The Shadow World Of An Unpublished Writer

A few weeks ago, I came across a hand-written journal I'd kept years ago regarding my writing journey. Of course, I couldn't reisist opening the spiral notebook to eavesdrop on the Self I was long before I was finally published in 2009.

.

Interestingly, some of the passages from days gone by could be cut and pasted directly into today’s writing journal! A common theme was struggling to find time and energy to write in the midst of a demanding day job, relationships, household duties, church and myriad other responsibilities. Then as now, I was striving to push myself to progress in the publication realm while living life the way I believe God wants it to be lived.

.

One thing that especially struck me in reading through this snapshot from the past, is what a shadow world I lived in as an unpublished writer. For the longest time, few outside my immediate family were aware I lived a “double life.” I early on learned the hard way that mentioning in casual conversation my interest in writing a book or having won a contest would ensure I’d be badgered to share my fledgling efforts. I’d be bombarded by well-intentioned “when can I buy your book?” and…as the time rolled on… “you’re still not published? Why’s it taking so long?”

.
If you can relate to this, please raise your hand!

.

To protect my fragile little ego, I became quite adept at flying under the radar. If I took vacation from work to attend a conference, I’d only mention the city I was going to, but not why I was going there. I didn’t mention RWA meetings or my increasing contest success.
.

I kept mum in letters to friends (“I don’t want letter after letter going out feeling like I have to give everyone a status report on my continuing failure”). I knew from experience that those who didn’t understand the publishing industry would expect overnight success when I knew how far I had to go to be a good storyteller, to learn the basics of the craft, to find my “voice” and catch the eye of an agent and editor. There was still so very much to learn. (And remember—this was before a day when you were just a keyboard touch away from the world of writers, agents, editors and writing classes on-line.) It always came down to trusting God to keep the dream alive. “Sometimes, young Luke,” I wrote in my journal, “you just have to close your eyes and let The Force be with you…”

.

So I lived an undercover life. Lived in a shadow world. It was only when I discovered an every-other-month RWA group and writing conferences that I was free to talk about writing, to share my positive (and negative) contest feedback. Free to dream aloud. I wrote in my journal: “It’s different sharing with other writers. They understand and don’t think you’re a total weirdo.”
.

Looking forward to a regional writer’s conference, I optimistically wrote: “This will be one weekend I don’t have to hide my contest successes. I don’t have to feel self-conscious or apologetic because I’m not published yet. I don’t have to play down my dreams. I AM writing a book. I AM almost done with it and ready for revisions. I AM already a Maggie and Orange Rose finalist. I AM going to find an agent. I AM going to get published! And this weekend I’m free to be ME!”

.
I continued: “Writing under the radar has been a bit like being a Princess in exile. No one knows who you really are, except those closest to you. Everyone sees you as an insignificant fellow laborer, oblivious of your true identity. But deep inside you know you’re a Princess and one day—if you persevere, work hard and cooperate with God, you’ll gain the promised kingdom He has planned for the gift of writing He gave you. It will be yours! So this weekend I get to shed my Cinderella rags for a few hours at the ball—a taste of what is yet to come!”
.
And yet, even then, the conference experience was a shadowy world of its own…
.
While at the conference, I wrote: “A part of me says ‘what am I doing here with all these people?’ Who am I trying to fool? I feel like a phony. A fake. Like I’m here on false pretenses, a hanger on peering in the window of a dream others have attained. Will I ever attend one of these things with a dozen books under my belt and say I DID IT! I made it. I paid my dues. Here are my battle scars.”
.
Only time would tell.
.
It would be years and years after I wrote those words before I’d be published. Little did I know as I penned my journal, that two years later my health would take an abrupt nose dive. I’d be forced into a sabbatical from writing for 5-6 years. But God is faithful and He didn’t permit the dream to die. He drew it out from the ashes and dusted it off. Set it back on its feet. And when a few more years down the road I once again stumbled, questioned that publication was truly God’s plan for me, He sent me my Seeker pals.
.

And today I’m writing my eighth contracted book.

.

Like my fellow Seekers, I’ll never forget that shadow world, that foggy, mist-filled land of Is-This-God’s-Will-For-Me? Do-I-Have-What-It-Takes-To-Get-There? The land where The Dream seemed close at times, yet just out of reach. That’s what Seekerville is all about…giving back to other writers what we wished we’d have had more of in those shadowy days. Lessons in craft. Industry insights. Encouragement to keep persevering. We’re sharing with others what we as Seekers shared with each other on the sometimes rocky road to publication.

.

If you’re an unpublished writer, today please share with us your own experiences in this “shadow world.” And those of you who are now published, please look back on your pre-pubbed days to share anecdotes and a word of encouragement to those who are still persevering on the journey toward publication.

.

If you’d like to be entered in a drawing for a September release set of Glynna-Ruthy-Debby books, please mention it in the comments section, then check our Weekend Edition for the winner announcement!

.

Glynna Kaye’s debut book “Dreaming of Home” was a finalist in the ACFW Carol and Maggie awards, as well as a first place winner of the “Booksellers Best” and “Beacon” awards. Her 4 1/2 star “At Home In His Heart” was chosen as a Reviewers Choice finalist by national magazine RT Book Reviews. “A Canyon Springs Courtship,” her sixth Love Inspired book (and the fifth set in the mountain country of Arizona), releases in September 2013--with two more contracted for 2014!