by Debby Giusti
Raise your hand if you’re a Southerner, eat grits or like Jeff Foxworthy. The rest of you folks don’t know what you’re missing.
Foxworthy made his name by poking fun at Rednecks.
Some of my favorite lines in his routine, include:
Raise your hand if you’re a Southerner, eat grits or like Jeff Foxworthy. The rest of you folks don’t know what you’re missing.
Foxworthy made his name by poking fun at Rednecks.
Some of my favorite lines in his routine, include:
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK IF...
You think a 'cursor' is someone who swears a lot.
You got stopped by a state trooper. He asked you if you had an I.D. And you said, 'Bout What?'
You think Possum is "The Other White Meat."
You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
You think a 'cursor' is someone who swears a lot.
You got stopped by a state trooper. He asked you if you had an I.D. And you said, 'Bout What?'
You think Possum is "The Other White Meat."
You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
Want more? Check out www.fortogden.com/foredneck.html or Jeff Foxworthy Jokes (www.eszlinger.com/jokes/foxworthyjokes.html).
But wait, read my blog first. That’s an order from the General!
(Seekerville Weekend Edition, July 16)
(Seekerville Weekend Edition, July 16)
Today, we’re going to add a little levity to Seekerville
so dust off your creativity and get ready to have fun.
REDNECK BAIT?
A tube of crickets you received as a wedding gift.
(Crickets come in tubes? Who knew?)
SEEKERVILLE BAIT ?
A $10 gift card to Starbucks, plus a copy of one of my books—title of your choosing.
Post your own original “You know you’re a writer if…” one-liner and add your email to be included in the drawing.
READY?
SET?
HERE WE GO!
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A WRITER IF...
Your list of New Year’s Resolutions not only includes your goals but also your motivation and conflict.
You never read a dictionary you didn’t like.
You dream about your WIP and wake to write down a phrase that keeps running through your head.
“Doing lunch” means editing your work while you gobble down a sandwich.
You’d rather spend time in Seekerville than with your non-writer BFF.
You read the first lines of every new book in the bookstore and made note of any agents or editors mentioned in the acknowledgements.
You turn every real life situation into a “What if!”
You never leave home without a pen and paper tucked in your pocket, purse or man bag.You’d rather sit at your computer than ________ (fill in the activity of your choice).
You can figure out who the villain is by the third chapter of any book you read.
(Not Seeker books, of course.).
Your Christmas Wish List includes the latest How-To Writing book.
You break down every movie you see into 3 Acts and Turning Points.
Your kids know eating pizza 5 nights in a row means mom’s on deadline.
Your kids get tired of pizza after ordering delivery 5 nights in a row.
You jot down snippets of conversations you overhear at Starbucks.
You openly talk in public about how you killed hubby.
You take notes when police chase scenes run on the nightly news.
You spell sassy SASE.
You check caller ID for a New York area code every time the phone rings.
You break down in tears when the kids bring in the mail and say you’ve got a big envelope from the editor who’s had your manuscript for over a year.
You ask your pharmacist the easiest way to poison someone.
(Not the editor, of course.)
Your Christmas Wish List includes the latest How-To Writing book.
You break down every movie you see into 3 Acts and Turning Points.
Your kids know eating pizza 5 nights in a row means mom’s on deadline.
Your kids get tired of pizza after ordering delivery 5 nights in a row.
You jot down snippets of conversations you overhear at Starbucks.
You openly talk in public about how you killed hubby.
You take notes when police chase scenes run on the nightly news.
You spell sassy SASE.
You check caller ID for a New York area code every time the phone rings.
You break down in tears when the kids bring in the mail and say you’ve got a big envelope from the editor who’s had your manuscript for over a year.
You ask your pharmacist the easiest way to poison someone.
(Not the editor, of course.)
The history listing on your laptop includes “How to Make a Bomb” and “Meth for Beginners.”
You’ve never met a cop you didn’t want to interview.
At writing conferences, you realize the women (age 23-27) wearing black and hiding their name tags are all New York editors.
The first section you look at in the Sunday newspaper is the bestsellers’ list.
Rejection means more than a boyfriend dumped you.
“Your baby” refers to 400 pages of Courier New.
Your family vacations each summer in the locale you’ve selected for your next book.
You know query means more than a question.
Along with the dust bunnies under the bed, you’ve also shoved five completed manuscripts rejected by a wide-range of editors, who you call names I won't mention.
You know you can’t judge a book by its cover.
Your flying body parts are never bloody.
You go to work in a T-shirt and sweat pants.
You know voice has nothing to do with singing.
You end everything with a HEA.
Okay, now it's your turn.
Post your favorite line.
Include your email to be in the drawing.
I brought a wide assortment of dishes made with grits--cheese grits, shrimp and grits, quick grits and plain ole hominy grits--plus fresh fruit, ham and egg casserole, hash browns and hot biscuits.
First one up, plugs in the coffee.
Tea and colas are also available.
Enjoy!
If you're going to the RWA National Convention,
be sure to stop by my table at the Literacy Autographing.
I'll be giving away
The Writer's Prayer
and the new--just off the press--
Prayer for Our Military.
Wishing you abundant blessings,
Debby
Visit me online at debby@debbygiusti.com
Join my Cross My Heart Prayer Team and blog with me at http://www.crossmyheartprayerteam.blogspot.com/
THE OFFICER'S SECRET
Military Investigations Series Book One
Steeple Hill Love Inspired Suspense
May 2011
You read about a Hollywood Gossip Columnist named "Hedda Hopper" and wonder if she has a cousin named "Pointa View."
ReplyDeleteBrendaAtTheRanch @ yahoo.com
You know you're a writer when the voices in your head carry on a conversation without you.
ReplyDeletereneelynnscott at gmail dot com
You know you're a writer if you called the ending to The Sixth Sense.
ReplyDeleteYou know you're a writer if you understand that in the movie Twister, Jamie Gertz, the clueless girlfriend of Bill Paxton is, in fact, the character who is most fundemental to audience enjoyment.
ReplyDelete...you see a listing on Facebook saying "You Know You're a Writer If..." and rush off to see what it says, hoping to learn something new you can incorporate into a future story. ;)
ReplyDelete...every time you play a game on Facebook, you feel guilty that you aren't working on your ms.
...you have a bumper sticker on your car that says "I'd rather be writing."
...you have a tough time NOT figuring out who did it in every whodunnit.
...you'd rather read than watch TV, unless you secretly write for TV.
...you read nonfiction books, not to learn something new for yourself, but for a character in your wip.
...you know a wip is not a whip with the h left out.
...you forget to take writing materials with you and end up taking notes with eyeliner on anything handy, including the backs of envelopes or your grocery list.
There are more, but, hey, other people have imaginations, too! :D
guitarista at iwon dot com
Thanks for this, Debbi. It's more fun than tubing down a river!
You know you're a writer if you still fret because you want to re-write the ending to Gone With the Wind.
ReplyDeleteAh, no, that one might not be right. Everybody wants to rewrite the ending to Gone with the Wind. Forget it.
ReplyDeletePS Love the other comments! My post might have been first, but the first browser I tried didn't show me the word verification picture, so I had to switch to my other browser. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a fun post!!! I had to really laugh at this one:
ReplyDelete"Your family vacations each summer in the locale you’ve selected for your next book."
My family might be able to relate a bit to that one... ;)
OK, well I guess I could give it a try:
"You know you're a writer if..."
--You're the only one taking notes in a museum. Everyone else is actually just enjoying the exhibit.
--Your idea of free time is sitting in front of the computer for hours.
--You check your e-mail a gazillion times a day, hoping to hear the results of the writing contest you entered. (Yes, I confess that this has been me lately!)
So, maybe they're not really that funny...but I tried! And here's another one in honor of Ruthie:
"You know you're in Seekerville if..."
--A fellow blogger is trying to set you up with her son and people are asking you to turn on the coffee machine at 12:00 AM (EST).
Had to throw that in there! ;)
Thanks for the great giveaway!
~Amber
stokes[dot]a[at]suddenlink[dot]net
P.S. Coffee's on and I have some more fudge and a gingerbread house! Anybody want to help me decorate? (Yes, it's "Christmas in July" all week on my blog!) :)
Not to mention rewriting the ending to "Romeo & Juliet," Mary! :D
ReplyDeleteYou know you're a writer if, while in a fascinating museum, you're taking more pictures of the signs on the wall, than the artifacts.
ReplyDeleteRomeo and Juliet, they both needed a good spanking, those brats.
ReplyDeleteI've got one for 'you might be a redneck'
ReplyDeleteYou might be a redneck if your husband still throws his beer can in the same corner of the kitchen, even though you moved the trash can six months ago.
You know you're a writer if...
ReplyDelete1. Your idea of speed dating includes editors and agents.
2. Your husband says, "Going to bed, see you tomorrow." You say, "I'm coming in a few minutes." And he rolls his eyes and says, "yeah, tomorrow."
3. Your book cases are arranged by the Dewy Decimal System.
4. You don't get mad, you get fascinated by the motivation of why someone would act that way. Then you write it into your antagonist.
5. Seat of the pants isn't describing a quick escape.
6. AND every conversation ends with..."Oh, that would make a good book!" (Added by my hubby who rolls his eyes every night.)
Angie
angie dot breidenbach at gmail dot com
You might be a writer if...
ReplyDelete...you've worn the letters off the keys to your laptop.
...you keep calling your husband by your Hero's name.
...you own stock in Amazon or Barnes & Noble (all in the name of research).
I LIKE THIS GAME! Great redneck quips. buwahahaha
You might be a writer if... your career began when you realized there's nothing wrong with an adult having imaginary friends. :)
ReplyDeletewriter_weaver at yahoo dot com
You might be a writer if...
ReplyDelete...that Valentine's sentiment for the card you made for your hubby somehow goes from an one liner to a multi-page short romance before you know it.
(yep, really happened AND said hubby really appreciated it. What a guy.)
jhsteele(at)bellsouth(dot)net
Oh, this is fun...
ReplyDeleteYou know you're a redneck when the possum on the porch eats more cat food than the cat.
You know you're a redneck when you fill the cat bowl on the porch for months after the cat turned up dead just so the possum wouldn't starve.
You know you're a writer when you make notes on the edge of the church bulletin because the reading tweaks your WIP.
You know you're a writer when you must precipitate any new conversation with: I'm an author and anything you say can and will be used in a book of my choosing, so help me God.
Oh, Deb, this is just wonderful. So fun. The weird things we do, that tweak our minds.
I wonder how close we are to being certifiable? If there were a scale, would we be courting an '8'?
Hmmm, loving the food, and you're right, I love cheesy grits. Who knew?
And Jeff Foxworthy and I'm a Yank.
S-W-E-E-T stuff, chica!
Morning all you night owls and early birds.
ReplyDeleteThanks for plugging in the coffee, Amber. I just grabbed a cup, which I need this morning. Okay, I need coffee every morning.
I'm laughing so hard I almost spilled my coffee!!!
ReplyDeleteSeekerville is SO CREATIVE!!!
Choosing a winner will be tough--all of your one-liners are great!
Mary, did you really know what the Sixth Sense was about before the movie ended? Someone told you, right?
Love Pointa View, BK! I believe I met her at ACFW last year...really!
Renee, better not tell the normal folks--the non-writers--about the voices in your head.
ReplyDeleteDoubt they would understand.
But writers do!!! Oh, yes, we do!
Hope wrote, "...you have a tough time NOT figuring out who did it in every whodunnit."
ReplyDeleteI had a similar line, but yours is so much better.
You get extra points, Hope! One upping the host is so Jeff Foxworthy!
Hope, I've had the same problem. I often don't get the verification code initially. If I enter my email and password and click Preview, the verification comes up. See if that works for you.
ReplyDeleteAmber...I'll talk to Ruthy about the matchmaking! You know New York moms are in a class by themselves. We try to control her here in Seekerville, but...well, it's hard.
ReplyDeleteI have a question, Mary.
ReplyDeleteWhy did you take more pictures of the signs in the museum than you did of the artifacts?
Did you need information for your WIP, such as how to spell RESTROOM or EXIT or THIS WAY OUT?
You may qualify for a Jeff Foxworthy Redneck Award, Mary. I'm just saying...
Angie, thanks for reminding us of the Dewy Decimal System.
ReplyDeleteWhich would make a good Redneck name...Dewy Decimal.
I think he's the guy in Mary's kitchen throwing beer cans.
Sherrinda, love your line:
ReplyDelete...you keep calling your husband by your Hero's name.
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anna, see Renee about your imaginary friends.
ReplyDeleteRenee's line was the second up on my screen. She has a talking head.
Everyone who hears voices raise your hand!
Now I know why Mary could figure out the ending to Sixth Sense!
Julie Hilton Steele...
ReplyDeleteAh, a romance story in the making. Quick, don't let Ruthy know.
One of these days, we need to blog about how we met hubby...or wifey...or our loveable pouch...or our adorable kitty.
Fen dibs on the idea!
BTW, I just googled Fed dibs and it's Yiddish. Who knew?
You check Seekerville on the way to the bathroom, even if it is 2 am.
ReplyDeleteThe words THE CALL bring you to your knees every single time no matter that you don't know the person.
You'd rather spend your last dollars on computer paper than a mocha grande.
Ruthy wrote:
ReplyDelete"You know you're a writer when you must precipitate any new conversation with: I'm an author and anything you say can and will be used in a book of my choosing, so help me God."
We need to include a disclaimer on the blog...anything you write could be used in one of Ruthy's stories.
YOU LIKE GRITS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I knew you had Southern blood in that Yankee heart!
Precipitate, Ruthy? Are we doing chemistry experiments in Seekerville?
You're definitely in the running for Redneck Honorable Mention.
Tina wrote:
ReplyDelete"You check Seekerville on the way to the bathroom, even if it is 2 am."
Honey, no wonder you go to the bathroom at 2 AM with all that coffee you drink in Seekerville!
I do love the pic though...in fact, I see your eyes staring at me whenever I do something that I shouldn't, like raid the fridge or watch GLADES. (Is the star of that show not the cutest guy you've ever seen?)
In case you ask, I shouldn't watch GLADES because I've got a book due on August 18th, which needs to be mailed by August 16th, so I should be working instead of watching new TV shows.
While there's a pause, I'm grabbing another cup of coffee.
ReplyDeleteAnd some grits!
You know you’re a writer when…
ReplyDelete…you start packing for your vacation and realize you’re packing things your heroine needs for her trip
…you ask your best friend’s husband to teach you to shoot a rifle for research and then freak him out when you ask at what distance you could take a person out
…you start a message to the U.S. Marshals with “If someone just killed a Federal Judge..."
kanavyhist[at]aol[dot]com
You know you're a writer if...when your non-writer friends introduce to you someone they feel the need to make the disclaimer, watch what you say it might end up in her/his book.
ReplyDeleteAh, Kirsten, what a great suspense writer you are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteLoved your line:
…you start a message to the U.S. Marshals with “If someone just killed a Federal Judge..."
So...do tell! Is that your WIP? I want more info about the story. Ruthy won't write it, don't worry. She only likes love stories! :)
GREAT, Rose!
ReplyDeleteYour friends must know Ruthy!
This is so much fun!!!
ReplyDeleteHow about:
You know you're a writer when you spend more time selecting the perfect name for your characters than you do selecting the perfect name for your own children.
And for a reader:
You know you're an insatiable reader when the bus driver stops in front of your work place, gets out of his seat, walks over to you and takes the book out of your hand while telling you it's time to go to work...and then kicks you off his bus.
KAV, I can see this:
ReplyDeleteYou know you're an insatiable reader when the bus driver stops in front of your work place, gets out of his seat, walks over to you and takes the book out of your hand while telling you it's time to go to work...and then kicks you off his bus.
Loved the line about naming the characters versus naming the kids.
Names writers give their kids:
How 'bout Dewy Decimal?
Pointa View?
Merriam Webster?
Roget Thesaurus? Did you know he's French?
What a fun, fun post, Debby!
ReplyDeleteLet's see, you know you're a writer if you stand in front of the mirror and act out your character's mannerisms and gestures.
If the *keeper* section of your bookcase rivals the public library.
If you burn through computers drives faster than tires treads on your car.
If you squeal when your Christmas stocking is overflowing with office supplies and gadgets.
Great fun, Deb!!
Mary sez:
ReplyDeleteYou might be a redneck if your husband still throws his beer can in the same corner of the kitchen, even though you moved the trash can six months ago.
Ha! Oh, I can so relate!!
Hi Debby,
ReplyDeleteThanks for such a fun post today!
Yes, the assassinated Federal Judge is from one of my m/s (I'm currently working on editing the first draft). It's about a U.S. Marshal who is a former Marine Scout/Sniper (the sniper aspect plays a huge role in the story). The Judge (a former Marine JAG), his son and DIL are murdered and the Marshal is tasked with protecting the judge's grandchildren and the Marine Corps Oral Historian who was interviewing the Judge (and holds the key to who contracted the murders, but doesn't know it). The research for this was actually fun. I did a bit of research out at Quantico Marine Corps Base and with former Marine Snipers. My dad says I scare him, because I now know a hundred ways to take someone out at 1000 yards. :o)
Thanks for asking about it! I'm not worried about you guys stealing my story! You all have such great ideas you don't need any of mine. :o) But if I happen to see a familiar looking love inspired by Ruth...Just kidding!
Great post Debby, And already so many responses. Shows we can all relate.
ReplyDeleteAudra, the Christmas stocking cracked me up.
You know you're a writer when hubby asks why you're in bed when you wanted time to work and you insist you're working.
You know you're a writer when the person on the airplane next to you keeps interrupting your critiquing, but turns out to be your next hero/heroine because he/she is so interesting.
Oh Debby, Forgot to thank you for the yummy Southern food. LOve the grits and ham.
ReplyDeleteYou know you're a writer when you go to work in your pjs.
ReplyDeleteYou know you're a writer when you refer to men and women as heros and heroines.
Great blog, Deb!
Oh, Deb, this is HOOT today ... I've laughed, chuckled and spewed all over my keyboard more times than I can count!
ReplyDeleteOkay, you know you're a writer if ...
-- you plot three scenes ahead at a funeral mass with a smile on your face ... (true story, elderly distant relation)
-- you always contort and make faces in the mirror ... at your desk
And I love, love LOVE:
BK: You read about a Hollywood Gossip Columnist named "Hedda Hopper" and wonder if she has a cousin named "Pointa View."
ANGIE: Your husband says, "Going to bed, see you tomorrow." You say, "I'm coming in a few minutes." And he rolls his eyes and says, "yeah, tomorrow."
SHERRINDA ...you keep calling your husband by your Hero's name.
Thanks for the laughs, Deb, and a great post!
Hugs,
Julie
I must be late! There are already 45 comments! LOL! Debby, everybody wants to get in on this one! Okay, here's mine:
ReplyDeleteYou know you're a writer when you go to your town's oldest cemetery with pen and paper and write down all the interesting names for your next book.
Yes, I did this for my Southern historical. Of course, doing that also means you might be a redneck! But just listen to some of the great names I got! Women's names: Olean, Sadie, Eskine Rozelle, Verdie, Tennie, Elvalena, but I better stop. I don't want anybody to steal these. :-)
You know you're a writer when you get excited about weird names.
Oh my gosh. I am LOVING this.
ReplyDeleteOK, you know you're a writer if you use manuscripts to mark the passage of time. As in, "We moved to our house in the summer of book XYZ." Or, "My daughter lost her first tooth during book ABC."
Good mid-morning ladies!
ReplyDeleteYou know you're a writer when more than half of your vacation pictures are for a future ms that hit you while relaxing with the family. (just did it, over 500 pics taken!)
Mary,
you took mine! "You know you're a writer if, while in a fascinating museum, you're taking more pictures of the signs on the wall, than the artifacts."
Next time we go to a museum together Mary, we'll have to compete and see who takes the most pictures of the signs. LOL.
Dawn
Thanks General - this is marvelous.
ReplyDeleteAnd I've been LOL at so many of yours and the gang's today. What a blast. (Ooohhh Kirstennnnn...)
I totally knew what Mary was talking about (scary huh) when she mentioned photos of signs. I came home from Paris/Brussels/Luxembourg with over 400 photos - many of signs and settings.
You might know you're a writer when the folks you're visiting on holiday start pointing out photo opportunities to help with your next book.
(They did, they did! I have close to 100 "dog" photos in Paris because of this. Undercover you know...)
may at maythek9spy dot com
You might know you're a redneck when you see a Walmartian and don't think a thing of it.
Y'all enjoy your day!
Dawn, Mary and I are *ahem* on the same page today. Good company!!!
ReplyDeleteHalf way through the Sixth Sense I had to fight the urge to lean over to my husband and say, "I think Bruce Willis might be dead."
ReplyDeleteI only restrained myself through sheer HONOR.
Oooh,
ReplyDeleteJust thought of another one.
You know you're a writer when you have more FB friends who are writers than are actual friends or family.
Hedda Hopper and Pointa View is hilarious BK.
ReplyDeleteIf you'd drive two hours one way to spend 1.5 hrs to be in the same room as other writers.
ReplyDeleteJust did this last night. What a great time! Dianna, Edwina--you two are awesome.
Who am I kidding? All you ladies are!
aprilmarieg@gmail.com
I take pictures of the signs because they're FASCINATING INFO I need to know. Just SEEING a picture of Merriweather Lewis isn't much good. I want the WORDS. I want the DATES.
ReplyDeleteContext. Context. Context.
MELANIE!!!
ReplyDeleteI am sooooooooo doing that. going to the cemetery for names.
Such a great idea. And all the dates are right there for historical writers.
You might be a redneck if you go to a wedding and don't know which side to sit on. Both sides are family. LOL.
ReplyDeleteSherrinda, honey, as long as you don't call your husband by your villains name.
ReplyDeleteThat could get awkward.
You might be a writer if you're halfway done with Myra Johnson's latest book called When the Dogwoods Bloom and you're now running a tally card to keep track of the names.
ReplyDeleteRusso, Wyatt, Ivan, Ruth...there were more. I love it.
You know you're a writer if you write a book with a hero named ELI WALKER and halfway through the book you decide all the hired men on his ranch wouldn't call him ELI they'd call him WALKER and you do a find and replace on ELI, subbing in WALKER, then you have to go through the whole book when you realize every instance in the ENTIRE BOOK where the letters
ReplyDeleteE L I are together are now WALKER
Believe?
Now reads
BWalkereve
That was an unhappy experience.
Maryyyy - OH NO!!!
ReplyDeleteOne work around on that is to actually enter a space on each side of Eli.
Someone taught me that with "."
I had double spaced and they wanted it single spaced after the "."
They said when you enter what you're looking for in MS Word for find/replace - put in EXACTLY what you are. So - for me it was ". [space][space]" and replace with ".[space]"
Worked like a champ... Until I realized that, like here, I use a lot of ... and ! and ? so I needed to search for those too and replace. But boy did it work! Try it!! :)
Also on names - around Fredricksburg, TX - there are old cemetaries that have hand painted cameos on them. So PICTURES and names/dates... Wonderful!
Just this weekend a friend's brother passed away at 81. His name was Lilbern Glen ___... Some wonderful names...
Ok - need to tear myself away. BYE!
arg - cemetery cemetery
ReplyDeleteI know this...
Mary, it would have crossed my mind to call my hubby by my villain's name (not often, mind you), but as both my villains are women, well, it doesn't work so good. ha!
ReplyDeleteYou know you're a writer when you spend twenty minutes revising how you know you're a writer.
ReplyDeleteGoodness, I guess I could visit cemeteries for names, but my husbands family (not my hero, mind you) has the oddest names ever. Odilla Verlen, Ruby Nell, Aunt Monkey (yep), Jada, Cena, Canyon, Wyoming, Caspian... Just to name a few.
ReplyDeleteDebby!!!! You posted a winner this morning!!! What fun!!!
ReplyDeleteYes, Mary, I also have tons of photos of explanatory signs from our trips. Stuff I will probably NEVER EVER use in a book, but . . . you just never know. And thanks to computers, I can magnify the photos enough to make the signs readable.
Too lazy to go back through to remember who it was, but a previous commenter already gave my most common "you might be a writer if" line. Someone will start telling an interesting true story, and another person will say, "Be careful, or that'll end up in one of Myra's books!"
Let's see . . . You might be a writer if . . . you own five different thesauruses (thesauri?), six baby name books, and you love looking up arcane info in the Chicago Manual of Style.
You know you're a writer when no one ever asks you anymore what you thought of movie/book/tvshow.
ReplyDeleteYou know you're a writer when you look forward to Sunday morning sermons becuase you know you'll have a good 30 minutes of uninterruped time thinking about how to turn last night's dream into a book.
You know you're a writer when during the boring times of life you think, "gee, what I'd give for an explosion, natural disaster, or death." Only with the latter you add the caveat: no harming children or animals.
You know you're a redneck when your stock portfolio includes three sheep and a goat.
You know you're a redneck when you've had a corndog for breakfast.
You know you're a redneck when in one day you've inflated a tire, a pool, and the girl you're taking to the family reunion.
You know you're a redneck when you go camping and your standard of living improved.
Audra, honey, you are so me!
ReplyDeleteYou wrote:
If you squeal when your Christmas stocking is overflowing with office supplies and gadgets.
Amen!
Debby- be still my Southern heart! A Southern breakfast made in heaven makes me sorry I missed the early hours, but brunch sounds heavenly.
ReplyDeleteYou know you're a writer when...
You cut back on buying groceries to fund a a writing conference trip.
Buying printer paper and ink become more important than shoe shopping.
You can't go into a bookstore without buying something to aide your craft.
You spend more time promoting yourself on Twitter, Facebook, Blogspot, and the World Wide Web than you spend revising.
How'd I do? Maybe I should try to think of some better ones...
diannashuford(at)gmail(dot)com
Fun post, Debby!! Love all the comments too! Grits, not so much, but I'll give them a try.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I'll play.
You know you're a writer when you could wallpaper your entire house with rejection letters.
You know you're a writer when you could wallpaper your kitchen with leftover bookmarks.
You know you're a writer when the conversation your characters are having in your head is more entertaining than the one you're actually in.
You know you're a writer when all your grandkids masterpieces are colored on the backs of manuscript pages.
Janet
Mary- next time find and relace with a highlighted ELI then when you go back through you can easily spot them all to change and unhighlight those that don't.
ReplyDelete**shrug** That's what works for me.
Kirsten,
ReplyDeleteYou are now my official how-to-take-someone-out-at-1000-yards resource. We need to talk!
You story sounds fantastic!!!
You must live in Northern VA? I graduated from Mount Vernon High...just a few years ago, of course. Were we neighbors?
You know you're a writer when you expect the conversation at your table to stop while you ease drop on the more interesting conversation behind you.
ReplyDeleteSandra, another lover of GRITS!!! Whoo-hoo! Southern Seekers Rock!
ReplyDeleteWell, all Seekers Rock!
As well as all Seeker friends!
What fun!!
ReplyDeleteYou know you are a writer, and have writer children, if you receive a text message that asks the question: "Would there be a way to tell how long between a person's death and their body being dumped in an alley?
You know you're a writer if the most memorable thing that happened during your family vacation to Washington, D.C. was a motorcade exiting the White House driveway, complete with sniper rifle sticking out the back glass of the SUV....
Oh! and you know you're a writer if you're watching a John Grisham novel made into a movie, and the whole time you're telling your husband, "he CAN'T be the bad guy! He's the main character, and this is a GRISHAM novel!"
Regina
trmerrick@bellsouth.net
Ditto on the rejection letters & bookmarks, Janet!
ReplyDeleteHi Cara! Waving to you on your Web cam...
ReplyDeleteShhhhh...don't tell Cara but we can see her sitting at her computer.
She wrote:
You know you're a writer when you go to work in your pjs.
Okay, everyone in Seekerville, focus on Cara. She's on deadline. Notice her cute jammies and fuzzy pink slippers. So precious!
Mary said You know you're a writer if, while in a fascinating museum, you're taking more pictures of the signs on the wall, than the artifacts.
ReplyDeleteAnd I thought I was the only one who did this.
Too bad Julie doesn't have a Web cam. I'd love to see her spewing coffee over her keyboard...can someone turn that into a Redneck joke?
ReplyDeleteAlso like her line:
"-- you always contort and make faces in the mirror ... at your desk"
Hmmm? Hate to tell you, Julie, but I never make faces in the mirror. In fact, I don't have a mirror at my desk.
Anyone else?
No?
Okay, Jules, proves you're unique in a number of ways.
You know you're a writer if you get gifts like index cards and post it notes for your birthday, and your excited about it.
ReplyDeleteJulie, I do make faces but not in the mirror.
ReplyDeleteMel,
ReplyDeleteLove the names!
You wrote:
"Olean, Sadie, Eskine Rozelle, Verdie, Tennie, Elvalena, but I better stop. I don't want anybody to steal these. :-)"
You're worried about Ruthy, aren't you?
Ruthy, don't take any of Mel's names. Not even for your grandchildren...or your dogs.
Olean?
Isn't that the oil product that's low fat and is found in certain chips? Warning label reads that it can wreck your digestive system.
Is that the same Olean? Or are they just kin?
Eskine Rozelle? No way! That's Dewy's brother. Same mom, different dads.
Maybe I've had too much coffee!
I've got another one:
ReplyDeleteYou know you're a writer when...
You get upset with your child for being sick and needing to go to the doctor on the day you took off to complete your Genesis revisions.
You calculate how many vacation days you can request from your day job to squeeze in more writing time.
Debby,
ReplyDeleteThanks so much!!! I appreciate the encouragement from someone who really knows how to weave together a suspense. I’m still a “take a can out at 50 yards,” kind of gal, but I sure enjoy learning from those who have the skills. They amaze me.
Anytime, I'd love to talk!
Actually I grew up in Wyoming. Just moved to Annapolis, MD four years ago for a job (not a lot of Naval history work out West), but I make the loooong commute to DC. I work closely with the Marine History Division’s oral history section that was my in at Quantico.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAnne--love it!
ReplyDeleteMilitary folks divide their lives by tours of duty...baby born at Fort Bliss...finished a degree at Knox, etc.
But dividing life by manuscripts is so writer-ish!
Started hearing voices, like Renee, during Manuscript #1...met Pointa View while working on Manuscript #2...became certifiable, as Ruthy noted, writing Manuscript #5.
Already used this but -
ReplyDeleteYou know you're a writer if you spend 7 hours on Google Earth looking for a good place along the Thames to dump a body - and you live in California.
You know exactly how much heroin it takes to OD, and haven't even touch MJ since college 20 years ago.
Your revenge isn't served cold - it's a cameo appearance in your latest WIP.
After the third rejection email after a round of queries, you start marking all the incoming and unread emails from agents as "spam", get drunk and sulk and then go read them anyway. Three hours later you're throwing up in the basement toilet while crying because you don't want your family to hear you and ask what's wrong because you know they won't understand.
Not that I ever done anything like that...
Okay, Dawn, Mary won't tell me, so you must.
ReplyDeleteWHY ARE YOU TAKING PICTURES OF THE SIGNS IN MUSEUMS???????????
I am clueless!!!
Please, someone let me in on the secret!
KC...
ReplyDeleteI still don't get the signs in museums.
I know you tried to clue me in and I appreciate your effort...but I'm still in the dark.
Is it just me?
Does anyone else get the sign thing?
Do I NEED more coffee?
I know, this is a joke, right? Gang up on Deb. Make her think everyone takes pictures of signs.
Okay, I'm grabbing my camera and heading to the nearest museum to photograph a sign or two.
If it's good enough for Mary and KC, it's good enough for me.
BUT, I still don't get it!!!!!!!
And KC, dear, what is a Walmartian?
Perhaps something you photographed?
Research, Debby, research. Photos take up less room than books, plus you have the artifact right there to look at.
ReplyDeleteApril wrote:
ReplyDelete"If you'd drive two hours one way to spend 1.5 hrs to be in the same room as other writers."
So true!
But I missed seeing you last night. Boo-hoo!!! I know it was a great meeting.
Isn't Lindi a wonderful pres!
You know you're a writer when...
ReplyDeleteYou set your laptop up on the desktop computer table so you can use both computers at the same time. (I'm actually doing this right now. Pathetic isn't it?)
You mix up which mouse goes to which computer because your using two computers at the same time.
YIKES!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteMy computer is slowing down.
You know you're a writer when your computer can't keep up with the words you're typing.
Taking photos of signs must be a historical writer thing. I have several from my trip to Abilene.
ReplyDeleteLunch break...
ReplyDeleteChick-Fil-A for everyone!!!
Let's chat while we eat!
FOR DEBBY
ReplyDeleteExample of picture of a sign
I could WRITE these things down, but who's got time for that?? :)
I'm the only one in my family who has an ongoing love affair with Chick-fil-a ..... Bless you. :D
ReplyDeleteYou know you're a writer if your husband has to look at family photos to remember what you look like with make-up on.
ReplyDeleteforgravebooks at gmail dot com
This was a great idea, Debby!
ReplyDeleteI identify with so many of them! I especially take more pictures for research than of my dear hubby when on vacation.
I also take notes while eavesdropping on the conversations of strangers in public. Kinda sick, isn't it...
You know you're a writer when you walk into an antique store and walk out two hours later with a book published in 1889, a new writing friend, and an introduction to a local publisher!
This happened last Friday.
Great coffee!
Hi Debby:
ReplyDeleteWow! First Tina does philosophy and then Debby does comedy! I feel like I’ve won the Daily Double!
BTW: Did you write all those writer gags? If you did, that’s prolific. You should consider writing Romantic Mystery Comedy and give Janet Evanovich a run for her money! (That would really be One for the Money!) Let’s see: Janet has numbers, Sue has letters, John D. has colors, Lillian has Cats who do things…how about ‘parts of speech’?
“Love is Not a Noun”
“When Adjectives Fail to Describe”
“Explicatives Deleted”
Here are a few variations on the theme to suggest new threads and stimulate more synapses.
How to tell if you are reading too many romances
When, on hearing a person has amnesia, you immediately look for the romantic possibilities .
When you spend most of your hour discussing the newest Blaze novel with your divorce lawyer.
When you reassure a new unwed mother that the father will soon be begging her to marry him…and then advise her to hold out for true love.
When, on your wedding night, you tell your new husband, “I’ll be right in after I finish this last chapter”.
When you ask the Commerce Dept. to include the price of romance novels in the CPI.
When hearing the word “Montana” acts as an aphrodisiac.
When you translate gas prices into Harlequins- per-gallon.
When after reading that another couple has gone over the edge at Lover’s Leap, you’re actually happy for them.
When you think the Mystery Bus tour that takes tourists where they never been before should be X rated.
When you think you can turn your fresh strawberries into jelly by having the hunk next door kiss them.
When you think a three alarm blaze is a great romance.
When asked to give the Dedication in a church service you thank the members of your RWA chapter for their encouragement and support.
When you have a real life “back moment” after being told your favorite author says she is no longer going to write historical romances.
You Might NOT Be A Romance Author….
If you think the RWA was a Depression Era make-work program.
If you think the baby left on the doorstep is actually going to DHS.
If you would gladly allow a host to pick a passage from your new Desire novel to read on live TV.
On the other hand, you might be a writer…
IF you introduce your grumpy husband as your "critique partner".
IF you talk to a teacher about editing your child’s behavior.
If the blog you’re reading about “you know you’re a writer if” gets over 100 responses before noon!
Thanks for the fun! : )
Vince
THANK YOU, MARY, FOR A LITTLE EXPLANATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteNOW I UNDERSTAND!
YOU'RE TAKING PICS OF THE INFORMATION RELATING TO THE DISPLAY/ARTIFACT/WHATEVER!
OKAY.....
See, I thought you were taking pictures of the "Signs" like NO FLASH PHOTOGRAPHS ALLOWED, LINE FORMS TO THE RIGHT, WATCH YOUR STEP.
You can see why I was wondering about you.
And I cruised ahead and saw the photo you loaded on your website! Thank you. I get it. Really. I'm not dense, but I was confused. And rightfully so. :)
I was ready to give you the I'M A REDNECK FOR SURE AWARD, but I may reconsider.
Mary saves the day! (again)
ReplyDeleteDebby - I take photos of any/every thing that might be useful in a story. Not only the kinds of museum signs Mary does (many, many examples in my Adobe folder) but hallways and staircases in museums. PEOPLE in museums... Also streets and bldgs, etc.
I figure I might need them some day.
AH! A Walmartian... Just heard that term myself last week. Have you seen the emails with the not entirely flattering photos of people at WalMart? Those are Walmartians...
Yep Debby, you hit on a good one today for sure! I think Vince wins though - When you think you can turn your fresh strawberries into jelly by having the hunk next door kiss them.
Okay, I'm feeling better about you, Mary, now that you're admitting making the same mistake I did...
ReplyDeleteChanged character's name. I think it was SAM. Did a FIND and REPLACE with the new name...something quite lengthy. Had all sorts of new words througout my manuscript.
AUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Great minds must think alike...see I've already forgotten the stupid sign thing.
KC,
ReplyDeleteHead out to that cemetery and take some pics of the tombstones with the cameos. They sound amazing. Post the pics on Mary's Web site and then let us know when we can access the photos.
Thanks!
GINA!!!!
ReplyDeleteThis one is priceless!!!
Gina wrote:
"You know you're a writer when you spend twenty minutes revising how you know you're a writer."
I did a Julie and spewed Diet Coke on that line!
Mary,
ReplyDeleteTaking pictures of the signs is a brilliant idea! Maybe I should try that sometime instead of taking notes and writing down what's on the signs... ;)
And Vince!
Your "How to tell if you are reading too many romances" lines are really funny! I'd like to give it a try:
You might be reading too many romances if...
--You're hoping for some random, cute man to actually come and profess his love for you.
--You don't date because you're too busy reading/daydreaming about romance.
--You're shocked to discover that marriage consists of more than a wedding.
Thanks for all the smiles today, Seekerville!
~Amber
http://thebrinydepths.com/?p=2017
ReplyDeleteor use http://ixquick.com/do/metasearch.pl and type in Walmartian
(no coffee/tea spewing please)
Debby
ReplyDeleteoh wow - we live in TN now - those cemeteries are near Fredricksburg, TX - my folks had a deer lease near Doss. Mom and I don't hunt (I would if I was really hungry but otherwise... not so much.) so we would go knocking around. We found several of them.
Anyone out that way? We're over 1000 miles from there now so you'd be waiting quite awhile!
Amber - always good to be ready. You just never know!
KC- too funny WalMartians. Now I'll never get those images out of my head!
ReplyDeleteSherrinda...
ReplyDeleteYou may not be a Redneck, but I'm sure your hubby is...or at least his family is with the names you mentioned.
"Odilla Verlen, Ruby Nell, Aunt Monkey (yep), Jada, Cena, Canyon, Wyoming, Caspian... Just to name a few."
Aunt Monkey?
How old is Aunt Monkey?
Tell her to tune in and turn on her Web Cam. Or maybe we can Skype.
Not that I don't believe you, Sherrinda, but do you realize you just told family secrets on the Internet, which will circulate for millions and millions of years?
Centuries from now, folks will still be talking about Aunt Monkey.
Of course, Ruthy, will have published a whole series on Aunt Monkey by then. Mary will have killed her with a Plague (coming soon to your favorite bookstore), Julie will have set her up with a hunk of a hero, Cheryl will have her rappelling out of a chopper, Camy will serve her sushi, Janet will have her as a cover model, Cara will give her a dime, Tina will stare at her over coffee, Myra will interview her for her blog, Sandra will talk to her on her next flight around the Southwest, Glynna will give her a tour of Flagstaff, Audra will send her a kiss-SWAK, Missy will offer her sweet tea, Pam will give her a job to do at ACFW and I'll....hmmmmm? Well, I'll feed her grits.
Hi Myra,
ReplyDeleteI'm going to my to my Chicago Manual of Style looking for the arcane info of which you wrote...
You know you're a writer if you HAVE a Chicago Manual of Style.
There are famous lurkers today on here. One just wrote me and said, "Funny! You know you're a writer when your kids get sick of being compared to characters in your books. :-) "
ReplyDelete(You know who you are...)
I have SO much to get done and this is SO much more fun today. I appreciate y'all more than you know. (I'm part of the GRITS brigade too - Girls Raised In The South)
Gina, I was a little worried about you with your writer line #3....
ReplyDeleteBut you redeemed yourself with the last two Redneck jokes:
"You know you're a redneck when in one day you've inflated a tire, a pool, and the girl you're taking to the family reunion."
"You know you're a redneck when you go camping and your standard of living improved."
Both get Redneck Honorable Mention.
Debbie, I was spewing my Diet DP over your comment about Aunt Monkey. Alas, Aunt Monkey passed away a few years ago, but hearing stories from way back when, I'm thinking she would have LOVED the grits. (Shoot, my hubby knows how to cook them to where I even like them!)
ReplyDeleteScary...is my neck turning red yet?
Dianna,
ReplyDeleteYou have done your Southern roots proud, girlfriend. All excellent!
You wrote:
"You spend more time promoting yourself on Twitter, Facebook, Blogspot, and the World Wide Web than you spend revising."
This one struck home. I'm supposed to be revising my manuscript today.
It's much more fun to play in Seekerville!
Keep the creativity coming, everyone!!!
Janet, love your lines...
ReplyDeleteNow I know what to do with the pages of all my drafts!
Rejection letters and bookmarks!!! Very good!
117???
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh:
FOOD!!!!
Be right back...
Regina,
ReplyDeleteDid your children text you about the length of time between death and dumping?
How old are they?
If you say preschool, there's a problem.
Can we talk about the White House motorcade with the sniper?
You know you're a suspense writer if you've never seen a sniper you didn't want to meet.
Deb said:
ReplyDeleteSo...do tell! Is that your WIP? I want more info about the story. Ruthy won't write it, don't worry. She only likes love stories! :)
Ruthy grinned and keeps to herself the cache of stories on her hard drive including a serial killer, a chain of Philadelphia cop stories AND a refugee held hostage by Russian commandos....
Yup, just tell us, honey, all about that WIP, LOL!!! Ruthy won't nip a bit of it!
(tee hee...)
You know you're a writer if you don't NEED to steal other people's stories because if God gives you three full decades you'll NEVER write all the ones between your head and your story file...
ReplyDeletePlus the new one that cropped up out of the blue today to fit into the Allegany County series...
Kirsten,
ReplyDeleteYou work with the Marine History Division’s oral history section!
You're a source of lots of info!!!
Bet Mary will be contacting you.
Going to any conferences soon? Seekers and Seeker friends always meet in the evenings. RWA? ACFW?
We want to see everyone who's going to RWA...check in with the Seekers at the Literacy Autographing to learn where we'll be gathering.
Fawn Neun,
ReplyDeleteYou wrote:
"You know you're a writer if you spend 7 hours on Google Earth looking for a good place along the Thames to dump a body - and you live in California."
Did you find the right spot, Fawn? Seven hours???? Oh my gosh!!!
Google Earth is amazing. Let's Google Mary...or Ruthy...maybe Cara in her jammies.
Aunt Monkey....
ReplyDeleteStolen. Consider her gone, Cupcake. That one's too good NOT to use...
And Deb, Chic-Fil-A reminds me of Denver!!! I'm so happy right now, this is SO YUMMMMMMMY...
Oh my gosh, tell me why Gina isn't published if she's this funny.
Does she write serious stuff??? Because I'm laughing myself silly here and joggling my mid-day caffeine so avoid ruining my keyboard!!!
Oh my stars.....
This is too great.
Dianna,
ReplyDeleteYou wrote:
"You mix up which mouse goes to which computer because you're using two computers at the same time."
Your Southern roots are getting a little worried about you, Dianna.
But chin up.
You may qualify for Redneck Honorable Mention.
Regina,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the blessing. I need it. Especially today. I should be working, but who wants to leave Seekerville?
Sarah...
ReplyDeleteYour comment:
"You know you're a writer if your husband has to look at family photos to remember what you look like with make-up on."
Proves you ARE a writer, Sarah! You go, girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kathy wrote:
ReplyDelete"You know you're a writer when you walk into an antique store and walk out two hours later with a book published in 1889, a new writing friend, and an introduction to a local publisher!"
That was your lucky day!!!
Whoo-hoo!!!
You know you're a writer if the Base Commander tells everyone they can't leave the base because the US Marshals have a suspect cornered in a parking lot outside the gate and you try to edge as close as possible until security yells at you.
ReplyDeleteRuth, Have mercy on a poor struggling writer. :o)
Debby,
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, I won't be able to attend either RWA or the ACFW conferences this year. I got involved too late with the organizations and already spent my funds and leave time. Next year for sure! I hate missing the opportunity to see all you Seekers and Seeker friends!
This is what I put on Rachelle Gardner's blog.
ReplyDeleteYou know you're a writer if:
People think you suffer from absence seizures.
And you don't.
jessica_nelson7590 AT yahoo DOT com
Vince--
ReplyDeleteYou've been reading a lot of romance novels! And I don't think they're all published by Christian houses.
Not sure about the hunk who lives next door to you, Vince.
Does he always kiss your strawberries?
Does your wife know?
And you gave your newest Blaze novel to your divorce lawyer? Not sure that was wise.
But you outdid yourself with:
"If you talk to a teacher about editing your child’s behavior."
Yes, the writer lines were mine. The Redneck jokes belong to Jeff.
I liked Mary's comment about Twister. I just watched that movie again from since I was a teen and I realized that I didn't really care for the setup of characters. The fiancee is def. more sympathetic, funny and likeable than anyone else.
ReplyDeleteGood point Mary!
Amber...
ReplyDeleteWe do need to fix you up with someone cute!
Not Vince.
(Sorry, Vince. You're cute but too old for Amber. Besides, you're interested in the strawberry kisser."
KC...
ReplyDeleteA famous lurker?
Could it be Captain Jack Sparrow???
If only he would stop by today.
Tell your friend, KC, that comparing kids to characters is worthy of Seekerville. She/he needs to come forward to take credit for his/her creativity.
And you're a GRIT!!!!!!!
How fun is that!!!!!!!!!
Yes, Sherrinda,
ReplyDeleteYou do have a RED NECK!!!!
And I'm so sorry about Aunt Monkey.
I'm sure she was a sweetheart!!!!!
Ruthy, you like grits and Chick-Fil-A? You are Southern!!!
ReplyDeleteWait until you come to the next RWA in Atlanta...what year will that be? 2000 something!
Yes, Gina should be published. She's fantastic! And she does weave a delightful tongue-in-cheek into her historicals.
These are all hilarious!!
ReplyDeleteKirsten,
ReplyDeleteDoes trouble always follow you?
Good for you getting up on the frontlines and trying to apprehend the perpetrator yourself.
You do all suspense writers proud!!!
We'll miss you at RWA and ACFW this year. But it's a date for 2011.
Jessica,
ReplyDeleteYou know you're a writer if you watch TWISTER twice...no one else would. :)
I know, I know, Mary put you up to it!!! :)
A big storm is rolling in. Lots of thunder and lightning.
ReplyDeleteNo fooling around with this one.
I may have to log off.
You know you are a writer if the chair in front of the computer has a perfect indention of your bottom.
ReplyDeletecsdsksds[at]gmail[dot]com
Hi Debby:
ReplyDeletePlease note: I was writing from the female POV! I am the hunk next door – vicariously, that is. : )
Amber S.: You’re right on target. I loved this one: You're shocked to discover that marriage consists of more than a wedding.
I’d like to add to yours: “After the wedding you go looking for the Epilogue.”
I did a little math and this blog is projected to have over 300 posts and run for four days! Get ready Debby! Being funny is serious business.
Vince
HOw fun, Debby!!! I'm up for shrimp and grits any day. And a little good humor from you and Jeff. :)
ReplyDeleteBTW, one of our good friends grew up with Jeff Foxworthy. Our friend is a hoot, too! And he has some good stories to tell. :)
Mary, you may as well admit you wrote that first one because you know you're the only person in the world who called the ending of 6th Sense!
ReplyDeleteI did NOT call the ending of the Sixth Sense...
ReplyDeleteI'm a dork.
I bow to Mary's genius.
I already bowed to Teeeeena's genius earlier today.
This bowing stuff gets tiresome.
These are just hysterical! Thanks, ladies, for a great giggle today!
ReplyDeleteYou know you're a redneck when people call your house to tell your son about interesting roadkill in the area he might want to go pick up before someone else does.
You know you're a writer when everything you do, from driving to doing dishes, is accompanied by a third-person running narrative in your head.
niki716 at gmail dot com
Oh my goodness! I'm laughing hysterically right now!
ReplyDeleteDebby,
Your response is just too funny! In setting me up with someone cute, are we talking about someones besides Ruthie's son? And do you have anyone in mind? ;)
Vince,
I love what you added! Doesn't it seem as if so many romance novels simply end with a wedding and a short epilogue? ;)
And I can definitely see the comments rolling in for days on this post!
~Amber
OK, never mind, I lied. Everyone else must have a life right now, because the comments have stopped rolling in. But I'm still getting a good chuckle from previous comments! ;)
ReplyDelete~Amber
This has been so much fun to read!
ReplyDeleteYou know you're a writer if:
-your computer screen is a nightlight
-the most comfortable chair in the house is your computer chair
-you have pens and paper at your finger tips no matter where you are in the house
-you read until your eyes get so blurry you can't see anymore
-you are having fun with this blog :)
EvaMariaHamilton at gmail dot com
Hey everyone,
ReplyDeleteCracking up like crazy!
This one came up today and I thought it was a good one.
You know you're a writer when you find yourself praying for your characters in your prayer journal.
Patty
pattywrites(at)hotmail(dot)com
Wow! 151 comments already. I won't add another redneck joke, but I LOL'd on this one:
ReplyDeleteYou spell sassy SASE.
And...I'm about as far South as you get, and I didn't get the "Idee".
Dh had to 'splain it to me.
Funny stuff.
ReplyDeleteYou're having a conversation with a non-writing friend and mentally score them a "2" for using too many adverbs.
But score them a "9" for showing not telling...
You might be a redneck if you shoot that pesky squirrel IN the bedroom of your mobile home...My husband actually did this.
bcountryqueen6 at msn dot com
I just remembered something that made me think I must really be in Red Neck Territory.
ReplyDeleteI work in a school office and had to sign a visitor in. I asked her name and she said "Tee-nine-see". I asked to see her driver's license and guess how she spelled her name?
T9C
No joke. That is how she "spells" her name! It was on her driver's license.
Ah...there's nothing like the south.
Ruthy, you can steal that one, but I'm thinking I've got to have Aunt Monkey back. I asked my hubby what the name of Aunt Monkey's husband and guess what his name is?
Uncle Welcome. I'M NOT KIDDING!
Uncle Welcome and Aunt Monkey. I'm thinking that surely I've got a heroine with a quirky aunt and uncle named Welcome and Monkey. lol Funny, huh?
I'm back.
ReplyDeleteStorms have passed! YAY!!!
Runner 10...
You need a new chair! For sure!
But I liked your line.
Vince...
ReplyDeleteYou're so much fun!
I knew you were the hunk next door! Just pulling your leg.
But...but who lives in Montana?
Hi Missy...
ReplyDeleteCan we say you and Jeff Foxworthy are kissin' cousins?
That makes you a Redneck, honey!
You want some sweet tea with those biscuits and gravy?
Ruthy bowing to Tina?
ReplyDeleteNow that's a picture I want to see.
Where's Mary?
Probably in a museum taking pictures of the EXIT signs.
Niki,
ReplyDeleteSee Renee and Anna about your talking head!!!
ROADKILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NIKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You're the first person to mention ROADKILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's an automatic Redneck Honorable Mention nomination!!!
Post your favorite roadkill recipe and you just might win!!!!
Amber,
ReplyDeleteDon't worry. I'm sure Ruthy's son is cute. He'd have to be. Cute, but if he's like his mom, he's probably crazy.
How did Ruthy phrase it earlier?
Certifiable!
Courting 8 on a scale of 1 to 10.
But she likes GRITS.
Her son may too. I'll find out.
Patience, Amber!
ReplyDeleteWe had to do some work.
I had Maggie submissions to judge.
Everyone who entered the Maggies this year raise your hand.
Hmmm? Lots of you. Great! I've just read three wonderful submissions.
So, so good!!!!
Eva Maria...
ReplyDeleteLove the idea of using your computer screen as a night light!
Very good.
And original.
Could you add roadkill to the mix? Maybe slung over the computer screen? Might look nice shadowed on the wall, right?
Talk to Niki about that, okay?
Patty...
ReplyDeleteYou're praying for your characters?
Honey, it's fiction.
They're not real.
Really!
You pray for your writing but not your characters.
Got it?
I've got a redneck so here's my contribution.
ReplyDeleteYou might be a redneck if the World Westling Federation takes top billing at your kid's fall festival.
(and yes, this did happen at my girls' elementary school!)
Oh, I know that, Debbi. But I have done it before and thought I was alone but today, one of my writing buddies confessed to doing the same thing.
ReplyDeleteI suddenly felt a lot better.
Who knew there were so many writing rednecks lurking.
ReplyDeleteThis place is jam packed.
Wowza!!!
Shhhh, Pam!
ReplyDeleteDon't admit you didn't get the joke. Okay?
I won't tell.
Promise.
Anonymous...
ReplyDeleteYour hubby shot the squirrel?
In your home?
Okay...
You know you're a Redneck if you shoot a squirrel in your bedroom.
Enough said!
Sherrinda....
ReplyDeleteYou're making this up, right?
Aunt Monkey and Uncle Welcome?
You're very close to Winning the REDNECK AWARD. Oh, yes, you are!
Who can compare?
Well....
T9C!
No doubt about it!
T9C....really?
Although, Patty, after relooking the following, you may be back in the Redneck Honorable Mention running.
ReplyDeleteYou wrote:
"You might be a redneck if the World Westling Federation takes top billing at your kid's fall festival."
Pinky swear it really happened?
Okay, you're still in the running.
Wowza!
ReplyDeleteTina!!!
You're still drinking coffee!!!
Remember that 2 AM problem you have? Might be time to put the cup down.
Haha! There's an award??? A Redneck Award??? Is that a GOOD thing??? lol
ReplyDeleteI will confess that Aunt Monkey's real name is not Monkey, but nobody knows what her real name is. Seriously. And her husband's real name really was Welcome. I know...it's unbelievable.
And I can totally verify the T9C if I have to. ;)
Whew...my neck is burning hot!
Pinky swear, Debbi!
ReplyDeleteWe had people from all over North Georgia come to my daughters' elementary school just to see our wrestling event.
Scary, huh? But Jeff Foxworthy thought it was a hoot when I told him.
And I love you too, babe.
You know you're a writer when you are sitting in the dentist chair, listening intently to the various drilling sounds and wondering how to spell them.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely heard "yarrow" "wheeeeeen" and "xiiiiiii" and other end of the alphabet letters.
This has been great fun today!
Patty,
ReplyDeleteYou talked to Jeff Foxworthy?
Do tell?
When? Where? How?
Kathy wrote:
ReplyDelete"You know you're a writer when you are sitting in the dentist chair, listening intently to the various drilling sounds and wondering how to spell them."
YES!!! Sounds are so hard, aren't they?
We need a dictionary of sounds.
Tina, is there such a thing?
(Tina would know. But she's probably in the bathroom. All that coffee!)
Yes, Debby, my husband actually shot a squirrel in the house.
ReplyDeleteBut I gave him a good fussin'. (My husband, that is...)
Connie
Debby,
ReplyDeleteCute but crazy...I'll have to think about that one. ;) But 8 on a scale of 10 isn't too bad...
And yes, I know I need to learn patience. I'm glad to see ya'll back here, though! I got some work done this afternoon, too, so I should thank you for being a good example and not being on here every second of the day! ;)
~Amber
You're seven months pregnant with Pre-eclampsia, on doctor ordered bed-rest, with your feet above your heart to keep the swelling down, laying on your left side to keep your blood pressure down, editing by holding a manuscript above your head until both wrists go numb.
ReplyDeleteI talked to Jeff years ago--I had met Moby in the Morning from 101.5 months before when Dan and I had taken the girls to the zoo. Anywho, I told him the wrestling story. He asked me to call in to his show because Jeff was going to be on the air(this was the crest of the whole 'You might be a redneck' thing.) Though I never heard him do it, Jeff told me he would use it somewhere.
ReplyDeleteOh, I've got another redneck one:
You might be a redneck if you name can be spelled more than two ways. Example--Patty, Patti, Pattie, Pati.
So Debby, Debbi, Debbie, I promise to spell your name right from here on out.
Hi Debby:
ReplyDelete”You've been reading a lot of romance novels! And I don't think they're all published by Christian houses.?
Do you mean to say that Blazes are not inspirational? I thought they were rather edgy!
“But...but who lives in Montana?”
I think you need to read a few more lines of romances. Going by the titles of some romance lines, only hunks live in Montana.
BTW: How are you at synthesis?
For example:
How do you know you’re a redneck writer?
You think a ‘black moment’ is the time you spend passed-out at the bar.
”At writing conferences, you realize the women (age 23-27) wearing black and hiding their name tags are all New York editors.”
The above was true at the Crested Butte Writer’s Conference I just attended! I think you had a Madam Zelda moment!
BTW: Just 182 posts! Don’t think this is over!
Vince
Hi Kathy:
ReplyDeleteYou know you're a writer when you are sitting in the dentist chair, listening intently to the various drilling sounds and wondering how to spell them.
This is my favorite! I think that observation actually proves you're a writer!
That quote is good enough to use in a novel.
Vince
Being a Peds nurse in a former life, I've heard it all where names are concerned. But the one I still remember after all these years is a women who brought her new baby in for a sleep study. I did a double take when I saw the slot on the history for the kids' name:
ReplyDeleteF-E-M-A-L-E
Thinking it was a mistake, I asked the mom. No, that was the kid's name--she said she thought the spelling was pretty so she used it for her daughters name.
Pinky swear, that actually happened too.
More Late Night Thoughts
ReplyDeleteYou know you’re a redneck writer if you think an Epilogue is Eppy’s log.
You know you’re a redneck writer if you think a pantser is a German tank.
You know you’re a redneck writer if you think a query is where you go to get rocks.
Hey, I have three hours of CPR training in the morning. Would you want to go to sleep and have that happen sooner? :[
Vince
You know you're a writer when you spend more money on a copy of a map than you did on clothes for a year. . . even if that map is of a place long gone that you'll never go to.
ReplyDeleteYou only need new clothes for conference anyway.
Great fun, Debby. Tomorrow's post will be 'you know you're a redneck writer when . . .'
I'm so late to this party, but I had a busy day yesterday.
ReplyDeleteYou know you're a writer if you're home library of police procedures automatically makes you a "person of interest."
You know you're a writer if you’d rather sit at your computer than Sleep. And I just did that last night. It's morning now. My clock says 9.04. I believe I need to stop for awhile.
ReplyDeleteI do have one little antidote.
On the View yesterday, Carol Channing told everyone that she and her husband met when she was 12years old and he was 13. They didn't see each other for years. They met each other again and married 70 years later. Carol says that everytime her husband kisses her she feels 12 again. LOL
rbooth43(at)yahoo.com
You and your own real life hero think it's perfectly normal to make up stories together about the people around you in a restaurant, train station, airport, hotel, etc. Were we suprised that other couples don't do this.
ReplyDeleteJeanCGordon @ yahoo.com
Vince...
ReplyDeleteYou've found your niche!!!
REDNECK WRITER JOKES!!!
Fantastic job!
You're up for REDNECK WRITER HONORABLE MENTION!!!
Hi rbooth...
ReplyDeleteAre you sleeping now, hon?
Love your info about Carol Channing and her hubby. So sweet.
Watch out, Ruthy's already writing Carol's story.
Jean...
ReplyDeleteWere you the couple sitting near me in McDonalds the other day? You kept giggling and looking over at me.
I thought maybe I had a French fry sticking out of my nose, but no, you were making up a story about me.
Hope it had a HEA.
And wasn't about Rednecks or Roadkill.
Vince wrote the following, which need to be repeated.
ReplyDeleteThese are very creative, Vince.
Contact Jeff Foxworthy and see if he's looking for writers.
Vince's Redneck Writer lines:
You know you’re a redneck writer if you think an Epilogue is Eppy’s log.
You know you’re a redneck writer if you think a pantser is a German tank.
You know you’re a redneck writer if you think a query is where you go to get rocks.
Walt, missed you yesterday. Bummer that you had to work. Doesn't your boss realize Seekerville is more important?
ReplyDeleteLoved your line:
You know you're a writer if you're home library of police procedures automatically makes you a "person of interest."
Oh, Deb! Bet there's a story being written about that map.
ReplyDeleteDo tell!
Thanks for sharing your Jeff Foxworthy story, Patty! Since you may have written for Jeff, would you mind talking to Vince? Give him some pointers about landing a job with the Foxworthy Show!
ReplyDeleteThanks!
Patty,
ReplyDeleteI did PKUs on babies when I worked in the lab. One Mama had to check a note she had stuck in her purse to remember how she spelled her baby's name. No wonder, it was 12 letters and completely made up. I still think about that poor child with the very strange name.
And I have heard other PEDS nurses talk about babies named FEMALE...because the Mama liked the way it looked on the form.
Go figure!
Shannon...you are a true writer!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm proud of you!!!
Not even the birth of your child could keep you from working on your manuscipt.
Hope Mother and Baby are doing well!
Hi Debby:
ReplyDeleteYou're up for REDNECK WRITER HONORABLE MENTION!!!
Wow…whether I win it or not, it’s a real honor just to be nominated!
How about this: “You know you’re a redneck writer when you goal is to write for Jeff Foxworthy.”
BTW: I just got back from my CPR class and I strongly suggest that everyone take such training. The classes are much better today with DVDs and stepped instruction. I’ve taken CPR classes in the past and this is the first time I feel fully competent to actually do CPR and do it well.
Vince
Hi Debby:
ReplyDelete“You know you’re a writer when you’ll write a post just to be number 200!
Vince
2:10 PM CST
ReplyDeleteHi Debby:
Talk about life imitating art: the mail just came and instead of sending me, Merrillee Whren’s, Hometown Proposal, which I ordered, Harlequin sent Rhonda Nelson’s “The Renegade” – an August Blaze!
Do you think I should read it or would I get kicked out of ACFW? This is absolutely true! Harlequin has done this before. I’m going to clear it up now!
Vince