The One-Sentence Hook

Camy here! Today I thought I’d do a more interactive post and have you guys create a one-sentence hook for your story. This is actually a lesson from my Synopsis online class that I teach through my Story Sensei critique service, so forgive me if you’ve taken my class and this sounds vaguely familiar. :)

An agent might use this one-sentence hook when she presents your story to an editor, or you can use this hook in your proposal, and an editor might use it when she presents it to the pub board. Actually, I would strongly suggest you have a one-sentence hook in your proposal, because even if your editor doesn’t use it in pub board, you may be asked to submit a one-sentence hook later, after the book is contracted, to give to the Marketing and Sales team.

This hook will also help you step back from your story and adopt a more high-level view of the manuscript. It can be hard to wrench yourself out of the nitty-gritty of the story and take this bird’s-eye view, so, well ... make an effort.

Be a little impassive about your story—don’t be too tied to it. That’ll help you to step back and look at the overall picture.

Here’s the actual one sentence hook I used when I was pitching my novel, Deadly Intent:

A massage therapist must prove her innocence when her client dies in her family’s elite Sonoma spa.
(17 words)

(1) Aim to make your one-sentence hook only 15-20 words long. No longer. I’m serious! The shorter, the better. Do not go trying to sneak in a 50-word one-sentence hook! I can count! ;)

(2) Don’t use proper names, because names mean nothing to an editor/agent. Instead, use a general term for the character’s identity. Don’t use “Jane Smith.” Instead use “a legal secretary” or “a volleyball player” or “a nurturer” or “an adventurer” or “an ex-cop.”

(3) Tie together the big picture and the personal picture. Which character has the most to lose in this story? Now tell me what he or she wants to win. Introduce the story problem—what keeps her from getting her goal.

(4) Make the sentence in present tense.

(5) Try to make the main character(s) the subject of your sentence. That way you can show the character(s) in action in the story conflict. For example:

A massage therapist must prove her innocence when her client dies in her family’s elite Sonoma spa.
“A massage therapist” is the subject, “prove her innocence” is the character in action and shows the story conflict.

This might take a while, so don’t be discouraged if you can’t shoot this one out in a few minutes.

When doing this exercise, *be very specific and deliberate in your word choices.*

A massage therapist must prove her innocence when her client dies in her family’s elite Sonoma spa.

Massage therapist—her profession, which is unique for the line I am writing for, Steeple Hill Love Inspired Suspense
Prove her innocence—the character’s story goal, also shows her being proactive as a character
Client dies—crime/suspense story conflict
Family—suggests her family plays a part as secondary characters
Elite spa—indicates the type of setting, dealing with the wealthy and pampered, which can also be a hook
Sonoma—place, which is also unique for the line I’m writing for

I broke down my sentence to show how certain key words would jump out and smack an editor. You might want to do the same with your 15-word sentence, just for yourself. (You don’t have to post the breakdown when you post your sentence.)

Focus on juicy words that promise lots of conflict or tug on heartstrings. Conflict and emotion.

Be very choosy about the words you use.

Also, a word of caution: Don’t be too vague. You want the editor to be able to hear the one-sentence hook and see immediately what the story premise is going to be like without needing an explanation what it means.

Post your sentence in the comments, and also include the story’s genre.

Everybody, feel free to offer feedback on each other. That’s what we’re all here for!

I’ll be checking in later in the day to comment and give feedback, so if you don’t hear from me right away, don’t freak out. :)

Camy Tang writes romance with a kick of wasabi. Her novels Single Sashimi and Deadly Intent are out now. She runs the Story Sensei critique service, is a staff worker for her church youth group, and leads one of the worship teams for Sunday service. On her blog, she gives away Christian novels and ponders frivolous things. Sign up for her newsletter YahooGroup for giveaways!