can be vague and clutter up   your prose.

Example: He entered the dark house. It was scary.

What was scary? The house? The dark? The sound of the creaking floorboards beneath his feet? Replace generic “it” with rich details that illicit emotion and clarify events. When you can, rewrite sentences to eliminate “it.” You will write tighter and with more clarity.

BEWARE OF PRONOUNS. Use names when pronouns might confuse the reader. Or give the character an action that makes his identity obvious. This is especially important when a character thinks about someone of the same gender.

BEWARE OF DOUBLE WORDS. Double words stop me every time. Example: Though he’d hurt her her heart would mend. Adding a comma between the two hers helps. Or use her proper name. Though he’d hurt her, Julie’s heart would mend. Or reword.

BEWARE OF USING WORDS FOR WORDS SAKE. Long convoluted sentences bog a reader down. Straightforward words chosen with care read smoothly. Simple, short sentences can carry a wallop. The reason suspense writers use them.

BEWARE OF IMPROPER GRAMMAR AND PUNCTUATION. A missing comma, a poorly constructed sentence, a dangling participle can confuse.

·         GIVE CHARACTERS EXPLICIT GOALS, MOTIVATIONS AND CONFLICTS. When those important story elements are absent or vague, readers won’t connect with and root for the characters. Show and tell the reader what the character wants early on.   

·         WRITE SCENES THAT FORWARD THE PLOT. When we write a scene without a point or without a character goal, the scene doesn’t advance the plot or raise the stakes. Pointless tea scenes add nothing to the story and leave the reader perplexed. Or scenes that take forever to get to the point slow the pace.  

·         DO YOUR RESEARCH. When writers don’t know what they’re describing sometimes they try to cover a lack of research with vague descriptions that confuse the reader or worse, leave her dissatisfied, even angry.

These suggestions for crystal clear prose range from word choice to sentence structure to plot elements, even research. If that wide range is overwhelming yet you want to work on clarity, tackle one.

If clarity is your strength, share your suggestions for crystal clear prose.

I brought eggs, bacon and toasted bagels for breakfast. The eggs are over easy, not scrambled. The bacon is straight and crisp, simple to handle. The bagels are crunchy, easy to chew. Our menu is rich with clarity. LOL

Leave a comment for a chance to win a copy of The Bride Wore Spurs. If you bought my novel, thank you from the bottom of my heart! Still, why not put your name in the hat. If you win a second copy, you can share the story with a friend.