Guest blogger Lacy Williams: Tension on Every Page

Good morning, Seekerville! Myra here. I’m privileged to introduce guest blogger and debut novelist Lacy Williams. I first met Lacy about five years ago through the Tulsa-area ACFW chapter, back when book publication was still a dream for both of us. She impressed me from the start with her smarts and determination, so I wasn’t the least bit surprised when she won the Genesis in 2009 with the manuscript that is now her debut novel, Love Inspired Historical Marrying Miss Marshall.

Please give Lacy a warm welcome as she shares her insights into maximizing story impact by creating tension on every page.

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According to Donald Maass, author of WRITING THE BREAKOUT NOVEL and THE FIRE IN FICTION, for a novel to be successful it needs to capture the reader’s attention on each page—whether that reader is an agent, editor or someone picking up the novel off the shelf at the bookstore. Maass says the only way to do that is make sure there is adequate tension on each page.

There are several exercises in Maass’s WRITING THE BREAKOUT NOVEL WORKBOOK that deal with tension. His workbook is an excellent resource and will definitely improve your writing, so get a copy! I was privileged to hear Maass speak at the 2009 ACFW Conference Early Bird and he said there are three main ways to add tension to any scene:

Dialogue—if you have two characters in a scene, consider ratcheting up the tension in the dialogue (this includes subtext). What if your characters didn’t have a nice, tidy conversation? What if they had a fight, instead? What if one of the characters doesn’t like the other (for any number of reasons)? What if they were trying to say one thing without really saying the words? Or trying to hide something from each other? Consider ways you could change the dialogue to make things worse for your characters.

External happenings—don’t make things too easy for your characters. What if the horse your character is trying to break refuses to behave, INSTEAD OF easily going on with what the heroine wants? What if the horse tries to stomp on a young girl that shouldn’t have been in the training ring? What if the horse jumps the fence and runs away (and what if the hero had spent the last of his money on the horse and it was his last hope for entering the racing circuit?)? Consider if there are other external things (outside your character) that could happen to increase tension in your scene.

Internal conflict—ask yourself what is going on inside your character in the scene? Is their internal reaction powerful enough? What could they feel or believe that would make things worse for them? In the example above with the heroine breaking a horse, what if she had a bad experience with a green-broke horse in the past? What if she’d been partially paralyzed and had had to fight her way back to being able to move around again? Or what if she’d witnessed someone trying to break a horse and they were killed? What if the girl who’d snuck into the training ring was her daughter? And what if her ex-husband (the hero) that she’s trying to reunite with has previously accused her of endangering their daughter? What if she’s afraid he might be right? Ask yourself if what’s happening in the scene could impact the character in a deeper way, then try to show that inner tension (especially if you have a chance to add conflicting emotions).

According to Maass, a writer should examine each scene, every single page of their novel to see if it needs additional tension. Recently, I led a discussion on WRITING THE BREAKOUT NOVEL WORKBOOK for a local writers’ group, and decided to practice this exercise. I allowed one of the participants to pick a random page in the first draft of my current novel. We read the passage aloud and then had a group discussion on what could be done to add more tension to the scene. Talk about a humbling experience for me—I hate letting people see my first drafts!! But… I’ve decided to share the exercise with Seekerville, too, because what I got out of it was so valuable to me.

Here’s the passage we read:

FIRST DRAFT:

[My heroine (Penny) and her charge (six-year-old Breanna) have just been watching two teen boys (Breanna’s brothers) trying to break a horse.]

Penny hiked up her skirt and maneuvered her way through the rails into the corral. The horse immediately reacted, neighing a soft warning for Penny to stay away.

“Miss Penny, what’re you doing?” Breanna gasped.

Penny ignored her. “Don’t speak too loudly, you three,” she ordered. “I’m going to try a trick my granddad showed me.”

“You’re going to tame that filly?” Oscar scoffed.

His remark rankled Penny but she didn’t show her reaction outwardly. She needed to be calm so the horse would trust her. Pretending to ignore the horse, Penny leaned on the fence about halfway between the kids and the animal, one arm outstretched against the top railing, the apple piece dangling loosely from her fingertips.

“There’s more than one way to break a filly,” was Penny’s response to Oscar. “You can try to manhandle her into submission…” She let her voice trail off, showing him what she thought about his method.

Breanna and Ed watched in rapt attention.

The teen’s eyebrows arched in skepticism. “Or…?”

Penny held her breath as the horse snorted. She watched from the corner of her eye as the animal bobbed its head, trying to determine who Penny was and just what she was doing in the corral. Penny could wait.

“Or you can woo your filly.”

“Woo her?” Oscar echoed, his voice changing from challenging to perplexed.

“Mmm,” Penny said softly. The horse took one step forward—in Penny’s direction. Penny didn’t move. “Yes, woo her. Just like when you’re trying to catch the attention of a girl you might fancy.”

Now his eyebrows went all the way up to meet his hat.

Penny went on, “When you want to get a girl’s attention, you don’t demand it…” She held her breath as the horse took two more steps forward. Still several to go before the rope would be within reach.

“You speak softly to her.” Penny kept her voice low and soothing. “Tell her things she wants to hear. That she’s pretty, if you like her dress, that kind of thing.” Another step. Another. “But don’t simply ask about surface things… you want to find out what is close to her heart… Her family… her dreams…”

One more step brought the horse close enough to stretch its neck and sniff the apple in Penny’s palm, tickling her with its warm breath.

“That’s right,” Penny encouraged the animal under her breath. “Take it…”

The horse lipped up the apple piece, crunching it between its teeth.

“And giving a girl—a filly—gifts can’t hurt your chances either,” Penny finished.

Penny remained still, internally exulting as the animal eased closer and sniffed her arm, her shoulder, her hair. And then, finally, nosed the apron where Penny had hidden the other apple quarters.

Penny rewarded the animal with a second piece, slowly turning and raising her other hand to touch the horse’s neck. The filly bobbed her head, agitated, but Penny left her hand where it was, didn’t move a muscle.

Penny maintained eye contact with the horse, letting the animal know that she was here, that she wasn’t going to hurt it. When the horse calmed, Penny was able to rub under its forelock.

So the scene has some tension in it (what will the horse do? some skepticism from Oscar), but it could use more. Here are some of the suggestions from my writers’ group on adding tension:

*Make the horse wilder (external)

*Horse doesn’t take apple, shies away instead, making her idea not work (external)

*She compares horse to hero or teen (dialogue/subtext)

*What if hero comes up behind her and overhears conversation? (external)

*Make teen more rebellious/not willing to listen (external)

*Make heroine afraid of horse (internal)

And here is the final version of the scene:

Penny hiked up her skirt and maneuvered her way through the rails into the corral. The horse reacted, neighing a warning for Penny to stay away.

“Miss Penny, what’re you doing?” Breanna gasped.

Penny ignored her. “Don’t speak too loudly, you three,” she ordered. “I’m going to try a trick my granddad showed me.”

“You’re going to tame that filly?” Oscar scoffed.

“Why doncha get outta there before ya get hurt?” Edgar chimed in, crossing his arms across the top railing and putting one boot on the bottom. [external: stronger reaction from the boys]

The boys’ remarks rankled, but Penny didn’t show her reaction outwardly. She needed to put off a calm aura so the horse would trust her. Pretending to ignore the horse, Penny leaned on the fence about halfway between the children and the animal, one arm outstretched against the top railing, the apple piece dangling loosely from her fingertips.

“There’s more than one way to break a filly,” was Penny’s response to Oscar. “You can try to manhandle her into submission… Perhaps to steal a kiss…?” She still couldn’t believe he’d done such a thing. Maybe she could teach two lessons at once. [subtext]

Breanna and Ed watched; the young girl with rapt attention, Edgar wearing a skeptical look.

Oscar’s eyebrows arched, his jaw lifting defiantly—she’d seen that look on her brother Sam’s face many a time. “Or…?” [external: boys’ reaction]

Penny held her breath as the horse snorted. She watched from the corner of her eye as the animal bobbed its head, trying to determine who Penny was and just what she was doing in the corral. Penny could wait.

“Or you can woo your filly.”

“Woo her? Yer joking.” 

Edgar snorted as if to agree with his brother. [external: boys’ reaction]

“I’m not.” Penny remained perfectly still as the horse took one step forward—in Penny’s direction. “Yes, woo her. Just like when you’re trying to catch the attention of a girl you might fancy.”

Now Oscar’s eyebrows met his hat. He crossed his arms over his chest.
“When you want to get a girl’s attention, you don’t demand it…” Penny held her breath as the horse took two more hesitant steps forward. Still several to go before the rope would be within reach.

“You speak softly to her.” Penny kept her voice low and soothing. “Tell her things she wants to hear. That she’s pretty, if you like her dress, that kind of thing.” Another step. And another. “But don’t simply ask about surface things… you want to find out what is close to her heart… Her family… her dreams…”

One more step brought the horse close enough to stretch its neck and sniff the apple in Penny’s palm, tickling her with its warm breath.

“That’s right,” Penny encouraged the animal under her breath. “Take it…”

The horse lipped up the apple piece, crunching it between its teeth.

“And giving a girl—a filly—gifts can’t hurt your chances either,” Penny finished, pride coloring her voice. It had worked!

Penny caught sight of a sharp motion from the corner of her eye. Suddenly, the horse shied and reared. Penny jumped away, banging her side hard into the corral post. The horse’s hooves narrowly missed her—she heard the air whoosh by the filly galloped away to the other side of the corral.

“Miss Penny!”

“What’s going on here?”

Heart pounding so loudly that she only dimly heard Breanna’s shout and the second voice—Jonas’s—Penny clung to the corral post. The horse didn’t settle, instead heading around the corral and back toward Penny, who couldn’t seem to make her legs work. She knew she needed to duck between the rails and get out of the corral, but her feet felt like lead—she couldn’t move!

A pair of hands clasped her waist and she was bodily lifted over the top corral rail just before the horse thundered past, dirt flying up behind its dangerous hooves.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Jonas demanded. [external: horse’s reaction and hero shows up]

Scene excerpts copyright © 2011 Lacy Williams.

The bolded parts in the finished version of the scene are where I added tension. For this particular scene, it turned out to be mostly external tension, however, in the reaction scene that immediately follows this, there is additional internal tension as the hero confronts her and also she finds out that one of the boys caused the horse to react. So sometimes adding tension to one scene can cause a snowball effect and help create more/new tension in later scenes as well.

I hope that this post you identify some ways to add tension to your manuscript so that the editor or reader won’t be able to put it down!

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About Lacy: Lacy Williams is a wife and mom from Oklahoma. Her debut novel won ACFW's Genesis award before being published. She promises readers happily-ever-afters guaranteed. She combines her love of dogs with her passion for literacy by volunteering with her therapy dog Mr. Bingley in a local Kids Reading to Dogs program.

Lacy loves to hear from readers and posts short stories and giveaways at her website www.lacywilliams.net and can be found on social media at www.facebook.com/lacywilliamsbooks and www.twitter.com/lacy_williams .

About the book: Filling the shoes of her late husband as town marshal hasn’t been easy for Danna Carpenter. She’s not only fighting criminals but she’s also fighting to earn the respect of the townspeople. So crossing paths with tenderfoot detective Chas O’Grady is the last thing she needs. He’s hunting a band of cattle rustlers and isn’t used to the rugged Wyoming landscape. Teaming up is their only option, but when circumstances place them in a compromising situation, the town forces a more permanent partnership—marriage. If they can let down their guards with each other they might find that love is the greatest catch of all.


Praise for MARRYING MISS MARSHAL:

Publisher’s Weekly calls it, “warmly romantic with a hint of adventure and an unconventional heroine.” (June)

RT Book Reviews says, “Williams’ debut is a great story with a twist, and it will keep readers riveted.”  (August)

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 Chat with Lacy today and you’ll be entered to win an autographed copy of Marrying Miss Marshall.