Yes, I know several extroverted writers and also a few ambiverts—people who are very comfortable being extroverts when they need to be but pulling back into introversion when it’s time to recharge. Introvert, extrovert, or ambivert, we each have our own ways of relating to others and the world around us.
So, even though I’m primarily addressing introverts today, I hope all you extrovert Villagers won’t flip over to Facebook or Twitter too soon, because even though we introverts might be an enigma to you, if you’ll take a little time to understand us, we’ll all get along better in the long run.
Okay, borrowing from various Twelve-Step programs, here are my suggested tips for surviving—and thriving!—as introverted writers and readers in an extrovert’s world.
- As introverts, we admit we cannot change ourselves into extroverts by force of will—and we don’t have to. It’s who we are, the way God created us. Yes, it’s hard at times. A lot of the time, in fact, since according to some surveys, in the world population as a whole, we’re in the minority.
- As introverts, we rely on God to help us find ways to live comfortably with the extroverts in our lives. Because maybe there are a few things we can learn from them, like how to make small talk when necessary in social settings or how to speak with confidence to agents, editors, book clubs, etc.
- As introverts, we turn our will and our lives over to the care of God and accept that He made us this way for a reason. I mean, can you imagine if the whole world were extroverts? Think of all the books that wouldn’t get written, the works of art we’d be missing out on, the heavy thinking that might never get thought.
- We make a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves—our strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, what drains our physical, mental, and emotional batteries and what recharges them. Feeling too overwhelmed at a writers conference? We give ourselves permission to skip a workshop and retreat to our room for an hour or two. Nervous about our agent or editor appointment? We have our one-sheet ready plus some responses printed out in advance to help us answer any questions we might be asked about our book.
- We are honest with God, ourselves, and the extroverts in our lives about our introversion. We do so neither in apology nor as superior beings, but because we accept that extroverts, introverts, and everyone in between are created differently and are equally usable by God for His purposes.
- We cease once and for all to let our introversion cast suspicion on our “mental health” or to judge ourselves as less somehow because it’s draining to be social and we need our alone time. We are not weird because we enjoy spending hours and hours alone with our laptops or curled up with a good book. We are not crazy because we hear characters’ voices in our heads or talk to ourselves while rehearsing the scene we’re working on.
- We humbly acknowledge our introversion and cease asking God to turn us into extroverts. We look instead to our strengths and use them productively, whether by claiming the quiet time we need to write and read or by finding and claiming appropriate opportunities to share our thoughts and insights with the extroverts in our lives.
- We interact with others in “safe” ways that preserve our energy. We use social media to our advantage, because being “extroverted” online takes only a few minutes, and afterward we can log off and recharge for as long as necessary. At large gatherings, we can befriend other introverts who might be feeling stressed or overwhelmed. (We recognize them by their deer-in-the-headlights expression and the fact that they’re lingering near an exit . . . pretty much the same area we’ve migrated to.)
- We identify extroverts we feel comfortable with, those dear friends who understand us and willingly run interference. We make every effort to hang out with these extroverts at conferences and other gatherings because they always make a point of introducing us to editors, agents, and other writer friends, and they subtly try to include us without making us feel like conversation-school dropouts.
- As far as it is possible, we make amends to anyone who may have felt slighted because of our introversion. When phone calls or face-to-face encounters are too intimidating, we express our care and concern with heartfelt handwritten notes or by sending meaningful gifts. Or we can gather our courage for an hour and invite our friends (only one or two at a time!) to meet us for lunch or coffee.
- If we have an extroverted spouse or other family member who thrives on social activity, we promise not to always say no to outings and social gatherings. In turn, we expect their consideration and understanding, and together we plan ahead for when “enough is enough.” This could be an agreed-upon signal for when it’s time to go. Or we could arrive in separate cars and politely take our leave while the other person stays to enjoy the party.
- Having fully embraced our introversion, we carry this message of acceptance and hope to other introverts who may still be struggling to find their place in a world full of extroverts.
Online:
(also find them on Facebook)
The Introverted Writer (Steve Laube Agency Blog)
Are You an Introvert or an Extrovert Writer? (The Write Practice)
16 Personalities (where you can take a personality test)
Books:
The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World, by Sophia Dembling
Public Speaking for Authors, Creatives and Other Introverts, by Joanna Penn
The Highly Sensitive Person, by Elaine N. Aron, PhD
Join the conversation today and let me know if you’d like to be entered in a drawing for your choice of Susan Cain’s book Quiet OR Joanna Penn’s book Public Speaking for Authors, Creatives, and Other Introverts.
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Twitter: @MyraJohnson and @TheGrammarQueen
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