Hooks, Lines and Sinkers: How to Reel in Readers

Janet here. I'm revisiting a post I wrote in 2012 that I thought deserved another look. We writers work long and hard to get that perfect hook to open our book—that first line that we write and rewrite to reach perfection--but we may not pay much attention to all the other opening lines in our chapters and scenes. I'll admit that the challenge is daunting to write first lines that will hook readers and keep them turning pages for 30-60 scenes.

We writers may open a scene/chapter with Point of View character's name. That's fine but if we don't vary our openings, we're apt to bore readers. Something we never want to do. 

We also may use opening lines to establish the timeline or day for the reader, but if overdone this technique risks reading like a dated journal.

We may write opening lines that reveal the setting or weather. Again nothing wrong with that if those elements hook readers. 

The problem comes when we write like real life, instead of using creative lines to open our scenes and chapters that will hook readers. 

I want to make the point that trying to write brilliant opening lines every time might keep us from getting the book written. LOL Worse, we could try so hard to write a hook that all that cleverness could get annoying.  

I found some opening lines in my books that I'm proud of, but I was surprised how often I'd written opening lines that were deadly dull, what I'll call sinkers. By sinkers, I mean lines that fail to hook, lines that sink into oblivion.

To give an example of a sinker from my debut, Courting Miss Adelaide, Sept. 2008: 

                 Charles walked the few blocks to the Ledger, his stride brisk. 

I lost an opportunity to grab readers, especially since a few sentences later Charles learns a woman had apparently hung herself. That piece of news is central to the plot and would've hooked readers far better.

          

SO HOW CAN WE UP EXCITEMENT, INTEREST WITH CLEVER OPENING LINES? 

SOMETIMES BY USING THE SECOND LINE AND OMITTING THE FIRST 

As I looked at my opening lines, I was also surprised to see that the second line often hooked me more than the first. If I’d flipped the two sentences, I’d have a stronger hook. Or in this example from Wanted: A Family, March 2011, I could’ve simply omitted the first mundane sentence:

Jake sat in Callie’s parlor holding Elise’s baby against his chest. Inside the blanket, the poor little thing drew her knees up, screeching like an alley cat in a midnight skirmish. And Jake didn’t know the first thing about comforting her.

A small tweak to the second line establishes the POV character and grabs the reader far better:

Inside the blanket, Elise’s baby drew her knees up, screeching like an alley cat in a midnight skirmish. And Jake didn’t know the first thing about comforting her.

This exercise made me see that a hooky opening line might not stand alone. The good news—it doesn’t have to. We can either write a second line to establish the point of view character and the setting. Or we can tweak that hooky opening line by adding the point of view character’s name later in the sentence.

I looked at opening lines that drew me and found several ways to start that can reel in readers. While the POV character name and setting may also be given, these sentences pop off the page because they show conflict, raise the stakes, establish tension.

·         START WITH DIALOGUE 

           “I don’t like you.” The pale blue eyes staring at Elizabeth were defiant, strong, so like her                    father, and not about to be dissuaded by a scorched bowl of soup. Janet Dean, The Substitute              Bride, LIH, Feb. 2010.

            "Jason," Melanie yelled, as she caught her son by his shirt collar. "Stay back!" Audra                          Harders, Rocky Mountain Hero, LI, Jan. 2011.

"I can't find Sally." Ruth Logan Herne, A Family to Cherish, Men of Allegany County, LI, June 2012. 

·         START WITH ACTION

          Heart in his throat, Jamison pulled to the curb and hit the ground running, weapon in                         one hand, MagLite in the other. Debby Giusti, The Colonel’s Daughter, LIS, Aug. 2012                            

·         START WITH ONE OF THE FIVE SENSES

           Even from yards away, the odor hit Elizabeth harder than a belch from Reginald Parks. Janet              Dean, The Substitute Bride, LIH, Feb. 2010

           From the look on her face, you’d have thought he’d asked her to help him dispose of a body.                Glynna Kaye, Second Chance Courtship, LI, February 2011

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          The hospital smelled like a mix of cleaning products and rubbing alcohol as Michele stepped               into the elevator ahead of Jamison. Debby Giusti, The Colonel’s Daughter, LIS, Aug 2012.

·         START WITH SETTING

I’m not talking about setting as “in the parlor.” I’m talking about using descriptions that evoke emotion, establishing mood, or raise questions.  

           The sun shot rays of light into David Wellman’s office, shouting the start of a new day and                   grating against his every nerve. Janet Dean, Last Minute Bride, Brides of the West, LIH,                    April 2012.

         From under the leafy sugar maple, Katherine watched Andrew and Randy huddle on            the dock like a pair of conspirators. Cara James, A Path of Love, Aug. 2012

·         START WITH PHYSICAL REACTIONS

              Katherine's heart tightened, and for a split second she froze, staring as the train hurtled                      down upon them.  Cara James, A Path of Love, Aug. 2012.

·         START WITH CONFLICT

              Just what he didn’t need. A shadow from his past. One with big, sparkling brown                                 eyes looking at him like he walked on water. Glynna Kaye, High Country Hearts, LI,                           March 2012

            Outside the parsonage, her new husband turned to Elizabeth, the chill in his steely                              gray-blue eyes raising goose bumps on her arms. Janet Dean, The Substitute Bride,                              LIH, May 2010

·         START WITH ROMANCE

Romance doesn’t have to be a kiss or touch, though it can be. Use openings to show the POV character’s interest in the other protagonist.

          The fishing poles were a ruse. Not that Jake would                admit as much to Callie. Janet Dean, Wanted: A              Family, LIH, Mar. 2011.

 Jake’s invitation to go fishing was just an excuse to spend time with Callie. The second line establishes his POV. 

·         START WITH MYSTERY OR A VAGUE REFERENCE

            It was time. Janet Dean, An Inconvenient Match, LIH, Jan. 2012.

If you’ve read my post on bugaboos, you know too many it was/there was constructions bug me. Used sparingly they can be effective and raise questions.

Fifty-two hundred dollars.

Cam added the hard knot of financial anxiety alongside five years of guilt and figured he deserved both. Ruth Logan Herne, A Family to Cherish, LI, June 2012.

This excerpt would fit equally well under introspection/sequel. But that dollar amount was vague enough to make me want to know more.

·         START WITH HUMOR 

           Like every other time when she'd had dealings with her husband, right from the                                    moment she'd found him feverish in an army hospital in Georgia, Callie had to do all                          the thinking. Mary Connealy, Over the Edge, Aug. 2012.

           Seth hadn’t gotten a minute alone with his wife since—he paused. Had he ever                                      gotten a minute alone with her? At least when she was fully conscious? Mary                                        Connealy, Over the Edge, Aug. 2012. 

The punch line is the last sentence. Some lines need to be built upon and don’t work as openers.

           Geraldine Whitehall was dying. Again.  Janet Dean, Courting the Doctor’s Daughter,                            LIH, May 2009.

·         START WITH INTROSPECTION/SEQUEL

           Last evening, the mood between Elise and David had gone from congenial to chillier                            than homemade ice cream and had given Elise just as big a headache. Janet Dean,                                Last Minute Bride, Brides of the West, LIH, April 2012.

·         START WITH UNSPOKEN PRAYER

           Lord, what do you want from me? Audra Harders, Rocky Mountain Hero, LI, Jan.                                2011

·         START WITH A QUESTION

Why did Michele continue to get under his skin? The Colonel’s Daughter, LIS, Aug. 2012.

THIS WRITER KNOWS A GREAT HOOK WILL REEL IN HER READERS

TIE ENDINGS AND BEGINNINGS TOGETHER

Myra Johnson uses this technique in the following examples:

             [End scene]She watched him watching her lips, and her world shifted. Everything . . .            everything was about to change forever.

             [Next scene, in hero's POV If you do this, it changes everything.

             [End chapter] She cleared her throat, gaze locked on her folded hands. "I think it's                safe to say you've found what you were looking for."

             [Next chapter] Nathan had found what he was looking for, all right. Didn't take much              convincing to realize he was falling deeper in love every day.

When we use opening lines effectively, we give readers way more than the who, when and where and keep them turning pages.

I'm sure you can find other types of opening lines than I've listed here. If you're brave, share an opening line that hooks you from a chapter and scene that you’ve read or written. I hope to learn more from all of you. For a chance to win a $10 Amazon gift card, leave a comment.

I brought dessert pizza, a cookie dough crust with cream cheese and fruit. It’s a work of art and sure to grab your attention as much as those opening lines.