Acting Out --Instead of Telling

I’m working my way through a finished book, revising, and it struck me as I typed away that a good lesson to talk about is developing ‘telling’ scenes into ‘showing’ scenes.

I wanted to include a scene about Audra’s little sister and brother. I’d cut it from a spot where I thought it stopped the action and I’d been looking for a way to insert it. So I decided this was it, but as I tried to work it in I realized this was a ‘telling’ scene and could be reworked.

I’m just going to post the two different scenes and we can talk about them.

Audra=Heroine
Ethan=Hero
Seth=Hero's pesky brother
Lily=infant Maggie=toddler
This is their first meal at home after a marriage of convenience between Audra and Ethan.

Here’s the original scene
Audra had turned out to be a hand at cooking. Ethan had about decided being married was going to work out fine when the first baby cried. Seth’s chatter was welcome, even if he only made sense about half the time.

They were about halfway finished with the meal when a cry came from upstairs.

“Lily’s awake.” Ethan pushed his chair back. “I’ll get her.”

He left the kitchen quickly, thinking to prevent Maggie from waking up, but it wasn’t to be.

“We need to feed Maggie.” Audra already had potatoes mashed on a plate when Ethan came down with both girls in his arms. “And we need milk.”

“I’ll take one of them,” Seth reached out his arms.

Here’s the developed scene:

“Ethan, you have yeast!” Audra turned from the cupboards and threw herself into his arms.

It was at that exact moment that Ethan decided being married was going to work out fine.

“I can get you all the yeast you want, little darlin’.” And he meant every word. Her arms were strong and warm and the rest of her was real nice too. He hugged her back hard just to make sure.

Audra laughed then whirled away to go through the rest of the cupboards.

It wasn’t long before he sat chewing on a thick, savory venison steak, eating the smoothest mashed potatoes he’d ever seen. She ladled on steaming hot gravy and set biscuits on the table that were straight from the oven.

“We’ll have bread for breakfast but I had to make do with biscuits tonight.”

Ethan smiled at her and their eyes caught. “It’s all real good, Audra. Thank you for this fine meal.”

Her smile changed to something warmer and kinder. Her eyes widened. And for a second Ethan thought she might be able to smile and cry at the same time.

“I’m never gonna say a kind word to you again, woman, if you start crying.”

That made her laugh for no reason he could understand, but if threatening her made her happy, he’d go ahead and do it real regular. Women were a mystery.

“My last husband never complimented a thing I did, you just took me by surprise is all. I won’t cry a single tear, not even tears of happiness.”

“See that you don’t.”

She laughed again and whirled back to the stove in such a pretty way it was almost dancing.

“I think she’s a pretty good trade for Rafe, don’t you, Ethan?” Seth was smiling while he scooped food into his mouth.

“We’ve done well for ourselves for a fact, little brother.”

Audra looked over her shoulder and grinned, then went back to work. She straightened from her pots with a plate of food for herself then sat down with them.

“Ethan, something’s been worrying me and I’d like to ask you what you think.”

Her smile was gone and Ethan braced himself for some new strange female request. “Go ahead.”

Audra rested her fingers on her lips while she gave Ethan a worried look. He decided then and there he’d do anything to keep her smiling. "I’ve told you about my little sister and brother, haven’t it?”

“I know you’ve worried you pa might not treat your little sister right.”

“Her name is Caroline. She’s thirteen now, so I don’t think Father would force her to marry anyone for a few years.”

Little worry lines appeared on Audra’s brow and Ethan wanted to reach over and smooth them away. “What can we do to get her away from him?”

That did it. The lines disappeared. Ethan was surprised by the feeling that he’d performed some heroic deed.

Audra’s smile returned. Not so full and carefree as before, but a beautiful smile all the same. “Thank you, Ethan.”

“I haven’t done anything yet.”

“Yes, but knowing you want to and you’re willing to help makes all the difference.” Audra drew in a slow breath like she was working up the nerve to say something. Ethan waited, hoping he could rescue her again.

“Do you think we could get her and bring her to live with us.”

Ethan was quiet, thinking of how to get to the girl, get her away from a pa who might not want to give her up, get her all the way west. How long would it take? Who should go?

“We don’t have to, Ethan. I’m sorry.” Audra cut into his thoughts.

“What?” Ethan had been lost in his planning. “What are you sorry for?”

“I can tell you don’t want to do it.”

“I was just planning whether I should just head for Texas and snatch her away and bring her home or take you with me. Reckon she’d be scared if I kidnapped her.” Ethan looked at Seth. “And I suppose the law might take a dim view. But if I take Audra then I have to take the babies—”

Audra cut off his planning by laughing. “So we can do it? We can bring her here?”

Ethan nodded. “Sure, she’s my sister too, now. You pa sounds like a polecat, so we’d best get her away from him. And we probably oughta fetch your little brother along, too. Your pa’s gotta be a mighty bad example of a man for him to grow up learning from.”

Audra got up and hugged him again. Ethan decided he was taking to this husband business right quick.

“There’s no rush.” Audra kissed him on the cheek then sat down. Her eyes were shining with unshed tears, but Ethan decided they weren’t all that scary, and he didn’t scold her for them.

“You want to bring your ma out, too?”

Audra laughed.

“Because if I it’ll get a kiss and a hug out of you, I’d probably let you move your whole family into the house.”

“Probably not.” She giggled for a while before she got herself under control. “I suspect she’d kick up a fuss. But thank you for offering. Now let’s eat. The food’s getting cold.”

They were about halfway finished with the meal when the first baby cried.

“Lily’s awake.” Ethan pushed his chair back. “I’ll get her.”

He left the kitchen quickly, thinking to prevent Maggie from waking up, but it wasn’t to be. By the time he swung the door open, Maggie was sitting up, rubbing tear-stained eyes, her bottom lip curled down.

Lily was working her way up to a temper tantrum. Maggie forgot her pouting when she saw him and smiled. Ethan picked them both up without coming even close to dropping one of them on her head. He was real proud of his handiness.

When he got downstairs Audra already had potatoes dished up for Maggie.

“I heard her.” Audra smiled at him like they were a real team at being parents and Ethan liked being married even more. “Hang onto them for just a second while I pour some milk. Then I’ll take Maggie.”

“I’ll take one of them,” Seth reached out his arms.

Mary again—one of the best things about showing ….or as I think of it, acting out a scene...the scene is much, much longer. And we’re trying to fill a whole entire complete gigantic book with words so we need LONGER, right?

What do you think? Are there places in your book that can be acted out?