Making Every Scene Count

with guest Karen Barnett.


“I couldn’t put it down.”
“I read all night.”  
“I felt like I was right there!” 
“I didn’t want it to end.”  

Aren’t these the type of praises we most want to hear from readers? Most authors know the key to getting a reader hooked is a killer first line. But no matter how gripping the opener is, if the rest of your story sags, no one will continue reading for long. So, how do you keep them engaged and turning pages from the opening hook until the sigh-worthy final line?  

By making every chapter—even every individual scene—count.  

Sounds simple, right? Novelist Elmore Leonard is attributed with saying, “Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip.” There’s so much more, though. It’s about creating scenes that draw readers in so thoroughly they wouldn’t dare skip a line.  

Here are some of my favorite techniques to make sure every scene counts. When you are revising a chapter, comb through your pages and check for each of these five points: grounding, sensory detail, character voice, dynamic verbs, and deep point of view (DPOV). I’ll show you some examples of each point by using quotes from some of my favorite authors, plus selections from my new novel, The Road to Paradise.  

Grounding — Have you ever started reading a scene and felt completely lost? Where am I? Who’s speaking? The first line or two should pull the reader into the moment and leave no lingering doubts in their mind. If it takes more than a few lines to establish these facts, they’ll feel disoriented and will probably put the book down.  

• Whose head are we in? (Point of view).
• Where are we?
• What’s happening? Or, what is the character feeling?

Here are a few scene openings that waste no time answering those questions. 

• “Pulse racing, Rebekah pressed farther into the shadows in the corner behind the wardrobe, still able to see Mr. Whitcomb’s silhouette in the hallway.” A Note Yet Unsung, Tamera Alexander. (Who: Rebekah. Where: behind the wardrobe. Action/Mood: Hiding and/or spying.)

• “The creek beckoned Jonas. Quiet and stillness would calm his anxious soul.” Road to Harmony, Sherry Kyle. (Who: Jonas. Where: Outside by the creek. Action/Mood: Anxious)

• “Ford entered the cavernous lobby of the Paradise Inn, the room’s warmth gripping him like a bear hug.” The Road to Paradise, Karen Barnett. (Who: Ford. Where: Paradise Inn. Action/Mood: Comforting.) 

Sensory Detail — To make the reader feel as if they’re inside the character’s skin, add rich sensory detail. Focus on the five senses: sight, smell, hearing, taste, and touch.   

• "The claws scrabbled through the cabin, pausing every few seconds. The more she tried to ignore the disturbance, the harder her ears labored to locate its position." The Road to Paradise, Karen Barnett. Sense: hearing.

• "That evening, Tess opened the door to Robillard’s Bakery and inhaled the aroma of fresh-baked bread and purpose.” When Tides Turn, Sarah Sundin. Sense: smell.

• "Their sly glances and the subtle brush of their elbows kept them both distracted by something infinitely sweeter than the bitterness rising at the back of her throat." (On Love's Gentle Shore, Liz Johnson. Sense: sight, touch, AND taste!

Character Voice — When your character speaks or thinks, it should be distinctive. The metaphors they use, the language choices, the grammar, the way they view the world—it's all a reflection of who they are. When you read through your writing, look for changes you can make to cause your character to stand out. 

In The Road to Paradise—as in many romances—the two leads begin as opposites. Ford is a gruff park ranger, raised in a masculine world of trees and hard work. Margie's a highly-educated Senator's daughter who is nature-obsessed and resorts to poetry and quotations to express herself. These traits become obvious in their word choices and dialogue...sometimes even when they're using the same word.  

• Ford’s POV: "'You assumed wrong. A person—a man—has to earn the right to that title. We don't just hand out . . .' Ford caught himself, Harry's warnings still ringing in his ears. 'You're not a ranger. Just a naturalist. And here on trial, at that." 

• [A moment later, after a scene change, we're in Margie's POV]. "'A naturalist.' The word coursed out from her heart to her fingertips, like a flower unfurling in the morning light. She clutched the small leather bag containing her journal to her chest. She couldn't wait to record the days' events on its crisp pages. The first thing she'd do would be to inscribe her name on the inside cover. Margaret Lane, Naturalist.” 

Can you hear the distinctiveness in each character's voice? It should practically leap off the page. Kind of like the difference between Pooh Bear and Eeyore in the A.A. Milne classic, Winnie-the-Pooh: 

    "Good morning, Eeyore," said Pooh. 
    "Good morning, Pooh Bear," said Eeyore gloomily. "If it is a good morning, which I doubt," said he. 
    "Why, what's the matter?" 
    "Nothing, Pooh Bear, nothing. We can't all, and some of us don't. That's all there is to it.” 


Choose Dynamic Verbs —You might have heard that passive verbs slow the action, but to make your scene shine, choose verbs with an extra punch. 

• “A sharp knock at the door jarred an already fractured moment.” A Note Yet Unsung, Tamera Alexander. “Interrupted” would have worked, but how much better is “jarred?” 

• “Crossing an ankle over his knee to untie his boot, he yanked on the lace until the bow morphed into an angry knot. His blunt, calloused fingertips fumbled against it, only managing to bumble it more. Hopping on one foot, he thudded a shoulder against the whitewashed board wall and bounced against the cement basin.” On Love’s Gentle Shore, Liz Johnson. These well-chosen verbs made me feel like I was hopping around on one foot right alongside the character. 

    

Deepen Your POV— Not only should each scene be taking place from a specific character's point of view, you should be so deep inside a character's skin that you experience their emotions as if they're your own. Here are a few techniques you can use to accomplish that.  

• Avoid words/phrases that distance us from the character by telling the reader what is happening rather than letting us experience it, such as the following:

- he thought- she wondered- he saw -she guessed- he considered 

• Try not to use emotion words that tell the reader how the character feels instead of showing them: joy, shame, happiness, anger, rage, despair, sadness, etc. 

Replace those words and phrases with ones that pull your reader into your character’s head.  

• Internal thoughts or monologue (Warning: don’t overdo this.)

- “Candy, wait —” I tried to take a deep breath, but my lungs felt heavy. I can do this. I need to. For Elinore." The Girl Who Could See, Kara Swanson. 

- “I believe one former customer referred to me as a ‘termagant,’ which if memory served me was actually code for ‘someone who will insist on people keeping their hands out of the loose-leaf tea jars, thank you very much.’” Jane of Austin, Hillary Manton Lodge. [Also a great example of character voice, isn’t it?] 

•   Physical (gut) reactions to action or dialogue

-"A smile spread across her face, and I felt a tightness in my chest." Jane of Austin, Hillary Manton Lodge.  

-“When Lars helped Elena into the carriage, heat flooded Jonas’s face and his hands clenched tight.” Road to Harmony, Sherry Kyle. 

- “Margie pressed fingers against her temples, the tension gathering like storm clouds.” The Road to Paradise, Karen Barnett

Back in my college days, I took a class on story telling from the great author, Walter Wangerin Jr. I still remember him talking about creating special tales to relieve his daughter’s bedtime fears. In class, he said something I’ll never forget.  

"While you are telling the tale, the child actually dwells within the story."  

That’s a big responsibility, isn’t it? If you have done your job well—through grounding, sensory detail, character voice, dynamic verbs and deep POV—then the person holding your novel isn’t just reading, they are living within the pages. Everything else fades.  

That’s when you’ll receive the treasured words every writer dreams of hearing: "I didn’t want this story to end." 

 Are there any books on your keeper shelf that fill this criteria?

Leave a comment today for an opportunity to win a print copy of The Road to Paradise: A Vintage National Parks Novel. Winner announced in the Weekend Edition.

 The Road to Paradise: A Vintage National Parks Novel

An ideal sanctuary and a dream come true–that’s what Margaret Lane feels as she takes in God’s gorgeous handiwork in Mount Rainier National Park. It’s 1927 and the National Park Service is in its youth when Margie, an avid naturalist, lands a coveted position alongside the park rangers living and working in the unrivaled splendor of Mount Rainier’s long shadow. 

But Chief Ranger Ford Brayden is still haunted by his father’s death on the mountain, and the ranger takes his work managing the park and its crowd of visitors seriously. The job of watching over an idealistic senator’s daughter with few practical survival skills seems a waste of resources.

When Margie’s former fiancé sets his mind on developing the Paradise Inn and its surroundings into a tourist playground, the plans might put more than the park’s pristine beauty in danger. What will Margie and Ford sacrifice to preserve the splendor and simplicity of the wilderness they both love?

KAREN BARNETT is an award winning author of five novels who draws on her firsthand experience as a naturalist, former park ranger, and outdoor educator to transport readers to America’s national parks. She lives in Oregon with her husband, two kids, and three mischievous dachshunds. Beyond writing, she enjoys photography, hiking, decorating bizarre birthday cakes, and dragging her teenagers through boring history museums. 

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Karen Barnett’s vintage national parks novels bring to vivid life President Theodore Roosevelt’s vision for protected lands, when he wrote in Outdoor Pastimes of an American Hunter: "There can be nothing in the world more beautiful than the Yosemite, the groves of the giant sequoias and redwoods, the Canyon of the Colorado, the Canyon of the Yellowstone, the Three Tetons; and our people should see to it that they are preserved for their children and their children's children forever, with their majestic beauty all unmarred.