You Might be a Contest Junkie if.....

NO idea what to post today...so I made up this little contest ditty.....see if you can relate.

If you check "Yes" to three or more....

You might be a contest junkie IF:

You actually KNOW the difference between a binder clip, a banker's clip, a butterfly clip and a paperclip.....

You are on a first-name basis with any and all RWA and ACFW coordinators....to the point they send you Christmas cards for keeping their chapters funded with entries. KIDDING!!! :-)

You actually have a "Contest" section in your budget...and it's in the necessities...not the wantities (yes, I made that word up)...and "Contests" gobble a large portion of your income...about like your mortgage...and if one has to go unpaid...well...you're confident you'll catch up on the house payment next month...

You vehemently hide the above budget data from your spouse....because you know he/she really will budge it...contests right off the list...

You're OCD about making a list and checking it twice just so you can know the names (but hopefully for their sake not the street addresses) of every person who has finaled in your category for the past three years...

You burn the above list and destroy all evidence if someone on it turns up missing before they sell....

You don't have to fake it...you TRULY are happy inside when the above happens....(The person's First Sale...not their disappearance..LOL!)

You've ever entered your dumbest, most-embarrassing manuscript just to keep your favorite category open...

You've ever had unruly thoughts about contest judges...come on...BE HONEST!!!

You fully understand why these things are kept confidential...

Your mail carrier makes a wide berth around your house for reasons unknown....

You live on the Contest Alert Loop and breathe by the e-mails......

You not only know what a Contest Diva is...you are one....for the past three years...

You know the exact distance in milliseconds to your nearest US Post Office, and can beat the mail truck before it pulls away from the USPS building's curb...except that one time you prayed for brake lights as you clutched your ms to your heaving chest and wished you'd eaten less brownies to commisserate all your non-finals as you chased the rumbling truck down the street.....

You can leap over tall margins with a single noun....

Your spouse reports you talk in your sleep on a monthly basis...something about that stinking hook on the 25th page....the 25th page...the 25th page....

You call in sick for work just so you can be home the day finalist calls go out.....and I don't just mean the GH...

You know the address to the nearest winery....for setting information only of course.....

Every editor at a particular house have read the first chapter of at least one to ten of your books in so many varying versions they're ready to fling themselves out the pub house window if you final again....

On GH finalist call and announcement day...every time your phone rings there arises such a clatter, your kids bound in asking, "Mom! What is the matter?" You have visions of super pronouns dancing in your head....as you listen close to what the coordinator says...

You run shrieking all through the house...not a creature is stirring...not even your spouse...

Until you report you need to shop for a pricey dress with care....get new shoes and snazzy new hair...and invite him to the awards where, with camera poised high, gets to see you accept that GH and thank him for his support...of which he is still unaware....

At least of the money part.......

Hey, what happens in the contest circuit....STAYS in the contest circuit!!!!

Cheryl Wyatt-who never got to get a GH...but had a ball watching others receive it....and hey...I still got to shop for a dress!!!