Hook Readers with Strong Inciting Incident Openings

Janet here. We've heard and probably believe that readers of commercial fiction want the story to hook them quickly. So how do we writers do that? How do we start our stories?

We start with an inciting incident. An inciting incident is an event or situation in the story’s opening that brings change and spurs the character to action. The change should threaten the character or his goal or his self-concept or all three. The threat needs to be something readers can relate to, something that will make readers care and worry about the character.

There are endless possibilities for strong inciting incidents, but I'm only going to share three openings from the following romance novels that threaten the character and lead to action.

In my debut Courting Miss Adelaide, I open the story with milliner Adelaide Crum asking to rear one of the several orphans coming to town on the train. Since Adelaide is unmarried, the committee turns down her request, which hammers her self-concept and destroys what she sees as her last hope for motherhood. From that point on, Adelaide is a changed woman determined to take charge of her destiny. When she later suspects two orphans are being mistreated, she takes action, risking not only her livelihood, but also her life. 

Candice Sue Patterson opens her novel How to Charm a Beekeeper’s Heart with Huck Anderson aiming to evict single mom Arianne Winter's failing bridal boutique with her living quarters overhead. This event threatens Arianne and her daughter’s existence, Arianne’s self-concept, and her dream of designing bridal gowns. When a life-threatening injury derails Huck entirely, Arianne offers to aid in his lengthy recovery if he'll allow her to remain in his building, which sets Arianne and Huck on a challenging journey. 


Cathy Gohlke opens Band of Sisters with the burial of Maureen O’Reilly’s mother that results in a threat that forces Maureen and her sister to flee Ireland. In New York City, Maureen is suspicious when other female clerks mysteriously disappear from the department store where she works. Her stand for justice leads to a terrible secret that puts Maureen's life at risk. 

The opening events pull the rug out from under the character and produce change that is so upsetting, so threatening that the character takes action. 

Design your character to fit the inciting incident or the inciting incident to fit the character. If your character isn’t threatened by the change, then consider enlarging the inciting incident or changing your character. 

A fun example of an inciting incident fitting the character is in the first Shrek movie. The inciting incident occurs when all the fairy tale creatures invade Shrek’s swamp. Not every character would see that change as threatening. Some might even welcome their new neighbors, but not this ogre. From that inciting incident, Shrek goes to great lengths to get his swamp back. Like all good stories, the change changes Shrek, but that’s a topic for another day.  

Once we writers have an inciting incident in mind that will cause change that threatens the character in some way how do we get that opening event on the page? Where do we begin? How we get that inciting incident on the page matters. Some ways to get the openings on the page are more challenging than others but they're still doable if handled with care. Some openings are no-nos. By that I mean few editors or agents want to see a story start in this way.  

• Avoid opening the story in the ordinary world: I’m sure you’ve heard the advice to open the story in the character’s ordinary world. But if the ordinary world is too ordinary, the opening may be boring, flat and not grab readers. I’m not saying it can’t be done and done effectively. If we do it, we need to add enough interesting or extraordinary elements to make the ordinary world grab readers. 

• Avoid opening the story with a generic character: We want to give enough significant details about the character so that when the threat comes, readers will care and root for him. I’m not talking about his appearance unless those details pertain to a handicap or scar. I’m talking about details about the character that will grab readers’ interest. A few well-chosen paragraphs or sentences can bring the character to life and make readers relate to him. 

• Avoid opening the story with long passages of introspection (character’s thoughts). Sometimes writers start the story in the point of view character’s thoughts in an attempt to share information they want readers to know. The problem is if we're not careful all this thinking slows the pace. If we opt to open our stories in the character’s thoughts, we might want those thoughts to be very funny or touching. We will also want to put our character in a setting that creates a mood and intersperse his thoughts with meaningful action or dialogue. 

         I open The Bounty Hunter’s Redemption in Carly Richards’s thoughts as she and her son Henry stand in the cemetery at her dead husband’s interment. The scene worked for my editor because I describe a setting that establishes mood and I sprinkled Carly’s thoughts in between the pastor’s words, neighbors’ mumbled condolences, Henry’s dialogue and actions and the gravedigger’s first shovelful of dirt. 

     In The Substitute Bride, I opened in Elizabeth Manning’s thoughts as she’s preparing to run before she’s married off to an old geezer who’d promised to pay her father’s gambling debts in exchange for her hand. Elizabeth’s thoughts are punctuated with packing, tying bed sheets into a rope, comforting a younger brother she’s forced to leave behind, a ticking clock as her father calls up the stairs, and her actual descent and escape.

• Avoid opening with a back story dump (Thoughts about past events). Back story bogs down the pace and defuses readers anticipation of discovery. To keep readers turning pages, tease them with snippets of back story instead of laying out all the wounds of their past. If we opt to start the story with back story, we need to have a reason for revealing so much about the character’s past early on.

In Wanted: A Family pregnant widow Callie Mitchell’s rundown house triggers thoughts about her husband falling off the roof to his death. Her thoughts also reveal their marriage had issues. I interspersed her thoughts with actions and dialogue that make it clear she’s not up to fixing the house, even though its condition is putting her and the unwed mother living with her at risk. When stranger Jake Smith arrives asking to overhaul the house in exchange for room and board, Callie's decision to hire him makes sense and the possibility of a romance between them feels feasible.      

• Avoid starting with “talking heads.” Surely starting with dialogue is okay. This is actually one of the no-nos, I mentioned earlier. We need to give a sense of setting (details of time and place that evoke mood and impact the character) or enough of the character’s introspection to provide a foundation for what’s going or enough movement to show those talking heads are attached to bodies. Without setting, introspection or movement, readers will likely find the dialogue confusing.    

•  Avoid opening with action that puts the character in jeopardy, yet seems to come out of nowhere. Fast-paced action seems like a great way to start, but it can be a no-no, if we fail to give enough context through snippets of the character’s thoughts and details of the setting for readers to understand what's going on and care if he survives.

      When we create a strong inciting incident and put it on the page in ways that are interesting, don't slow the pace or confuse the reader, we'll grab readers and have the beginnings of a great story. 

What memorable inciting incidents from movies or books can you can share with us? Leave a comment for a chance to win one of the books I’ve mentioned in the post in eBook format. 

Then help yourself to breakfast! I brought Belgium waffles, sausage, fruit and whipped cream and syrup, along with lots of coffee and choices of tea. Grab a plate. 

Janet Dean grew up in a family who cherished the past and had a strong creative streak. Her father recounted fascinating stories, like his father before him. The tales they told instilled in Janet a love of history and the desire to write. Today Janet spins stories for Love Inspired Historical. She is a two-time Golden Heart finalist, a Genesis and a Carol finalist and a member of Romance Writers of America and American Christian Fiction Writers. Her novels are also Golden Quill, Gayle Wilson Award of Excellence, Booksellers Best and Inspirational Readers Choice Award finalists. Visit Janet at her Website: www.janetdean.net