What's Holding You Back? Part 1: FEAR

Today I’m going to kick off my “What’s Holding You Back?” series of Seekerville posts by time traveling through a few pages of my “Writer’s Journey” journal that I’ve kept since 2004.
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As most of you know, the 15 writers who make up “The Seekers” kept bumping into each other in the finals circles of various contests for unpublished writers, officially joining together in August 2005 to encourage and pray for each other. To our excitement, about half were contracted to be published over the first few years of our uniting. But by summer of 2007, a number of us wondered if “aspiring” and "unpubbed island" would become a permanent part of our identity. Enthusiasm—and hope—waned as we ran into wall after wall. We’d been writing—and winning—for years. Was our dream to share our stories with the world only to remain a dream?
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That’s when our intrepid Tina asked those of us who were still unpublished if we’d like to form a short-term Seeker sub-group, just for a month or two, to prayerfully dig deep into where we were, where we wanted to be—and to (hopefully!) discover if God was leading us to be a published writer at all. The initial discussion was to include “what has worked and what hasn’t; how BAD do you want it; step-by-step planning; how we can help each other; commitment; and prayer.” Tina added: “Will send out invitations and a box of Kleenex and two Hershey kisses.”
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In late August we kicked off “Plan B” with Tina sending a questionnaire and asking us to write a brief response relating to each issue.
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1) A list of all your viable manuscripts, with each category listed, and history of submissions/rejection and where those manuscripts are sitting right at the moment.
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2) List of with whom and how often you are actively critiquing.

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3) How bad do you want to sell?

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4) Can you still see yourself selling?

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5) How close are you to giving up?

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6) What are your fears?

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7) Where is God in all of this?

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8) A few scriptures that personally encourage you regarding your writing.

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On September 5, 2007, when Tina sent each of us the compiled Plan B responses to review and pray about, I wrote this in my journal: “Amazingly, all of us have so much in common in our responses. Fear that we're not good enough—are fooling ourselves. Fear that we've taken too much time away from something else God wants us to be doing. Fear that we don’t have enough time to do all the additional things that being published requires. Fear that there's something we're not '"getting" that is holding us back. Fear that time is running out. So, we're all going to pray -- for direction, for energy, for focus, for thinking outside the box.”
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That was the beginning of our Plan B “revival.” Each of us digging deep inside. Asking ourselves--and each other--hard questions. Going even deeper with God. Not looking for an overnight quick fix or “band aid” answer, but long-term commitment to seeking out what was deep in our hearts--and God’s. Praying for each other.

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These were my response to Question #6: What are your fears?
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Fear # 1) I've wasted a lot of years pursuing something that isn't in God's plan for me and missed out on the things I should have been doing and am better equipped to do.
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Fear # 2) I'm deluding myself in thinking I will ever have what it takes to be successfully published. Talented writers are a dime a dozen, and I honestly wonder if my stuff is good enough. It's one thing to win a contest with opening chapters--but do I have solidly constructed, entertaining stories throughout? If I do, can I sustain that in book after book?
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Fear # 3) Being published will only add more stress to my life than I can deal with and demand more time than I'm at liberty to put toward it.
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Fear # 4) Being under a book contract and incapable of producing a book on deadline.
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Fear # 5) Disappointing my readers. I used to think of my future Readers as "a partner in imagination." But entering contests for so many years has gradually caused me to see readers as “judges” with standards I can never hope to satisfy. Why is it we only remember the condemning, ugly things judges say and not the beautiful things some write to us?
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Fear # 6) I can't plot my way out of a paper bag. When I know where I'm going, I can write 5 pages M-F in a mere 60-90 minutes per day. That's 25 pages a week. 100 pages a month. A 400 page book in 4 months. Entirely doable. Sounds so simple. BUT when I lose confidence in my plots/conflicts, I stall out and start floundering.
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Fear #7) I’m attempting to write in the “wrong” genre. Although my single title, 1st person chicklit-flavored romantic suspense/mysteries are winning awards, is this really want I want to write? Is it my best-fit niche?
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That was Autumn 2007--where it started for the Seeker Plan B Team. Naming and facing our fears. Giving them once more to God. With our own “Dr. Phil” (Tina) encouraging us to ask ourselves hard questions, we prayerfully forced ourselves to look at “what’s not working” and started thinking outside the box of fears we’d allowed ourselves to become trapped in.
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As the months passed, we came to learn that FEAR--if you face it--isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can be healthy. Enable us to be proactive. Avoid pitfalls. Fear drove us to re-evaluate. It sent us scurrying to prayerfully seek guidance. Fear allowed us to be alert and prepare in advance how to deal with situations we knew we’d be facing as published writers. It made us make decisions and take steps so that family, friends, church, job, community wouldn’t be cast by the wayside as we pursued the publishing dream.

For me, prayer regarding “Fear #7” led me down a path I hadn’t anticipated—in spring 2008 stepping out of the boat and testing the waters of switching genres--writing a heartwarming small-town romance rather than murder mystery/suspense. That “experiment” won the first and only contest I entered it in—the Golden Pen.
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Due to the contest win I received a request for a full manuscript from a Steeple Hill editor in December 2008--and all those fears I thought I’d dealt with over the preceding year had to be faced once more. I knew had a choice to make. I could send in the manuscript or not sent it in. God was opening the door, but he wasn’t going to force me to go through it. After much prayer and soul-searching, I decided to trust God and step through the door—still afraid.
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I got “the call” at 7:25 a.m., Friday, January 23, 2009—a mere week after my manuscript landed on the requesting editor’s desk.
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No doubt about it, the past two years have been hard work. Writing is a business and must be treated as such, even when you have a family, full-time job or other commitments to which you owe allegiance. But I can honestly say that after the first (somewhat panicky!) year of uncertainty with the newness of it all, I LOVE IT.
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My worst fears have thus far not come to pass. I’ve met deadlines. I’m learning to better plot out my stories ahead of time so don’t flounder mid-stream. I’m staying (relatively!) balanced in my commitments (there’s always room for improvement). With each book I get better at organizing my time. My first book won awards--and I’ve received wonderful reader letters. I have two more books coming out this year and another under contract. I have a strong sense of peace that I’m where God wants me at this point in my writing life.
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On December 31, 2008, having at last decided to submit the requested manuscript to Steeple Hill, I wrote in my writing journal: Thank you, Jesus, for giving me this opportunity. Please help me to be faithful to it. To always remember they’re ALL your stories. That I wouldn’t be writing if you didn’t have a plan for it. Thank you for caring about my dreams. Thank you that you listen to and answer my prayers. Thank you for allowing me to partner with you. Thank you that my best days—my best stories—are still in front of me. And that you can use them to draw others closer to you.
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If you’re NOT yet published, what about being published do YOU fear the most?
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And if you ARE published, what fears did you have pre-publication---and did they come true? Did you do anything in advance to prepare to meet those fears head on in order to proactively compensate for them?
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Next month we’ll take a look at another “What’s Holding You Back?” topic gleaned from my writing journal!
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If you’d like to be entered in a drawing for a copy of my brand new “Second Chance Courtship,” please mention it in the comments section and leave your e-mail addy (remember “at” and “dot”).
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Glynna
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Glynna Kaye’s Steeple Hill Love Inspired “Dreaming of Home” is a 2010 “Carol Award” and “Maggie Award” finalist, as well as a first place winner of the “Booksellers Best” and “Beacon” awards. Her next books(also set in Canyon Springs, Arizona)are “Second Chance Courtship” releasing February 2011, and “At Home In His Heart” debuting August 2011!