How Not to Get Caught Up in the Past

with guest Rachelle Dekker. 

Memories are a tricky thing. You will be going about your day normally when a smell, or song, or image, or thought will drop from out of nowhere and draw you back to a place you’ve been before. A recollection of a moment lived, either filled with joy or filled with dread. And if the memory is strong enough, it can be hard not to get stuck there. 

People say, “Our pasts are part of what defines us.” The choices we’ve made, the reactions we’ve had, and the roads we’ve traveled. And I would say those people are right, that where we come from is important to where we are currently. But what if your past is haunting you? Can you actually be free of those memories? 

The last couple of years I have been on a journey to really understanding forgiveness. 

Deeper still, how forgiveness relates to identity. How it relates to me. Because one thing has become very clear to me: we are all really good at holding on to the past. 

I am the oldest of four, which means I have three younger siblings with the uncanny ability to remember all the terrible things I did to them when we were young. And trust me, I was a terror. I was the oldest! It was my way or the highway! You know, typical firstborn syndrome. And even though we four are all adults now, and they have grown with me and seen me change and relax, there are still moments when one of them will react to me as if I’m the same bossy 12-year-old sister who threatened to lock them in a closet if they didn’t do what I demanded. 

It’s funny and playful now. They are just teasing me—getting back at me, so to speak—for all the torture, and I know that. But that doesn’t stop the tiny voice inside my head from reciting the familiar lies of shame. You should have done better. Gosh, you really failed at that. You should be ashamed and embarrassed. They’ll never really forgive you for that. You probably know the lies I’m talking about. I’m willing to bet you have a stash of your own.  

Now, let me just say, this isn’t my siblings’ faults. Actually, it has nothing to do with them at all. The problem isn’t with how others view me; the problem is with how I view myself. The issues are within my own mind, within my own perspective of who I am. Because—and I’ll say it again—we are really good at holding on to the past. 

Of course, you probably have relationships with people where a bridge has been burned and regardless of how you’ve tried, they refuse to let the past die. And unfortunately, I have yet to discover a way to make other people forgive you. So let’s set that piece aside and instead focus on what I believe is much stronger: forgiving yourself. 

Forgiving yourself is actually pretty simple. It’s just letting go. Letting go of the past, of the fear, the shame, the lies of doubt. Letting go of the idea that you can be less than, or inadequate. Letting go and returning to the truth of who you are.

I don’t know each of you personally, but I know what follows is true of you all. You are enough, you are capable, you are strong and fearless, you are beautiful and smart and kind, and you are worth more than you believe. I know that’s true of each of you because it is true of me, and we are the same. 

It is surprisingly hard to remember that truth when our minds are clouded with the memories of the past. Because just like I’m sure you are more awesome than you think, I’m also sure that you have the hardest time letting yourself off the hook. And that shapes the way we view ourselves. And the way we view ourselves shapes the way we view the world, but that is probably an idea for another article at a different time.

Today let’s just keep it simple. How do we let go of the past? Of the lies and the memories that haunt us? We practice forgiving ourselves. We practice giving ourselves grace. We practice remembering our worth and value. We practice remembering our truth. If you want to be free, then set yourself free! Let go of the lies of inadequacy and embrace where you are now. In this moment. 

I’m a big believer in “everything happens for a reason.” So all those moments from before got you here, but you don’t have to live in the past. And those moments that got you here don’t have to define where you are going. We’re in a new year, people! The past is behind us, so leave it behind. 

Imagine if you could embrace each new moment without the baggage of the ones in the past. If you gave yourself grace and forgiveness to step into the new memories free of the lies that held you before. Wouldn’t that be something? 

I believe you can. I believe I can. I’m working on it, at least. Spending a couple moments at the beginning of each day remembering who I am and letting go of the past. The transformation doesn’t happen overnight, and I still get stuck often, but I can feel a change coming! 

What about you? Maybe you’ve been traveling a similar road and have found a way to give yourself grace. I’d love to hear about it. Or maybe you just need somewhere to say, “Yep, that’s me, needing to learn to let it go.” I believe this is a safe place for that too. Speak out! I’ll stand with you wherever you are, because we are all the same.

We’re just learning to let it go and forgive ourselves. Learning to let the past be the past, learning to give ourselves grace, learning to love ourselves. And doing that—well, that might change the world.  

Rachelle Dekker

The oldest daughter of New York Times bestselling author Ted Dekker, Rachelle Dekker was inspired early on to discover truth through the avenue of storytelling. She graduated with a degree in communications and spent several years in marketing and corporate recruiting before making the transition to write full-time. She lives in Nashville with her husband, Daniel, and their diva cat, Blair. Her latest book and the final installment in the Seer series, The Returning, released on January 17, 2017 from Tyndale House Publishers.



Please join Seekerville, as we welcome Rachelle back to celebrate the release of the final book in the Seer series. Leave a comment for an opportunity to win a print copy. Winner announced in the Weekend Edition.

The Returning

Twenty years have passed since Carrington and Remko Brant’s baby, Elise, was kidnapped and they were forced to leave her captive in the Authority City. Though they fled with the Seers far from Authority reach, they’ve never given up hope of rescuing their daughter from the man who betrayed them. Now Authority President, he’s ushered the city into a new era of “peace”—one where the Scientist Roth Reynard’s Genesis Serum has eradicated all memory of emotion or rebellion.


But the mysterious Aaron and his Seers are once again on the move, threatening the illusion the Authority has worked so hard to build. As the Seers send seven chosen warriors to rescue Elise and bring restoration to the Authority City, the lines are drawn for a final battle between light and darkness. The key to ultimate victory may rest within the strangely powerful girl who has felt forgotten but was never abandoned—a truth she’ll need to wage war against the powerful forces of evil.

Stolen Advice, From Me to You

with guest blogger Rachelle Dekker.


The number one question I get asked as a published author is, “What advice would you give to other writers?”

I’m going to be honest: most of the time when this is asked of me, I want to scream, Don’t ask me that! Don’t you know that I spend most of my time in a dark hole, talking to fictional characters in my head—and my cat—about my problems, which almost always circle around the fact that I have no idea what I’m doing?!

But then I force myself to take a deep breath, smile, and remember that other authors have shared some amazing insights with me throughout my journey, so I can just repeat what they have shared and sound like I know what I’m talking about (also, because screaming at people in public is frowned upon). Because the truth is, all advice comes from someone around us who has taken the journey already, discovered heartache and freedom along the way, and then been brave enough to pass it on.

So I will continue the trend. Here is some of the best advice on writing that I’ve received.

There Is No Secret Formula 

You can’t imagine the number of hours I have lain on the floor of my office, or bedroom, or random coffee shop (I’m not allowed to go there anymore) and wondered, What’s the secret to writing a great novel? The time it would save me, if someone could just type out the instructions, hand them over, and end my suffering.

But the problem is, there isn’t a grand secret that the greats are hiding in some locked cellar, being guarded by dwarf ninjas and a fire-breathing dragon. The only secret is there is no secret. Which is a big bummer. Everyone is just figuring it out as they go along. They are following their hearts, listening to their Muses, and trying their best to write something they believe in. They are all just doing the work.    

Of course there are some small tools that help—tricks of the trade, like different methods of dealing with writer’s block (which I will get to) or better ways to build strong characters. These are all fine, good, and even helpful notes, but at the core, the only way to write a great novel is to do the work. Every day . . . unless of course you are reading this and have, in fact, found a secret formula. Then please share in the comments below, thus making the world a better place.

Intention Is Everything    

 Intention has become a pillar in my career. When I first started writing, I was young and in love with everything about the process. I could write for hours that bled into days that had me losing track of weeks. But now I often struggle to pull myself out of bed, brew my coffee, walk the thirteen stairs that lead up to my office, and sit in my chair. Because I know once I get up there I’m going to have to write.

 Don’t get me wrong, I still love it. But it’s also work. And like I mentioned before, the only way to write a great novel is to do the work. So intention becomes extremely important. I’ve created little cues for myself that help set my intention for the day. Silly things like, I wear contacts most of the time but wear my glasses when I write. I intentionally wear glasses so my intention for the next couple of hours is clear. When I wear glasses, I write. It tricks my mind and gives me a structure to create within. 

 I often go away to write. I lock myself in a hotel for two or three days to get as much work done as possible. My body and mind know that once I cross the threshold of that hotel room, the intention is to work nonstop. Something about these practices really helps me focus and get the work done. Intention is key.
   
When in Doubt, Kill Someone

If you’ve ever heard my father, Ted Dekker, speak on writing, then you have probably heard him say this: “When in doubt, kill someone.” This is one of the methods I use to deal with writer’s block. Whenever I get stuck in a space where I’m not sure where to take the story next, I play a game with my own imagination.

I think: Okay, so I’m stuck. Well, what if I kill my main character? Of course I can’t do that; the reader would hate me. Okay, well, what if I give her cancer? Or what if she gets hit by a car and loses the ability to walk? Oh, or what if I kill the man she just fell in love with? The one she’s been searching her entire life for, the one that almost got away? Yes! Or maybe he’s the one who gets diagnosed with cancer? Or maybe he’s secretly a dwarf ninja? (Note: I realize all of this is extremely depressing and dramatic, but just go with me.)
   
My point here is that once you start throwing hurdles at your own imagination, that creative juice that seems to have dried up tends to stir. That little monster opens an eye, and then both, and before you know it, you’re back into the story and dreaming up scenarios faster than you can write them down. 

 It’s about pushing your limits and seeing where the creative side of you will venture. And it’s important to mention here not to be afraid of where that creative spirit leads you. Sometimes it can be hard to step out of the boat and onto the waves, but if you trust in yourself and the leading that is calling you, I think you’ll be surprised to find you can actually walk on water.
   
If You Are Writing, Then You’re a Writer

I heard someone say once, “The only path to being a writer is a simple one, and it just requires one step. To write.” (I really wish I could remember who said this, because it would be great to be able to give them a shout-out here). 

This idea revolutionized the writing journey for me. I started to have a conversation with my inner Muse that was something like this:

ME: “So, wait, you’re saying I’m already a writer?”
MUSE: “Yes.”
ME: “But I’m not published yet.”
MUSE: “Are you writing?”
ME: “Yes.”
MUSE: “Then you are a writer.”
ME: “But what if I never get published?”
MUSE: “Getting published doesn’t make you a writer; writing makes you a writer.”

This meant that I could let go of the expectations that I placed on myself to “succeed” and just write. There was so much creative freedom in that, and I gained confidence in my writing by simply acknowledging that I was already a writer. 

Maybe you’re wondering, Well, if I don’t ever get published, then what is the point? And honestly, that isn’t a question anyone can answer for you. That is all part of the journey, my friends. It comes back to the basics of why you write. 

Personally, I write to discover truth. To learn with my characters, to dream bigger than I can on my own, and to stretch my mind to see the world and people differently. I write to face my fears, to overcome my demons, to walk on water. Maybe that’s too esoteric for you, and that’s okay, because why I write is specific only to me. The real question is why do you write?

So there you have it. Some words of wisdom passed from others to me, and maybe to you. Now let’s keep the sharing going. What advice would you give to other writers around you?
 

Rachelle Dekker was inspired early on to discover truth through the avenue of storytelling. She graduated with a degree in communications and spent several years in marketing and corporate recruiting before making the transition to write full-time. She lives in Nashville with her husband, Daniel, and their diva cat, Blair. Rachelle’s latest novel, The Calling, is available today.

The Calling  

 Remko Brant had never been so sure of anything as escaping the Authority City with Carrington Hale. But bravado comes easy when you have nothing to lose. Now a husband, father, and the tactical leader of the Seers, Remko has never had so much at risk.

As he and his team execute increasingly dangerous rescue missions inside the city, they face growing peril from a new enemy. Recently appointed Authority President Damien Gold claims to be guiding a city shaken by rebellion into a peaceful, harmonious future. But appearances can be deceiving. In order to achieve his dangerous ambitions, Gold knows he must do more than catch the rebels―he must destroy the hope their message represents . . . from the inside out.

With dissension in his own camp―and the CityWatch soldiers closing in―Remko feels control slipping through his fingers. To protect those he loves, he must conquer his fears and defeat Gold . . . before one of them becomes his undoing.


Rachel is generously offering a copy of The Calling to one commenter. Winner announced in the Weekend Edition.


 

Details on this week's incentives here.

Coloring Outside the Lines

with guest Rachelle Dekker.

I have never been a “rule-follower.” I don’t always break the rules, but I do find myself bending them from time to time. Part of it may be the rebel in me that always has to learn the hard way, but part of it comes from the constant creative flow that works its way through my brain. The question of Why? that follows me like a shadow. It dares me to wonder if things have to be done by the rules, and tells me that if I’m brave enough to color outside the lines my experience might be greater. I may unlock secrets others are too afraid to find. 

This part of me is loudest when I sit down to write. Getting published is difficult. There are many steps, many channels and people that have to buy into the story you’re essentially selling. And one of the major questions everyone is chasing is: What’s hot in the market right now? What rules do we need to follow so people will buy the books we’re selling? 

There’s nothing wrong with these questions—publishers and agents should be looking at them. They want to do right by their authors, and frankly, authors have to sell books in order to continue writing. So what happens then, as a writer, when the story you need to tell is out of fashion, by all accounts? Or when it doesn’t fit into the mold that people are comfortable with? 

In the seven years I’ve been actively working on getting published, I have been faced with this problem more often than not. My stories are too edgy, too different, too risky. I want to write religious fiction, but in a secular way. I don’t want my heroine to be saved by a man. I don’t really want to write romance. Why can’t I write about an assassin? Why can’t I write about vampires? Why can’t I write dystopian? The answer to these questions was always the same. Because that isn’t what sells. (Note: I’m talking about the Christian market here.)

There were many times when I thought about just doing what they asked. Giving in and writing what was popular. Now, please hear me when I say I have nothing against what is popular in Christian fiction. It’s beautiful and fantastic and I enjoy reading it! The only problem is that my heart was always pulling me in another direction, and in order for me to write authentically I had to follow my heart. So every time I heard, “This is fine, but I’m not sure it’s what’s right for the market,” I stood at a crossroads. Follow the advice of those who probably know better than you, or follow your gut. 

The decision wasn’t easy, because I really wanted to be published, I really wanted to write and make a living doing it. But I couldn’t ignore the calling in my spirit to be brave and follow the path less traveled. So I continued to write stuff that was outside the box and trusted that the leading in my spirit wouldn’t guide me astray. 

For me it was all a lesson in faithfulness—and trust. Trusting that if I was faithful to my calling then whatever purpose my calling was meant to have in the world would unfold, but I had to be faithful even in the hardest of times.  

Thankfully, I eventually found a publisher that was brave enough to jump off the ledge with me! I remember one of the first times we were at an event together, me and several representatives from my publisher. We were seated around a large round table, listening to the keynote speaker. She was an esteemed figure in the literary world, a top-ranked expert, and she said, “Don’t write or buy dystopian fiction; it’s on its way out.” I’m paraphrasing, of course, but it was something very similar to that. Fear exploded in my chest. I had just sold a novel fitting this exact description to the people sitting around me. I braved a glance at them and I was immediately encouraged. Their faces said, Don’t worry, we’ll prove her wrong. And I was thrilled to have continued to practice faithfulness in my craft. 


Write what your heart is telling you to. Follow the path even if you’re walking it alone. You never know where it will lead you, but if you are faithful to your calling, then you are exactly where you should be. 

What is your calling? Does it ever feel like the world is telling you there’s a right way to follow that calling, but your heart is leading you down another road?

The oldest daughter of New York Times bestselling author Ted Dekker, Rachelle Dekker was inspired early on to discover truth through storytelling. She graduated with a degree in communications and spent several years in marketing and corporate recruiting before making the transition to write full time. She lives in Nashville with her husband, Daniel, and their diva cat Blair. 

Visit her online at www.rachelledekker.com.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rachelledekkerauthor
Twitter: @RachelleDekker

Instagram: @rachelle_dekker


Rachelle is featured in the current Christian Fiction Online Magazine too!

The Choosing (A Seer Novel)

Like all citizens since the Ruining, Carrington Hale knows the importance of this day. But she never expected the moment she’d spent a lifetime preparing for―her Choosing ceremony―to end in disaster. Ripped from her family, she’ll spend her days serving as a Lint, the lowest level of society. She knows it’s her duty to follow the true way of the Authority.

But as Carrington begins this nightmare, rumors of rebellion rattle her beliefs. Though the whispers contradict everything she’s been told, they resonate deep within.


Then Carrington is offered an unprecedented chance at the life she’s always dreamed of, yet she can’t shake the feeling that it may be an illusion. With a killer targeting Lints and corruption threatening the highest levels of the Authority, Carrington must uncover the truth before it destroys her.


Leave a comment for an opportunity to win a copy of The Choosing (which releases TODAY on Amazon!) Winner announced in the Weekend Edition.