More BANG for Your Buck: Making Your Words Work for You!

KA-BOOM!

What’s that sound? Why, that’s the extra punch and pop a writer can infuse into their prose in a number of glorious ways. And today, I’m going to share a few of my very favorite tips I use to in“fuse” a wee bit more boom and bang into my writing.

From double entendres to onomatopoeias, writers have the opportunity to make their words work double and triple time, taking their novels from ho-hum to ho-HOT!

So, shall we get started? Ready, aim, 🔥🔥🔥!!!!!

WAYS TO GET MORE BANG FOR 

YOUR WRITING BUCK

1.) CREATE A MOVIE IN THE READER'S MIND WITH MOTION PHRASES: With unlimited access to Netflix, Hulu, and umpteen cable offerings, today's readers are visual people, which is why it's important to create a movie in your readers' minds. I wrote a blog about this a while back called Keeping It "Reel" ... or a "Novel" Approach to Putting a Movie in Your Reader's Mind, so that explains movie mind in more detail if you are interested.

One of the easiest ways to create a movie in a reader’s mind is to take normal phrases like “she caught her breath,” “a cold chill,” or just an ordinary “blush” and ramp them up through motion phrases.

Here are a few sample sentences taken from my book A Passion Most Pure in which motion phrases hopefully help the reader see and feel the emotion in the character’s mind a little more dramatically.

Instead of “she caught her breath”: 

The oxygen swirled still in her lungs.

 🔥

Instead of “a cold chill”:  

The first time Brady mentioned her name, a cold chill slid through Collin like a slow-motion avalanche.

 🔥

Instead of “her cheeks paled”: 

Faith turned and the blood in her face coursed to her toes like a thundering waterfall.

🔥

 

Instead of a “blush”:

Heat roared to his cheeks

2.) MAKE DESCRIPTIONS DO DOUBLE AND TRIPLE DUTY: Okay, you have to write a description anyway, right? Why not make it do double duty by giving insight into the character at the same time? In the clip below from Surprised by Love, Book 3 of my Heart of San Francisco series, I tried to do just that by describing both the setting and the man in it with extra clues to his character.

He stood staring out the mahogany French doors, one palm braced to the wall, his charcoal suit coat strained against broad shoulders. Wisps of dark hair curled up on his high collar, typical for a man too consumed with obligations to take time for his barber. She noted the gray French Mossant fedora casually tossed on the cordovan loveseat as if he expected to stay and was making himself at home, also typical of the man she intended to show the door.

In the two clips below from Book 3 of my Isle of Hope series, His Steadfast Love, I used the setting to correlate with the heroine’s feelings in the first clip, and the hero’s thoughts in the second.

Just like us, she thought with a stutter of her pulse, and instantly her good mood plunged like the spring gushing over the boulders. Because thoughts like that were nothing but wild water careening out of control, as fleeting as the foamy spray that misted over the brook below. 

 🔥

He stared at the frail hand on his arm that was anything but, so translucent the blue veins looked like a road map. He stifled a grunt.

One leading straight to my demise.

3.) POUND THE NAIL HOME WITH REPETITIVE WORDS: Normally I try to never repeat the same word in a sentence, paragraph, or even on the same page if I can help it. But sometimes repetitive words can be a great tool for conveying a host of emotions. In the sample below from A Passion Redeemed, I used the word “oh” three times in a row, each conveying a different meaning, which in my humble opinion, makes the scene all the more dramatic.

Her eyes glowed. “I’m glad. I pretty much kept a constant vigil of prayer.” She focused on her hands, knotted in her lap. “Especially when I knew you were on the ship.”

He scratched his head and leaned back. “Yeah, well the ship was fine. It was nearing Boston where the problems began.”

She looked up. “What do you mean?”

“It’s a long story, but the sum of it is that I asked Charity to marry me.”

He heard her catch her breath, the shock evident in her eyes. “Oh …”

“Because I thought Rigan raped her and she was pregnant.”

“Oh.”

“But she lied.”

Kathleen swallowed hard. “Oh?”

“Yeah. So I high-tailed it out of there. But I wanted you to know that it was a close call.”

She seemed to teeter on the edge of the chair, her gaze fixed on his. “How close?”

Heat collared his neck. “Very.”

4.) Reinvent Cliches: Okay, I’ll be honest with you — I tend to be an idiom/cliché kind of gal, especially while I’ve been writing my new 1880's Western series, Silver Lining Ranch because let’s face — idioms and cliché just seem to work for that era.

BUT … they work sooooo much better when you can give them a little creative twist like I attempted to do in the samples below. The first two are from A Passion Redeemed, a play on “the pot calling the kettle black” and dressing up “good riddance” with humor. The third one is from Book 1 in my Silver Lining Ranch series, Love’s Silver Lining, where I use a play on the idiom “put that in your pipe and smoke it,” but tie it in to the stew the heroine is serving her patient instead.

Instead of "The pot calling the kettle black":

“Well, that’s certainly the lush calling the sot tipsy.” 

 🔥

Instead of "Good riddance":

“Then you’re going to say good riddance to a man who doesn’t have the sense that God gave a goat …

 🔥

Instead of "Put that in your pipe and smoke it":

Maggie shoved the thermometer in Aiden’s mouth, cutting him off. “And Aunt Liberty and I are not moving to any fancy ranch house, Mr. O’Shea, so you can just put that in your pipe and smoke it.”

Aiden whipped the thermometer out to glare, shaking it in her face. “For your information, missy, Sister Fred confiscated my pipe the first day, so you can just put that in your stew and stir it.”

5.) TOSS IN A GRENADE WITH Onomatopoeia: Oh, gosh, confession #2 — I absolutely LOVE onomatopoeias!! You know, those wonderful little words that imitate, resemble, or suggest the sound that it describes? Such as those in the two clips below, the first from my novella from the Heart of San Francisco series, Grace Like Rain and the second from my upcoming new novel release, For Love of Liberty, due out later this month (shameful plug here, can be pre-ordered at a discounted rate HERE. The third sample is from Book 3 of my Daughters of Boston series, A Passion Denied.

Ka-boom!

Patience Peabody literally jumped in the air with a squeal, as if goosed by the bolt of lightning that lit up the galley kitchen of McClare, Rupert, and Byington. Heart slamming like the waves of water that battered the window, she poured a steaming cup of coffee with shaky fingers, staring out at a sodden sky that was still two hours from dawn.(Grace Like Rain)

  

🔥

Putting the cup down, she turned away to repin a few stray curls from an alabaster neck he so craved to taste, then smoothed the skirt of her dress like he so longed to do.

Ker-splash!!

Finn blinked, completely caught off-guard by dirty water sluicing down his face onto his favorite shirt. Liberty stood there with an empty bucket in her hand and a smirk on her face while the raucous sounds of “Turkey in the Straw” boomed to the rafters. (For Love of Liberty)

 🔥

Bam, bam, bam. Woof, woof, woof. Brady moaned and flailed a hand over the side of the couch in an effort to calm Miss Hercules, who staggered up, as sleep-drugged as he. “Lay down, girl, and go back to sleep. I can’t move yet.” With a sleepy growl, Miss Hercules plunked against the couch, jarring Brady’s senses.

Boom, boom, boom! The knocks were more insistent now, and Brady stubbed his toe as he scrambled for the door. A swear word he hadn’t uttered in years leapt from his lips, causing heat to shoot up the back of his neck. Breathing hard, he unflipped the lock and hurled the door wide, gritting his teeth against the pain.

“Sweet mother of Job, is this what you look like every morning?”

Brady blinked. The motion produced a nagging ache between his eyes. “Charity. What the devil are you doing here?” (A Passion Denied)

6.) GET CREATIVE WITH ACCEPTABLE SWEAR WORDS: Okay, confession #3 — I like swear words. They add drama, punch, and realism to anything we write, but obviously they are taboo in the Christian market. 

Case in point: In my new contemporary Isle of Hope series, I used words like flippin’, freakin’, and frickin’, only to accrue a number of 2- and 3-star reviews that complained about the language I used. So to safeguard my 5-star rating on each of the books in the series, I deleted all of those words and have gotten nothing but 5-star ratings since with an occasional 4-star. But … I have to admit, the very idea still ticks me off.

In my new Western series, I have a spunky suffragette from Virginia City, Nevada with an Irish temper, so I needed lots of acceptable “emotional slurs” to help create her mood and that of a Wild West town. Here are a few I came up with, but if you want the entire list, you'll find it in my Romance-ology 101 book.

He expelled a noisy breath, wishing with everything in him he could just court her the way that he wanted. “No, darlin’ because I’m pretty darn sure I’m in love with you.”

“Horse apples!” she shouted, and he grinned when she kicked the door. 

 🔥

“Horse biscuits!” He launched to his feet and loomed in to go eye to eye, knuckles white as he leaned on the table. “News flash, Miss Bell, this is not New York City with its fancy airs and la-ti-da ways. This is Virginia City, built on the backs of miners who chew, spit, and swear, and I guarantee if we hire strings, they’ll be stringing me up for defamation of their character.”

She shot up faster than one of those Roman candles they always set off on Fourth of July, with just as many sparks in her eyes. “Oh, now, there’s a valid reason to do things my way. 

                                                    🔥
 

“Horse puddles!” Liberty hissed, occupying herself with flicking paint specks on the grass while her lips jabbed into a scowl. “I just refuse to waste anymore breath on that mule of a man than necessary because he doesn’t listen anyway,” she said with glower in said mule’s direction. She attempted to sidetrack the inquisition with a sudden keen interest in their booth, squinting as she circled to assess. “Just a little more paint, I think, and we should be done, ready to mount the school bell.”

                                                    🔥
 

Her face flushed almost purple, and pleasure coursed through his veins at being able to evoke some sort of emotion from this fire-haired beauty who haunted his dreams. As a God-fearing man, he knew he shouldn’t take such pleasure in baiting one of God’s own, but holy thunder, he never could help himself where Liberty O’Shea was concerned.

7.) CREATE A MOOD WITH COMPARISONS COMMON TO THE STORY: I just LOVE creating a scene where I compare the characters to elements I’ve used in the story. For instance, in the clip below from A Hope Undaunted, both the hero and heroine absolutely adore Nehi grape soda, so there are several scenes throughout the book where Nehis are a part of the plot or humor. It just seemed natural to me, then, to utilize Nehis to describe the heroine’s mood through the eyes of the hero in a scene where’s she’s battling with her father.

     In total fascination, Luke watched a battle being waged between the most stubborn girl he’d ever seen and the man from whom she’d obviously inherited it. Time seemed to still as Katie stared her father down, every muscle strained with resistance. He could hear her shallow breathing as her chest rose and fell in indignation, and the surge of her will appeared so strong that her body seemed to shimmer with intent, ready to explode, like a warm and shaken bottle of pop. And then painfully slow, as if all combustion had seeped out from her bottled anger, she lowered to her seat, the pout on her lips as flat as a week-old glass of Nehi.

8.) USE Opposites TO DRAMATIZE A POINT:  Whoops … well, here we go, another favorite of mine. I just LOVE taking opposite components and juxtaposing them in the same sentence or paragraph for extra drama and effect. Here’s one of my favorites from A Passion Redeemed:

      How long could it possibly take to get over her sister, a woman with whom he’d barely scratched the surface? A woman who was a feast to his eyes but a drought to his soul.

      He sighed. But scratch the surface he had, whether he liked it or not. The lust had finally simmered and stewed, thickening into something he’d tasted before. Longing. Missing. Caring. He closed his eyes. Dear Lord, how long would it take this time?

And here’s another from His Steadfast Love, where I compare the ice cream the hero and heroine are eating to the hero’s thoughts and mood:

“I was wrong,” he said softly, not really realizing till now just how much. “I was being selfish and worrying about my needs more than yours, and God called me on it.”

Spoon paused in her mouth, she snuck another look, caution deepening the blue of her eyes. “How?”

How? He huffed out a sigh and settled back against the seat, scooping more ice cream into his mouth. The sweet taste of cream took an “easy” glide down his throat while his molars crunched “hard” on frozen chocolate, releasing a burst of flavor onto his tongue. Easy and hard. Not unlike his relationship with the woman beside him. 

He chewed while his gaze wandered out the front window. The chunks of peanut butter gave way, melting all the way down. “He called me on it through worrying about you. Thinking about you. Missing the friendship I know we are meant to have.”

9.) USE REALISTIC Analogies TO HELP THE READER RELATE TO THE CHARACTER: Ah, analogies … another favorite of mine! In my opinion, it’s one of the best ways writers can exercise their creativity, and I have a blast doing it whenever I can. Here are a few analogies that I created, comparing the knots in a clover necklace to the knots in the hero's stomach, the shock of a hero's statement compared to a knick on the hand that you don't feel until it starts bleeding, etc. I hope that these analogies helped the reader—and you—to relate a little better and a little more dramatically as to how the hero or heroine were feeling at the moment.

     Her scent—lilac water and Pear’s soap—captured him, tangling his tongue—and his stomach—into more knots than the clover necklace Tillie had strung around neck. (A Light in the Window)

 🔥

     His statement drifted in her brain, its impact silent, slow, and deep, like a knick she didn’t know she had until she saw the blood on her hand. (A Heart Revealed)

🔥

 

     She heard his heavy sigh, and hope flickered in her heart like a dying flame awaiting a gentle breeze. (A Hope Undaunted)

 🔥

     The parlor was as dark as his mood and the foyer as empty as his patience. (A Hope Undaunted)

🔥

 

     “Why?” he asked quietly, and the word made her flinch, like a sudden shaft of light in a dark cellar where roaches and rats skittered. (A Heart Revealed)

10.) use Humor to add more bang to a volatile situation:  I really enjoy using humor in tense situations because I think it enriches the scene without de-fusing the seriousness of it. Here are a few instances where I did that and had a blast, the first from A Passion Redeemed, and the second from A Hope Undaunted.

Mitch wheeled around and slammed the phone on the receiver. The earpiece fused to his hand as if embedded in his palm. He tried to breathe. He couldn’t.

“Hello, Mitch.”

His mouth opened to speak, but nothing came out but shallow air. Ice-cold prickles of heat traveled from the crown of his head to the soles of his feat. He swallowed.

Still no air.

She shifted in the chair, a shimmer of pink satin straining against full breasts while she adjusted her form-fitting skirt. Several seconds passed and his hand was still one with the phone. With a rash of heat up his neck, he slowly removed it, sagging back in the chair.

 🔥

     Katie butted the door open and frowned, brows puckered and mouth parted in surprise. “No, it’s not all right, Lizzie.” She pushed her way in and pulled off her gloves, shoving them in her pockets. “For pity’s sake, I could be frozen to the bone outside, waiting on you to let me say hello to my niece.” 

     She started to unbutton her coat as she barged into the parlor and then stopped mid-stride, all air effectively trapped in her throat. And at that precise moment, “frozen to the bone” was only the tip of the iceberg.

     “Hi, Katie . . . it’s good to see you again.”

     Her jaw dropped like a rock. Good? To see Luke McGee standing in Lizzie’s parlor? With a baby slung over his shoulder as naturally as a sweat rag after a basketball game in the street? Katie tried to breathe. She couldn’t. To speak. Impossible—her tongue was welded to her mouth. She blinked. Good, at least something worked.

11.) Make a Scene Work for You: Every single scene should have a definite reason that moves the story forward. But I like to make a scene work extra hard if I can by accomplishing more than just moving the story forward.

For instance, in my Heart of San Francisco series, I had a scene I planned between the subordinate heroine who was a widow and the subordinate hero, the brother-in-law to whom she was once engaged before he cheated on her twenty years prior. The main reason for the scene was to advance the tension between the two by playing up the friction between their attraction for each other and the heroine’s resolve to never get involved with him again despite his persistent pursuits.

I thought to myself, why not get as much out of this scene as I can? So I put them in a family birthday dinner and dancing scene at the Palace Hotel Ballroom, the pinnacle place to be in 1902 San Francisco. Not only was The Palace Hotel a remarkable historical setting I could play up and give the reader a true glimpse of San Francisco at the turn of the century, but it gave the reader further insight into the wealthy lifestyle of the McClares, one of San Francisco’s most prestigious families.

But still I felt I could do more. So in addition to the main dancing scene between the widow aunt and her brother-in-law, I inserted a conversation between the primary heroine and her aunt, which not only allowed me to provide some very interesting back story via dialogue, but enabled me to strengthen the bond between the heroine niece and her aunt. In addition I was able to provide some spiritual insight throughout their conversation, create more of a family closeness in this family saga, deepen both the heroine’s and subordinate heroine’s insight into the plot and thereby the reader’s, plus gave me an opportunity to give the primary heroine more page time for transition since her scene was next.

So don’t just think of a scene as a way to advance the plot because it can be so much more if you make it work overtime in other areas as well such as setting, family dynamics, spiritual takeaway, and setup for future scenes.

And now, let's go out with a BANG of a giveaway!

GIVEAWAY!

Leave a comment and you're in the draw to win a character named after you in my upcoming release, For Love of Liberty AND win a signed e-copy as well. 

MORE ABOUT FOR LOVE OF LIBERTY:

WHOO-HOO ... I'VE WRITTEN A BRAND-NEW NOVEL!!! The prequel novel for my Silver Lining Ranch Series is now available for PRE-ORDER at 25% off the release-day price, so take advantage!! PRE-ORDER HERE!

ABOUT JULIE:

Nicknamed “The Kissing Queen," Julie began her love affair with romance at the age of twelve after reading Gone With the Wind. Today she writes Irish family sagas that evolve into 3-D love stories: the hero, the heroine, and the God that brings them together.

Author of The Daughters of Boston, Winds of Change, Heart of San Francisco, and Isle of Hope series, Julie was named American Christian Fiction Writers 2009 Debut Author of the Year and has garnered 18 Romance Writers of America and other awards. She was voted #1 Romance Author of the year in Family Fiction magazine’s 2012 and 2011 Readers Choice Awards and named on Booklist’s 2010 Top 10 Inspirational Fiction as well as Borders Best Fiction list. 

Julie has also written a self-help workbook for writers entitled Romance-ology 101: Writing Romantic Tension for the Sweet and Inspirational Markets. You can contact Julie through her website and read excerpts from each of her books at www.julielessman.com.