Holidays Overwhelming Our Writing

Missy here. Are you in a shopping panic? Still trying to finish decorating? Frantic about gifts and food for a gazillion holiday parties? Well, so am I. On Saturday, Jennifer Taylor, a fellow F.A.I.T.H. blogger, wrote about how the busyness of the holidays has left her overwhelmed. And how being overwhelmed has had an effect on her writing. She said she’s had recent feedback that her chapters lack emotion, and she attributes it to her real life “going through the motions” carrying over into her writing.

I think we all get there this time of year! I get drained. Wiped out emotionally, even. Then I start to read my own writing, and think, puleeze, that’s so lame. And as Jenn said in her post, thank goodness in our writing, we can go back over it and fix the problem.

So, do you have problems getting the emotions in your writing, layering in all that makes your writing better? I thought I’d make up a passage to show what might be a typical progression in my writing. (Sorry about formatting problems. I tried to fix but Blogger doesn't like me.) See where you are along the steps:

Ex. 1 Talking heads. I am the queen of this. My first drafts are very heavy on dialogue, and dialogue is great. But without action or reflection, it makes for a tedious rhythm to the reader.

“It’s good to see you again,” she said.
“Wow. You look just the same.”
“So, how long are you here for?” she asked.
“Just long enough to finalize Grandma’s estate,” he said.
“So I guess you have a wife and houseful of children by now.”
He laughed. “Hardly. No, just me and my dog.”
********
Ex. 2 Add in a little more action. You have all the tags so you know who’s speaking. And it may be a bit interesting. But something is still missing. It almost feels like a script for a puppet show (with speaking lines and movements). The readers just can’t get involved. After a few pages, they think, who cares? And notice, other than the heart pounding, you can hardly tell who’s POV you’re in!

Her heart began to pound. “It’s good to see you again,” she said as she approached from across the room.
His mouth fell open. “Wow. You look just the same.”
“So, how long are you here for?” she asked as she bit back a smile.
“Just long enough to finalize Grandma’s estate,” he said.
She looked behind him. “So… I guess you have a wife and houseful of children by now.”
He laughed and looked behind him as well, as if making sure there wasn’t anyone there. “Hardly. No, just me and my dog.”
*******
Ex. 3 Dialogue, action, and some emotion added in. This version is getting much better. The reader will definitely be more involved. You’re also more anchored in the POV character’s head. (Deeper POV.)

There he was. Across the room. Her heart began to pound, but she forced herself to put one foot in front of the other. “It’s good to see you again,” she said as she approached.
His mouth fell open. “Wow. You look just the same.”
“So, how long are you here for?” she asked as she bit back a smile. She absolutely should not be so pleased that his mouth fell open.
“Just long enough to finalize Grandma’s estate,” he said. He smiled, but she could see the pain of loss.
She looked behind him, expecting to see some lucky woman waiting, preparing herself for the hurt. “So… I guess you have a wife and houseful of children by now.”
He laughed and looked behind him as well, as if making sure there wasn’t anyone there. “Hardly. No, just me and my dog.”
********

Ex. 4 And now, adding in some fine-tuning: the perfect word choices, adding in more setting and the senses, a little more specific emotions, bits of backstory, taking out unnecessary tags…

There he was. Across the too-small restaurant, looking calm, in control…gorgeous. More gorgeous than he’d looked the last time he kissed her.
Her heart gave a squeeze and began to pound, but she forced herself to put one foot in front of the other. Her high heels click-clacked on the tile floor as she neared the man who’d broken her heart five years ago. “It’s good to see you again,” she said as bravely as she could manage, with only one little wobble in her voice.
His mouth fell open. But then the shocked expression turned to…pleasure? “Wow. You look just the same.”
“So, how long are you here for?” she asked as she bit back a smile. She absolutely should not be so relieved that he looked so pleased.
His cheek gave the slightest flinch. “Just long enough to finalize Grandma’s estate.” He smiled, but she could see the pain of loss.
She had to fight a sudden urge to comfort him. It wasn’t her place, after all. Instead, she peeked behind him, expecting to see some lucky woman waiting, preparing herself for the hurt. “So… I guess you have a wife and houseful of children by now.”
Please say no, please say no.
He laughed and looked behind him as well, as if making sure there wasn’t anyone there. “No, just me and my dog.” Then he took a step closer. A little too close for a casual conversation. “What about you?”

See how much better! This is what I shoot for on the first draft. But I never get there. For one thing, it makes the writing a whole lot slower. But hey, a girl can dream, can’t she? :)

So, where along the four steps are you in your current WIP?

Missy