Your Characters: Close-Up!

I love old movies...
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Hepburn and Tracy. Myrna Loy and William Powell. John Wayne and Maureen O’Hara. And some of those fifties and sixties “feel good” flicks. You know, Doris Day & Rock Hudson. Frankie and Annette. Bobby Darin and Sandra Dee.
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One thing I’ve noticed about old movies is how much they vary in the use of “close-ups” of the actors. Understandably, when moving pictures first debuted, they were often filmed as if viewing the expanse of an entire theatrical stage. But as time went on, it very much seemed to depend on the director and his “vision” for the dramatic telling of the story. Or maybe it was that some directors and cinematographers didn’t fully grasp the power of moving in on their subject.
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Maybe it’s just me, but I’m not as easily drawn into a movie when good close-ups are entirely absent. It’s almost as if I’m observing distant movement, hearing the inflection of voices and the words of dialogue, but never quite “connecting” with the actors. When done well, a close-up allows me to see the slightest nuances of an actor’s expression, the telltale flicker of emotion in his eyes. A good actor and a good close-up can almost enable me to eavesdrop on what they’re thinking.
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Have you ever read a book that you had trouble getting into--and couldn’t immediately figure out why? Maybe only later you realized you struggled because you couldn’t “see” the hero or heroine. Yes, you’d been told he’s broad-shouldered and handsome. Lots of attitude. She’s petite, blonde, pretty. Shy. But if that’s all the closer you get to him or her, it’s very likely you may never “see” them, let alone connect with them at an emotional level. They march across the pages of the book, speaking their lines, but never coming to life.
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For example:

....There was one piece of cherry pie left.
....She reached for the plate. At the same moment, so did someone on the other side of the serving table—Greg Bellamy. She looked up and met his eyes.
....He winked at her. “Looks like we’re both after the same thing.”
....“Sorry,” she said, tossing back her thick, dark braid. “It’s mine. I saw it first.”
....He laughed. “I like a girl who knows what she wants.”
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Okay, this is nice enough, isn’t it? You get a sense of conflict here. The wink tells you there’s some flirtation going on. But take a look at how New York Times bestselling author Susan Wiggs did it in “Dockside.”
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.....There was one piece of cherry pie left. If there was anything that could make Nina forget a cute guy, it was cherry pie from the Sky River Bakery.
.....She reached for the plate. At the same moment, so did someone on the other side of the serving table--Greg Bellamy. She looked up and met his eyes. His Bon-Jovi-blue eyes.
.....He winked at her. “Looks like we’re both after the same thing.”
.....Usually when a guy winked at a girl, it was totally cheesy. Not with Greg Bellamy. When he winked, it nearly made her knees buckle.
.....“Sorry,” she said, tossing back her thick, dark braid. “It’s mine. I saw it first.” Wink or no wink, she wasn’t backing down.
.....He laughed, his voice like melted chocolate. “I like a girl who knows what she wants.”
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See the difference? The author invited us into Nina’s head--for a close-up. With minimal words she adds a deeper dimension to the scene. She injects an immediacy, a flavor, an emotional connection with the character that was otherwise lacking in the first “adequate” example of the scene.
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Notice, too, how it’s written in what’s called deep point of view. No use of “she felt” or “she wondered” or “she thought.”
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Here’s another example:
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.....“I lost,” he told her.”
.....“That didn’t matter to me.”
.....“I screwed up. I—“
.....“You were wonderful,” she said. “Like a tiger out there. I never knew a person could skate so fast...then go straight for the jugular...I saw your face. The camera showed you up close. I felt as if I was right there.”
.....“I’m glad you weren’t--to see me lose.”
.....“But you nearly won.”
.....“Nearly doesn’t count in hockey”
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Engaging dialogue. But...how about this version in New York Times bestseller Luanne Rice’s “Summer Light?”
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.....“I lost,” he told her.
.....“That didn’t matter to me.”
.....“I screwed up. I—“
.....“You were wonderful,” she said. “Like a tiger out there. I never knew a person could skate so fast...then go straight for the jugular...” May didn’t know what she was saying, how to describe her impressions of his game. But as she talked, she sensed some of the tightness leave his body. He didn’t say anything, but as she looked into his eyes, she felt him listening. “I saw your face. The camera showed you up close. I felt as if I was right there.”
.....“I’m glad you weren’t--to see me lose.”
.....“But you nearly won.”
.....“Nearly doesn’t count in hockey”
.....May didn’t know what to say to that.
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Again, minimal words rather than paragraph-length asides, but there’s an enriching dimension added to the scene when we see it from within the thoughts of the viewpoint character.
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What might it have been like had the scene been written from the hero’s point of view?
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.....“I lost.” Martin’s jaw tightened as he avoided May’s too-tender gaze. She felt sorry for him. Just what he didn’t need right now--her pity.
.....“That didn’t matter to me,” she said, her soft words thrumming in his ears.
Who was she trying to kid? How could it not matter to her? Winning was everything in this business or you wouldn’t be in it for long. He looked like an idiot out on the ice tonight. To the fans. To his coach and team. To her.
.....“I screwed up. I--”
.....He tensed as she touched his arm.
.....“You were wonderful. Like a tiger out there. I never knew a person could skate so fast...then go straight for the jugular. I saw your face. The camera showed you up close. I felt as if I was right there.”
.....“I’m glad you weren’t--to see me lose.”
.....“But you nearly won.”
.....“Nearly doesn’t count in hockey.” Didn’t she get it? But nevertheless, he leaned in closer, clutching at her words just as a drowning man might grasp a life-line tossed into the stormy waves.
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So today, let’s practice! Pick one of the three examples below and briefly flesh it out with a “close up” – getting inside a SINGLE character’s head to reveal more about them and their “take” on what’s happening in the dialogue snippet. THEN, try writing the same dialogue clip from the OTHER character’s point of view.
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“I’m not going with you, and that’s that.”
“Why are you being so stubborn?”
“I’m not being stubborn. I just have a lot going on.”
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“We’re leaving tomorrow.”
“I know.”
“I'm not sure when we’ll be back.”
“I know that, too.”
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“I’ll handle this on my own.”
“You think you can?”
“I know I can.”
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Have fun!
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If you’d like to be entered in a drawing for a copy of my August 2011 release “At Home In His Heart” (an RT Book Reviews “Reviewers Choice Award” nominee) and a 2012 decorative calendar ideal for keeping track of your deadlines, please mention it in the comments section--then watch our Weekend Edition for the winner!
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Glynna Kaye’s Love Inspired “Dreaming of Home” was a 2010 finalist in the “Carol Award” and “Maggie Award,” as well as a first place winner of the 2010 “Booksellers Best” and “Beacon” awards. Glynna’s most recent release “At Home In His Heart” (August 2011) garnered a 4 ½ star review from national magazine “RT Book Reviews.” Her “High Country Hearts” debuts in March 2012.