Dispatch From Unpubbed Island

Today is my day to climb the palms on the backside of the island and bring in the fresh coconuts for the rest of the unpubs.

Not my favorite task, and me doing the shimmy up that tall tree is not a visual either of us wants to repeat.

From the top of this tree I can see the entire island. The rest of the gals can't see or hear me, but I can see them.


There's Ruth, sitting on a piece of driftwood reading a Harlequin SuperRomance and eating Mallow Cups. Cara and Sandra are chatting on the beach; probably discussing Cara's dress for the Golden Heart awards ceremony. Audra is catching fish in the lagoon. And Pam is in the hammock reading her Excel Bible.


I have been waiting for this moment alone to get something off my chest and screaming from the pinnacle of a tall palm on Unpubbed Island seems the appropriate place.

I want off this blasted island!!

Oh, my, that felt good. Really good.

Life's been a little on the ragged side lately,though I really do try to make the most of my situation and move forward.

Time to carefully climb down this tree and consider my assets.

What exactly are my assets?



Coconuts.

Lots of coconuts.
So what do I do with coconuts?


10 Things To Do With a Coconut

1. I can practise my pitch.

With some help...

• Laurie Schenbly Campell-Ten Minutes to Glory Your Editor Agent Pitch
• Nancy Warren-Pitch Perfect
• Kathy Carmichael-Pitch Workshop

2. I can make writing snacks.

Trail Mix

2 pounds dry roasted peanuts

2 pounds cashews
1 pound raisins
1 pound M&M's
1/2 pound flaked coconut
Directions: Combine all ingredients in a large bowl.
Store in an airtight container.
Yield: 6 quarts.


3. I can exercise. I'll have the best looking writerly bod at the next conference using a coconut as a medicine ball. Or what about bowling with coconuts?


4. Make coconut jewelry to trade on the mainland for writing supplies.Making jewelry is therapy. Every writer needs a little therapy.

5. I can sell coconuts on E-Bay to pay for a professional writing critique or line editing.

Professional Editing Services:

• Leslie Wainger-Book Doctor

• Write Words Editing

• EA Sharpe Enterprises

• Harlequin Romance Novel Critique Service

6. Write what I know. How about an epic romance about a beautiful, witty, 3rd generation Italian-American woman (did I mention she is really beautiful?) stuck on an island? The hero is a ship's captain! He saves her from a band of maurading coconut pirates.

Conflict. I need more conflict. Time to pull out my writing resources from the hut.

Michael Hague and Christopher Vogler, The Hero's Two Journeys

Techniques of the Selling Writer by Dwight V. Swain

GMC: The Building Blocks To Good Fiction by Deborah Dixon

Making A Good Script Great by Linda Seger

The Fire in Fiction: Passion, Purpose and Techniques to Make Your Novel Great by Donald Maass

7. I could open a writer's cafe on the island.

A perfect retreat for writers, editors and agents to talk shop, eat, drink and be merry. The perfect place to showcase...MOI!

Name. We need a name.

Seekerville Coconut Shack!




Now we need signature menu items:

Coconut Shack Tropical Smoothie

Makes about 2 ¾ cups

Ingredients

1 (15-ounce) can Cream of Coconut
¾ cup pineapple juice, chilled
½ cup fresh or frozen unsweetened strawberries
1 small banana, sliced
¼ cup lime juice
¼ cup sugar
1 cup ice cubes

Instructions

In blender container, combine all ingredients except ice; blend until smooth.
Garnish as desired, Serve immediately. Refrigerate leftovers.

Unpubbed Coconut Shrimp

Ingredients:

24 medium Shrimp
3/4 cup Flour
1/2 tsp Garlic and herb seasoning
1 egg, well beaten
1/4 tsp Black Pepper
1/4 cup shredded Coconut

Directions: Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Spray large baking sheet with non-stick spray. Sprinkle shrimp evenly with seasoning blend and pepper. Place flour, egg, and coconut in three small separate bowls. Dip shrimp first in egg, then flour, then back in egg, then generously in coconut. Arrange shrimp on baking sheet. Bake 12 to 15 minutes or until golden and crisp. Serve with dipping sauce. Makes 4 servings.

8. I can write Elmore Leonard's Ten Rules on coconuts and display the rules prominently in my writing hut.

1. Never open a book with weather.
2. Avoid prologues.
3. Never use a verb other than "said" to carry dialogue.
4. Never use an adverb to modify the verb "said”…he admonished gravely.
5. Keep your exclamation points under control. You are allowed no more than two or three per 100,000 words of prose.
6. Never use the words "suddenly" or "all hell broke loose."
7. Use regional dialect, patois, sparingly.
8. Avoid detailed descriptions of characters.
9. Don't go into great detail describing places and things.
10. Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip.

9. No time like now to start painting coconut invites for my First Sale Party!





10. President John Kennedy kept a very special coconut paperweight on his desk in the White House.



While he was serving in WW2 as commander of the PT109, his boat was hit by a Japanese destroyer and his crew was stranded in the Solomon Islands. Lieutenant John F. Kennedy carved this Coconut shell with a message and gave it to two natives to deliver to the PT base at Rendova so he and his crew would be rescued. He later had the coconut shell encased in wood and plastic and used it as a paperweight on his desk in the Oval Office. The message carved on coconut shell reads "NAURO ISL…COMMANDER…NATIVE KNOWS POS'IT…HE CAN PILOT…11 ALIVE…NEED SMALL BOAT…KENNEDY".


And so with respect to PT109, I share my coconut help message:

Amazing, how much better I feel.

I feel good enough for a coconut giveaway.

All you have to do is tell me what you'd do on Upubbed Island and your name goes into a drawing for a free coconut prize package. Contents are of course a surprise.

Winner will be announced in the Weekend Edition

By the way, the proper way to open a coconut isn't hitting it with a hammer.

Hold coconut over a bowl in one hand such that the "midriff" rests in the middle of your palm, with the tip on one end and the eyes on the other.

Whack the coconut with the blunt of a meat cleaver a few times all around the center until it cracks open cleanly into two nearly equal halves.

Catch the juice in the bowl as it drains from the cracks.