Hooks, Lines and Sinkers: How to Reel in Readers

Janet here. I'm revisiting a post I wrote in 2012 that I thought deserved another look. We writers work long and hard to get that perfect hook to open our book—that first line that we write and rewrite to reach perfection--but we may not pay much attention to all the other opening lines in our chapters and scenes. I'll admit that the challenge is daunting to write first lines that will hook readers and keep them turning pages for 30-60 scenes.

We writers may open a scene/chapter with Point of View character's name. That's fine but if we don't vary our openings, we're apt to bore readers. Something we never want to do. 

We also may use opening lines to establish the timeline or day for the reader, but if overdone this technique risks reading like a dated journal.

We may write opening lines that reveal the setting or weather. Again nothing wrong with that if those elements hook readers. 

The problem comes when we write like real life, instead of using creative lines to open our scenes and chapters that will hook readers. 

I want to make the point that trying to write brilliant opening lines every time might keep us from getting the book written. LOL Worse, we could try so hard to write a hook that all that cleverness could get annoying.  

I found some opening lines in my books that I'm proud of, but I was surprised how often I'd written opening lines that were deadly dull, what I'll call sinkers. By sinkers, I mean lines that fail to hook, lines that sink into oblivion.

To give an example of a sinker from my debut, Courting Miss Adelaide, Sept. 2008: 

                 Charles walked the few blocks to the Ledger, his stride brisk. 

I lost an opportunity to grab readers, especially since a few sentences later Charles learns a woman had apparently hung herself. That piece of news is central to the plot and would've hooked readers far better.

          

SO HOW CAN WE UP EXCITEMENT, INTEREST WITH CLEVER OPENING LINES? 

SOMETIMES BY USING THE SECOND LINE AND OMITTING THE FIRST 

As I looked at my opening lines, I was also surprised to see that the second line often hooked me more than the first. If I’d flipped the two sentences, I’d have a stronger hook. Or in this example from Wanted: A Family, March 2011, I could’ve simply omitted the first mundane sentence:

Jake sat in Callie’s parlor holding Elise’s baby against his chest. Inside the blanket, the poor little thing drew her knees up, screeching like an alley cat in a midnight skirmish. And Jake didn’t know the first thing about comforting her.

A small tweak to the second line establishes the POV character and grabs the reader far better:

Inside the blanket, Elise’s baby drew her knees up, screeching like an alley cat in a midnight skirmish. And Jake didn’t know the first thing about comforting her.

This exercise made me see that a hooky opening line might not stand alone. The good news—it doesn’t have to. We can either write a second line to establish the point of view character and the setting. Or we can tweak that hooky opening line by adding the point of view character’s name later in the sentence.

I looked at opening lines that drew me and found several ways to start that can reel in readers. While the POV character name and setting may also be given, these sentences pop off the page because they show conflict, raise the stakes, establish tension.

·         START WITH DIALOGUE 

           “I don’t like you.” The pale blue eyes staring at Elizabeth were defiant, strong, so like her                    father, and not about to be dissuaded by a scorched bowl of soup. Janet Dean, The Substitute              Bride, LIH, Feb. 2010.

            "Jason," Melanie yelled, as she caught her son by his shirt collar. "Stay back!" Audra                          Harders, Rocky Mountain Hero, LI, Jan. 2011.

"I can't find Sally." Ruth Logan Herne, A Family to Cherish, Men of Allegany County, LI, June 2012. 

·         START WITH ACTION

          Heart in his throat, Jamison pulled to the curb and hit the ground running, weapon in                         one hand, MagLite in the other. Debby Giusti, The Colonel’s Daughter, LIS, Aug. 2012                            

·         START WITH ONE OF THE FIVE SENSES

           Even from yards away, the odor hit Elizabeth harder than a belch from Reginald Parks. Janet              Dean, The Substitute Bride, LIH, Feb. 2010

           From the look on her face, you’d have thought he’d asked her to help him dispose of a body.                Glynna Kaye, Second Chance Courtship, LI, February 2011

.

          The hospital smelled like a mix of cleaning products and rubbing alcohol as Michele stepped               into the elevator ahead of Jamison. Debby Giusti, The Colonel’s Daughter, LIS, Aug 2012.

·         START WITH SETTING

I’m not talking about setting as “in the parlor.” I’m talking about using descriptions that evoke emotion, establishing mood, or raise questions.  

           The sun shot rays of light into David Wellman’s office, shouting the start of a new day and                   grating against his every nerve. Janet Dean, Last Minute Bride, Brides of the West, LIH,                    April 2012.

         From under the leafy sugar maple, Katherine watched Andrew and Randy huddle on            the dock like a pair of conspirators. Cara James, A Path of Love, Aug. 2012

·         START WITH PHYSICAL REACTIONS

              Katherine's heart tightened, and for a split second she froze, staring as the train hurtled                      down upon them.  Cara James, A Path of Love, Aug. 2012.

·         START WITH CONFLICT

              Just what he didn’t need. A shadow from his past. One with big, sparkling brown                                 eyes looking at him like he walked on water. Glynna Kaye, High Country Hearts, LI,                           March 2012

            Outside the parsonage, her new husband turned to Elizabeth, the chill in his steely                              gray-blue eyes raising goose bumps on her arms. Janet Dean, The Substitute Bride,                              LIH, May 2010

·         START WITH ROMANCE

Romance doesn’t have to be a kiss or touch, though it can be. Use openings to show the POV character’s interest in the other protagonist.

          The fishing poles were a ruse. Not that Jake would                admit as much to Callie. Janet Dean, Wanted: A              Family, LIH, Mar. 2011.

 Jake’s invitation to go fishing was just an excuse to spend time with Callie. The second line establishes his POV. 

·         START WITH MYSTERY OR A VAGUE REFERENCE

            It was time. Janet Dean, An Inconvenient Match, LIH, Jan. 2012.

If you’ve read my post on bugaboos, you know too many it was/there was constructions bug me. Used sparingly they can be effective and raise questions.

Fifty-two hundred dollars.

Cam added the hard knot of financial anxiety alongside five years of guilt and figured he deserved both. Ruth Logan Herne, A Family to Cherish, LI, June 2012.

This excerpt would fit equally well under introspection/sequel. But that dollar amount was vague enough to make me want to know more.

·         START WITH HUMOR 

           Like every other time when she'd had dealings with her husband, right from the                                    moment she'd found him feverish in an army hospital in Georgia, Callie had to do all                          the thinking. Mary Connealy, Over the Edge, Aug. 2012.

           Seth hadn’t gotten a minute alone with his wife since—he paused. Had he ever                                      gotten a minute alone with her? At least when she was fully conscious? Mary                                        Connealy, Over the Edge, Aug. 2012. 

The punch line is the last sentence. Some lines need to be built upon and don’t work as openers.

           Geraldine Whitehall was dying. Again.  Janet Dean, Courting the Doctor’s Daughter,                            LIH, May 2009.

·         START WITH INTROSPECTION/SEQUEL

           Last evening, the mood between Elise and David had gone from congenial to chillier                            than homemade ice cream and had given Elise just as big a headache. Janet Dean,                                Last Minute Bride, Brides of the West, LIH, April 2012.

·         START WITH UNSPOKEN PRAYER

           Lord, what do you want from me? Audra Harders, Rocky Mountain Hero, LI, Jan.                                2011

·         START WITH A QUESTION

Why did Michele continue to get under his skin? The Colonel’s Daughter, LIS, Aug. 2012.

THIS WRITER KNOWS A GREAT HOOK WILL REEL IN HER READERS

TIE ENDINGS AND BEGINNINGS TOGETHER

Myra Johnson uses this technique in the following examples:

             [End scene]She watched him watching her lips, and her world shifted. Everything . . .            everything was about to change forever.

             [Next scene, in hero's POV If you do this, it changes everything.

             [End chapter] She cleared her throat, gaze locked on her folded hands. "I think it's                safe to say you've found what you were looking for."

             [Next chapter] Nathan had found what he was looking for, all right. Didn't take much              convincing to realize he was falling deeper in love every day.

When we use opening lines effectively, we give readers way more than the who, when and where and keep them turning pages.

I'm sure you can find other types of opening lines than I've listed here. If you're brave, share an opening line that hooks you from a chapter and scene that you’ve read or written. I hope to learn more from all of you. For a chance to win a $10 Amazon gift card, leave a comment.

I brought dessert pizza, a cookie dough crust with cream cheese and fruit. It’s a work of art and sure to grab your attention as much as those opening lines.

Open with a Bang!

Open with a Bang!

By Missy Tippens

Today, I want to share a writing exercise with you. To help you write a powerful story opening. I love to talk about first lines and first pages and want to give some tips for opening with a bang. I love the opening of my new Love Inspired book, A Family for Faith, that will be available on shelves this week. (Shameless self promotion alert!) :) I wrote the beginning of this book proposal while at a workshop and wanted to share some of what I learned.

For the proposal for this book, I had my characters chosen and all my charts filled out. I knew the GMC, knew the moral premise, knew some of the main plot points. But I needed to write the chapters. I needed to pull the reader in and hook him/her.

I had a hero, Gabe, who was a widower single dad who was still in love with his dead wife and held her on a pedestal. He also had a preteen daughter who was giving him fits and really needed a mother figure. I had decided to open in his point of view because I thought he was probably the most sympathetic character. He was also the one who was being thrown into change at the outset. (And his problem pulls the heroine, Faith, into the story.)

While attending a workshop taught by Dianna Love and Mary Buckham based on their fantastic how-to book, Break Into Fiction, they had us do an exercise to come up with the best way to open our story. I was thrilled with what I came up with during the class, and it ended up in the book nearly identical to the first version I wrote during that class.

One note I jotted during the workshop is to anchor the reader but don’t overdo the setting. (How many of us have written openings of a character driving back into town describing how the town has changed? I know I have.) Only include what is needed. And make sure it packs an emotional punch.

Another thing I noted was not to use chatter. Dialogue must be engaging. Also, if you use introspection (and don’t overdo this!), be sure it’s active and engaging as well.

In my scene, I needed to make sure the reader knows what Gabe’s goal is. I’ve learned to check every single scene in my stories to make sure the character has a goal. So it’s important for the opening as well.

As I was writing this post, I found the notes I made about my story while in Dianna’s and Mary’s class. I thought I’d share them, then let you look at the opening of my book to see if I followed through on all I planned.

My notes while brainstorming during the class (cut and paste):

Opening significance: show his daughter is kicking off or has kicked off the town in prayer for him to find a wife.

Need more… To show him lonely. To show him having trouble dealing with his maturing daughter. To see her straining against his overprotectivness.

Setting: maybe a weekend and she’s wanting to go out with friends? Maybe she’s put on lipstick and he freaks. She tells him he needs a life. Maybe they’re standing in bathroom and he catches her putting on makeup. And maybe she has a photo of mom on the counter and is looking at it!! He feels helpless.

Details: lonely, overprotective, in uniform (sheriff), helpless

Okay, so those are my notes. Here’s the opening of A Family for Faith:

Chapter One

Gabe Reynolds paced the photo-lined hallway, back and forth past baby and childhood pictures of his daughter, past the door where that same daughter did whatever pre-teen girls did behind closed doors. Considering the amount of time he spent coaxing her out of there these days, he figured he’d wear a path in the finish of the hardwood floor by the time his only child was grown and gone—something he intended to delay as long as possible.

He finally stopped and banged on the bathroom door. “Hurry up, Chels. You’ll be late.”

His dear, sweet daughter growled at him. Growled.

With a badge on his chest and weapon at his hip, he should be prepared to deal with anything. But give him a drunk or a thief any day over this soon-to-be-teenaged-girl business.

He pounded the door again. “I’ve gotta get back to the station. What are you doing in there?”

“For the thousandth time, I’m coming.”

He knew without a doubt that she was in there rolling her eyes at him. “What’s taking so long?”

“A work of art takes time,” she said in her best theatrical voice. Then she giggled, more like her normal, little girl self.

This switching from girl to young woman then back to girl in the blink of an eye was making his head spin. “You better not be putting on makeup.”

“I’m a teenager. All my friends wear makeup.”

“You’re not thirteen yet. And if all your friends jumped off—”

She yanked the door open so fast it banged into the wall. She glared at him. “No. If all my friends jumped off a bridge, I would not jump, too. This is totally different, and you know it.”

Her cheeks glowed with a too-bright pink that matched her tinted lips. Her mascaraed eyelashes, clumped into several uneven spikes, seemed a mile longer than usual. She looked grown-up. Too grown-up—the kind that would attract the attention of guys. “All I know is I forbade you to wear makeup and…and...” He jabbed his finger at the pile of containers on the bathroom counter. “That looks an awful lot like makeup. Where’d you get it?”

She huffed and tossed her dark curls over her shoulder. “I bought it with my allowance. And I’m learning to put it on so it accentuates my best features.”

She was accentuated all right. And sounded like she was spouting something she’d seen on an infomercial. He squinted as he checked out her face, so much like her mother’s it made it hard to look sometimes. And even though he had the urge to drop the subject and run the other direction, it was his job to deal with this kind of situation now. “You’ve got on lipstick. Wipe it off.”

“I want to look nice for our youth group meeting at the church tonight.”

“Why?”

She shrugged. “No reason.” She fingered a small picture frame on the counter, then quickly placed it face down before he could see whose photo it held. “Now, please let me finish. I’ll be out in five minutes.”

A boy. It had to be because of a boy. “Who is he?”

“Who’s who?”

“The boy. The one you’re putting makeup on for.”

She rubbed a finger with brown sparkly goop over her eyelid. “No one. I’m doing it for myself.”

“Hand it over.”

She sighed and slapped a little compact into his hand. “There, are you happy? No more eye shadow.”

“No. Hand over the photo. Of the boy.” He reached toward the picture frame.

“No!” She stopped him by grabbing hold of his hand. She looked terrified.

Which terrified him. If the guy was some high school punk, Gabe would be out the door and into the squad car in five seconds flat.

He shook Chelsea’s hand off and grabbed the gold frame. But he didn’t find some guy. All the frustration and fear whooshed out of him along with his breath when he found his wife. His sweet, beautiful wife.

Once he recovered his equilibrium, he said, “Chels, why do you have your mom’s picture in here?”

She gave a little shrug, this time not so rebellious. “I told you. I’m learning to put on makeup.”

Pain steamrolled him flat to the floor as he remembered Chelsea watching her mom put on lipstick on Sunday mornings before church and often asking if she could have some. Tina would smile, kiss a pink lip print on Chelsea’s cheek and promise to show her when she got older.

Now here their daughter was, studying Tina’s face, learning to apply lipstick by herself. Gabe ached for Chels. Ached period.

It had been five years since the accident, and just when he was making headway and felt like he might finally be able to breathe again, this had to happen.

“Please, Dad?” She took the frame from his hand and held the photo up beside her face. “See? I tried to do just what she did.”

He wanted to hug her. To protect her from any more pain in her young life. She needed her mom, especially for moments like this. But no, all she had was a cop dad who didn’t have a guess at how to handle his daughter growing up. He swallowed, then cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. But you’re just not old enough. You’ll have to wash that stuff off your face.”

She heaved a sigh that seemed to start at her toenails. “Okay.” She stared at the photo for a second. “Do I look pretty?” She’d said it so softly he wasn’t sure he heard her right. But then she turned to him and waited, looking everywhere but directly at him.

Oh, boy. “Well, now, I guess you better let me get a good look at you.”

She smiled shyly as she looked up, but then the smile went crooked as she gnawed on her lip. He had a feeling she wasn’t quite as comfortable being in makeup as she thought she would be.

“You look beautiful. Always.”

“I do look a little like Mom, don’t I?”

He breathed in through his nose, then forced a smile. “Even prettier.”

“Thanks.” She threw her arms around his waist, and for a split second, all was as it should be. Or at least it was back to the norm of the last few years. It would never again be as it should be.

Copyright © 2011 Melissa L. Tippens


Permission to reproduce text granted by Harlequin S.A.

Okay, Missy again. If you’d like to read the entire first chapter, I put it on my website. Click here to read now, but be sure to come back! There’s more! :)

So did I carry out all I wanted to do? I tried to make sure I had important details (photos on wall to show family is important, his badge and squad car to let us know his job, pain of losing wife, his overprotectiveness, that he feels overwhelmed.) I stated his goal: to delay her growing up as long as possible. Also wanted to show her straining against him, making him feel unprepared for her growing up. Also, I included her getting the town praying for him to find a wife, but I ended up saving that for later in the book.

I think I did pretty well managing to get everything I wanted in there. I hope it has just enough detail and makes you root for Gabe. I hope you feel his pain. And I hope you’re starting to wonder how on earth he’s going to deal with this problem—so you’ll keep reading! Yep, that’s the story question that you need to have in there.

When I emailed Dianna Love about including their writing exercise in my post, she was generous enough to share another writing exercise for you to try so you can enhance your opening line. (And believe me, that first line is extremely important! You have to suck and editor or agent right in.) From Dianna:

To create a strong opening line, ask this of the first line in your book –

1)    Is this the most important sentence on the opening page?

2)    What is it about this first line that will make the reader curious about my story if that’s all they read? 

3)    Is the sentence as concise and specific as it can be?

Dianna also shared an example of how you can take a good opening and use specific details to make it stronger.

A)    -       He opened his eyes and slowly took in his surroundings, searching for one thing that looked familiar. 

-       Prince Lucien opened his eyes and slowly took in his bleak surroundings, searching for one thing that looked familiar. 

-       Harry opened his eyes and whistled softly at his opulent surroundings, searching for one thing that looked familiar.

All three include action, but see how you can make a generic opening completely different with those details?

Okay, so take your first sentence and give this a try. If you dare, share it with us! Show us the sentence as you have it now. Then see if you can make it even better. I hope you’ll join the fun! I’ll be doing a drawing from among all commenters (even if you don’t participate) for a copy of A Family for Faith. Just be sure to let me know to enter you.

***********

Missy Tippens’ fourth book from Love Inspired, A Family for Faith, is available at

e-Harlequin

Amazon

Christian Book

Barnes & Noble

Check out Missy’s website to read the first chapter. If she did her job, you’ll want to keep reading!

A special thank you to Dianna Love and Mary Buckham! www.breakintofiction.com

The One-Sentence Hook

Camy here! Today I thought I’d do a more interactive post and have you guys create a one-sentence hook for your story. This is actually a lesson from my Synopsis online class that I teach through my Story Sensei critique service, so forgive me if you’ve taken my class and this sounds vaguely familiar. :)

An agent might use this one-sentence hook when she presents your story to an editor, or you can use this hook in your proposal, and an editor might use it when she presents it to the pub board. Actually, I would strongly suggest you have a one-sentence hook in your proposal, because even if your editor doesn’t use it in pub board, you may be asked to submit a one-sentence hook later, after the book is contracted, to give to the Marketing and Sales team.

This hook will also help you step back from your story and adopt a more high-level view of the manuscript. It can be hard to wrench yourself out of the nitty-gritty of the story and take this bird’s-eye view, so, well ... make an effort.

Be a little impassive about your story—don’t be too tied to it. That’ll help you to step back and look at the overall picture.

Here’s the actual one sentence hook I used when I was pitching my novel, Deadly Intent:

A massage therapist must prove her innocence when her client dies in her family’s elite Sonoma spa.
(17 words)

(1) Aim to make your one-sentence hook only 15-20 words long. No longer. I’m serious! The shorter, the better. Do not go trying to sneak in a 50-word one-sentence hook! I can count! ;)

(2) Don’t use proper names, because names mean nothing to an editor/agent. Instead, use a general term for the character’s identity. Don’t use “Jane Smith.” Instead use “a legal secretary” or “a volleyball player” or “a nurturer” or “an adventurer” or “an ex-cop.”

(3) Tie together the big picture and the personal picture. Which character has the most to lose in this story? Now tell me what he or she wants to win. Introduce the story problem—what keeps her from getting her goal.

(4) Make the sentence in present tense.

(5) Try to make the main character(s) the subject of your sentence. That way you can show the character(s) in action in the story conflict. For example:

A massage therapist must prove her innocence when her client dies in her family’s elite Sonoma spa.
“A massage therapist” is the subject, “prove her innocence” is the character in action and shows the story conflict.

This might take a while, so don’t be discouraged if you can’t shoot this one out in a few minutes.

When doing this exercise, *be very specific and deliberate in your word choices.*

A massage therapist must prove her innocence when her client dies in her family’s elite Sonoma spa.

Massage therapist—her profession, which is unique for the line I am writing for, Steeple Hill Love Inspired Suspense
Prove her innocence—the character’s story goal, also shows her being proactive as a character
Client dies—crime/suspense story conflict
Family—suggests her family plays a part as secondary characters
Elite spa—indicates the type of setting, dealing with the wealthy and pampered, which can also be a hook
Sonoma—place, which is also unique for the line I’m writing for

I broke down my sentence to show how certain key words would jump out and smack an editor. You might want to do the same with your 15-word sentence, just for yourself. (You don’t have to post the breakdown when you post your sentence.)

Focus on juicy words that promise lots of conflict or tug on heartstrings. Conflict and emotion.

Be very choosy about the words you use.

Also, a word of caution: Don’t be too vague. You want the editor to be able to hear the one-sentence hook and see immediately what the story premise is going to be like without needing an explanation what it means.

Post your sentence in the comments, and also include the story’s genre.

Everybody, feel free to offer feedback on each other. That’s what we’re all here for!

I’ll be checking in later in the day to comment and give feedback, so if you don’t hear from me right away, don’t freak out. :)

Camy Tang writes romance with a kick of wasabi. Her novels Single Sashimi and Deadly Intent are out now. She runs the Story Sensei critique service, is a staff worker for her church youth group, and leads one of the worship teams for Sunday service. On her blog, she gives away Christian novels and ponders frivolous things. Sign up for her newsletter YahooGroup for giveaways!

Choosing Sides

Missy here. I'll be giving away a copy of my new release, His Forever Love, today in a drawing from the comments. So please leave your comment and contact info!

I'm reading The Plot Thickens by Noah Lukeman. In his chapter on conflict, something he said really struck me. He said:

Conflict serves many functions: It involves the reader by requiring him to take sides (and thus sympathize), it creates a rift that paves the way for resolution and satisfaction, it aids in suspense, it can lend a work a sense of direction, and it can be unexpected and thus create unpredictability.

Wow. I loved that first bit—that it requires the reader take sides! I think I’ve talked before about making a character sympathetic. But the way Mr. Lukeman stated this made it really sink in for me.

Here are some examples of characters that have drawn me right in and had me cheering for them.

*From Mary Connealy’s Of Mice…and Murder:

Being named in Great-Grandma’s will was like hitting Bankrupt on Wheel of Fortune. The whole family held their breath while the wheel ticked around and around—or rather, while the lawyer opened the envelope. Then they all heaved a sigh of relief when the wheel stopped on Carrie’s name.

Carrie the heiress. Great.

Clean up the house.

Clean up the yard.

Clean up Great-Grandma’s rap sheet.

“I don’t know why it has to be me,” Carrie grumbled.

The empty kitchen—empty except for the garbage that Great-Grandma Bea had been amassing all her one hundred and three years—mocked her with its silence. (end excerpt while Missy snorts a laugh!)

I just loved that! There’s conflict for ya. Carrie’s an heiress to a mess. I already feel sorry for her. And I love her attitude. And her hero, Nick, is a to-die-for geek (I love those beta heroes). Here’s what happens after he “saves” Carrie from a mouse is and trying to get the nerve to ask her out…

She gave him that wide-eyed-wonder look again. Nick knew he had the social skills of a swamp rat. He’d never held one in his arms before. A woman, that is. He’d had a swamp rat or two in his grasp during Vertebrate Zoology in college.

To be or not to be a science geek or math geek, that was the question. Nick wanted to kick himself. Internal sarcasm with mutant Shakespearean quotes was a really bad indicator of coolness.

Dear God, could I be cool just this once in my pathetic life? … (skip a few paragraphs)

He could do this. How about dinner? Five syllables. He took a deep breath. “How about—”

“Nick, I’ve got to ask you a few questions.” (end excerpt)

You’ve got to love a guy who’s finally getting the nerve to ask her out, and he gets interrupted. :) And I just love his humor.

*From Act Two: a Novel in Perfect Pitch by Kimberly Stuart:

I once had a therapist who blamed my dislike of children on the Korean
War. I was never entirely sure how she made that connection.
Something to do with my father’s inability to serve because of bunions.
Or maybe it was my much-analyzed only-child complex. At any rate,
she left private practice to become a consultant for Montel, and I was left
with my visceral distaste for Baby Gap and Shirley Temple healthy and
intact.

Children unnerved me. They moved like their internal remote was
stuck on fast-forward. I never knew how to protect myself. That particular
winter morning, for example, I was tempted to think the little girl with a
velvet ribbon in her hair was benign, cherubic, even. And the next thing
I knew, she reached over to wipe a cocoa-sopped little mitt on my new
Burberry skirt. (end excerpt)

I had so much fun reading this book. Her heroine bordered on unlikeable because she could be snotty. But I just loved her anyway. What made her sympathetic was that she was at a crisis point in her life and career, and you just had to pull for her. Plus, she was hysterical. She would say and think things that I might wish I had the nerve to say! :) And the conflict is that she’s forced into a fish-out-of-water situation—the New York City diva on a pig farm in Iowa. Great conflict.

*From Courting Miss Adelaide by Janet Dean:

Adelaide Crum stepped to the open door and peered into the judge’s chambers. Her heart hammered beneath her corset. Now that the moment she’d waited for had arrived, her courage faltered. She considered turning tail and scurrying home. But then she remembered the quiet, the emptiness of those rooms. She closed her eyes and sent up a simple prayer. I don’t ask often, Lord, but I’m asking today. Please, let them say yes.

Squaring her shoulders, she crossed the room, then sat on one of the two chairs and faced the four men who held her future in their hands. To fill it with something, she laid her purse on the vacant seat, a seat that mocked her singleness. (end excerpt)

Okay, Janet’s got me feeling totally sympathetic toward Adelaide right out of the gate! I was hooked in the first paragraph, but then that was doubly so when I found out the heroine was painfully single. Haven’t most of us been there? Having to bear some burden all alone? And we definitely choose sides with her against these townsmen. Great conflict setup here.

*And from my new release, His Forever Love:

Time flew backward at warp speed for Bill Wellington when the name Lindsay Jones popped up on his cell phone.

Warm summer evenings studying on the front porch swing. Working together on projects.

Holding hands around The Forever Tree.

But then he hurtled back to the present as he realized there could be only one reason why she would call.

Granny.

He snapped opened his cell phone. "Lindsay, is Granny okay?"

"She's fine. Sorry to scare you."

He had programmed Lindsay's number into his phone when Granny hired her as a caregiver, so he'd assumed the worst. Relief nearly brought him to his knees. He waited for Lindsay to say more, but she remained silent. "Lindsay?"

"I'm sorry. I—" She sighed. "Your granny did take a fall, so I wanted to let you know. She has a mild concussion, and they're going to X-ray her wrist. But the doctor said she'll be fine."

Tension raced across his shoulders and ran up the back of his neck. "How did it happen?"

"She fell off the back porch early this morning while taking out the trash."

Poor Granny. "She's at the hospital now?"

"Yes. They'll probably keep her overnight for observation."

"I'll head down there as soon as I can get a flight."

"Oh, you don't need to do that. I'll stay with her. And Granny Bea didn't even want me to bother you."

She thought he'd be bothered? "No, I want to come check on her. Other than Drake, she's the only family I have."

She sighed again. "Do you need a ride from the airport?"

With all the sighs, it made him wonder what she thought of him. Or did she even think of him at all anymore? "No, thanks. I'll rent a car."

He closed his phone and clutched it in his palm. Lindsay Jones. Smart, beautiful, kind, funny. Since he'd avoided all the high school reunions, he hadn't seen her in nearly fifteen years.

A thrill at seeing her surged through him, then immediately plummeted. He hated the thought of heading home to Magnolia, Georgia, for more than a quick weekend. It would mean facing the townspeople he had escaped right after graduation.

It would mean facing Lindsay, as well. The woman he'd been crazy about from the age of ten, with whom he'd fallen in love in high school.

The woman he'd held hands with around The Forever Tree. And had thought he was destined to marry. (end excerpt)

So here I tried to show a bit of his backstory—which will be fleshed out later. But we see a hint of the unrequited love. And we see he didn’t fit in in the town. Plus, now he’s forced to go to take care of his injured granny and to face the woman he used to love. I’m hoping that makes the reader pull for him.

What about you? Are you characters sympathetic? Do you have enough conflict that your reader will want to take sides? Share with us how your manuscript is going!

*******

Missy’s new release, His Forever Love, is available now at eharlequin.com and Amazon.com and other online booksellers! Leave a comment with contact info for a chance to win a copy today! Also, you have another chance to win if you visit Missy at the Five Scribes Blog today!