Anne Marie Becker: When Did I Join the Circus?

I haven’t been kidnapped. I didn’t run away. But somehow, I ended up in the midst of craziness. I chose the path my life has taken and I love where I’ve ended up so far, but most days (especially lately) it feels like I’ve joined the circus.

When I was asked to blog about how I balance being a writer with the rest of my life (i.e., being a mother, wife, daughter, sister, and somewhat productive member of society), I had to laugh. Balance? Most days, it feels like I’m teetering from one project to the next, barely gaining my footing. It feels like I’m cramming a piece of writing in here, feeding the kids there, a quick check of my emails here, get the kids in the tub over there (and clean up the inevitable mess that follows one or several – sometimes all! – of the aforementioned).

But sometimes, life is chaotic. Life cycles. We all have slow times (even if they’re a distant memory). We all have busy times. And we all have times when we need to take a break from everything.

RINGMASTER

Even though recent times have made me look around, searching for the yellow-and-red-striped tent that must surely be surrounding me, on those rare occasions that allow for deeper introspection, I realize I do have a balance to my life. While my life sometimes feels like a circus, it’s an extremely well run circus, mainly because I am still in control. I am the ringmaster, and as such, I set clear, definable, attainable goals and have learned to review them on a weekly basis.

I’ve set goals in every arena of my life – writing, mothering, taking care of the house, and so on. At the start of each week, I set aside time to look at my goals for the week and determine what I can manage to accomplish, breaking them into smaller pieces if I have to. These goals are given a priority, and higher priorities must come first that week. These priorities can change on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis, depending on what’s going on in my life. I’m the ringmaster, but during the course of any given day, I may have to step in and be the clown, lion tamer, strongman, or juggler.

CLOWN, LION TAMER, and STRONGMAN

If you have children, a spouse, or any kind of family or friends, you know that you will be called upon (sometimes hourly) to fill one of these roles. Kids crying or significant other pouting? Put your clown face on and do kid things for a while to fill their needs. Siblings fighting? Break out your whip and play the lion tamer. Have to lug a bajillion bags of groceries up the stairs, clean the house, and mow the lawn? Time to be the strongman. All jobs are important to making this circus thrive.

JUGGLER
Not just any juggler, but one of those breath-stealing, death-defying jugglers who flings fiery contraptions into the air and catches them again with amazing precision and skill. And that’s just while trying to herd my 4- and 6-year-old offspring to school in the morning. I do it all over again when they come home. And while they’re gone, I do a similar juggling act with my other roles in life – wife, housekeeper, daughter, sister, friend, president of my local RWA chapter, and writer.

Notice how I put “writer” last? Unfortunately, many days that’s how it feels. But I still keep at it. Even if I only write 20 minutes a day (which is how it all started several years ago, by the way), I count the day a successful writing day. There are days I spend 6 hours or more on writing-related projects, but I’ve learned that those days aren’t the norm. And something almost always “pops up” during the course of a day so that I’ve learned to plan my schedule with built-in “crisis time” to cover any unexpected surprises. I treasure every small bit of time I can write, just as I treasure the time I have as a mother and wife, daughter and sister. Writing is a part of me now. So when people ask – how do you find the time? – I have to say, how can I not?

One thing that helps immensely is a skill for juggling – er, I mean multi-tasking. I have trained myself to be well organized – a true blessing in a business where you often set your own deadlines and juggle responsibilities, submitting queries on one manuscript at the same time you’re editing another and plotting a third. To keep all these balls in the air, I have calendars, and lists, and lists of my lists. In fact, a fellow Golden Heart finalist (Jacqui Jacoby) and I are putting together a Writer’s Organization Toolkit that we hope to sell at the Moonlight Madness Bazaar at the national conference – all to raise money for our local chapter. We were shocked at how few time management and goal setting resources were available specifically for writers (as in, none).

WALKING THE TIGHTROPE

Over the years, I’ve had to accept that I can’t manage time, but I can manage how I spend my time. I’ve developed a system that works for me. (Did I mention the lists?) I have a weekly To-Do List, broken down into days, of things I have to do that week. At the end of my list is a column called “Later” for things that aren’t demanding my time this week, but that I need to focus on in coming weeks. I have two calendars I consult on a weekly basis – one for family appointments and one for writing goals and deadlines.

It may seem complicated, but the key is I’ve found a system that works for me. I am a perfectionist, and writing a list each week that details what I need to (or should) accomplish each day helps get the “chatter” out of my head. I found that I’d feel anxious about getting everything done – until I wrote it down. Just knowing it was written in permanent ink in the top drawer of my desk really helped. If something pops up, I simply add it to the list, on a day I think I can handle it, or on the “Later” list if there isn’t enough time. Most important, though, is it gets it all out of my head, so I can sleep at night. I’ve learned to let go of what I can’t get done during the day, and add it to another day’s To-Do List.

THE GREATEST SHOW…
Despite the chaos, I love the juggling act. I’m someone who can’t abide boredom, which is why I picked up writing full-time. I needed a fantasy world to be an alternate dimension to my real world. And, after having worked as a counselor with people from all walks of life, and in all kinds of mental states, I can say that I’m lucky to have the chaos. It’s part of a healthy life, if you can find a way to juggle it without too much stress. And who wants to die saying every day was normal, uneventful, and boring? Not me! So I say, enjoy the circus!

Thank you for having me here at Seekerville. You seem like a fabulous, supportive group of writers. You all get free tickets to my circus! If you’d care to comment, I’d love to hear how everyone out there juggles life. I’m always learning.

Happy writing (and mothering, working, housekeeping, or whatever other roles fill your days),

Anne Marie
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Anne Marie Becker’s life is often like a circus, but she wouldn’t change a thing. She loves being a wife, mother, daughter, sister, president, and award-winning writer. Recent additions to her To-Do List include shopping for a dress for the Golden Heart ceremony, where she’s a finalist in the Romantic Suspense category. You can visit her at www.annemariebecker.com.