It’s All in the Details: Make Your Scenes Come Alive

Hi, everyone! I’m Candice Sue Patterson, and I write contemporary romance for Pelican Book Group. One thing that can be said about me is that I’m a detail-oriented writer. When I read, I want to be sucked into the scene—feel the sea spray on my face, taste the warm, tangy butter of the grilled lobster the hero is indulging. I want to connect with the characters. I want to laugh, cry, and fume along with them. Since I may never get the opportunity to travel the world, I also want to become a temporary resident of the setting—if only in my mind.

These things are vital to me when reading a novel. They capture my attention by creating a mini-movie in my brain. Am I weird? Probably. ;)

As a writer, I’m always careful to utilize these tools to create cinematic magic in my reader’s heads too. Today, let’s explore how to enhance your scenes during the revision/editing process by adding rich details using all five senses, choosing calculated words to convey a mood, getting deep into the hearts and minds of your characters, and creating a setting that sticks with your readers. 


We’ll start with the five senses. We all know them: taste, touch, smell, sight, and sound. Why are they important to a manuscript? Pavlov and his salivating dogs. Our senses are attached to our psyche. As we go throughout our day, we use these senses—usually without conscious thought—and they play a large part in how we respond to the world around us. Same for your characters. 

For example, your heroine walks into a coffee shop. One of the first things she would notice—even before fully stepping indoors—is the aroma. Smell. Rich, bold, made to order. Perhaps the peppermint flavoring draws her attention and coaxes her to stray from her normal dark roast. After all, today is the day she emerges from the comfortable box she’s built around herself and proposes her revolutionary idea to her boss, who, of course, will promote her to partner. Or maybe the smell of peppermint reminds her of Christmas, the season her twin sister was tragically killed in a car accident, and it causes her to lose her appetite for caffeine altogether, decides her boss is going to hate her idea, and leave. 

The next thing she would notice immediately is the number of customers, especially the ones in line ahead of her. Sight. If she’s in a hurry that number could affect her stress level, especially if she’s running late for said meeting, which may or may not cause her to be terse with the handsome stranger (aka future husband) in front of her who’s taking forever deciding what to order. If time is on her side today, however, she might take stepping out of that box a bit further and flirt with the handsome stranger. 

What about sound? The low hum of chatter, the whoosh of an expresso machine, 90s soft rock playing at a low decibel, the hustle of baristas filling orders. If your heroine is at the shop for caffeine and creativity, and perhaps a little match-making, she’s in the right place. But maybe her sister’s favorite Bryan Adams love song, along with the peppermint, becomes too much to bear on such an important day and, in the middle of her eyelash batting at the stranger, she grabs her filled order and flees the shop in tears. 

As she steps back onto the busy sidewalk, hand wrapped around her paper cup, her thoughts reel, and she steps aside for a few deep breaths. The warmth of the liquid seeps into her hand, calming her enough to refocus on the importance of this day. If her boss accepts the proposal, a new foundation will be created in her sister’s honor to help families of drunk driving victims. Perhaps the handsome stranger follows her out and introduces himself. She takes his offered hand, and the enticing combination of callouses and soft skin sends a bolt of attraction up her arm. Touch. It just so happens they’re heading in the same direction and agree to walk together. 

A block away, they pause at the flashing hand telling them not to cross the street, and she sips her peppermint coffee. It glides down her throat and invigorates her senses. Once again, she’s confident and in control. Until they reach her building and they decide to swap numbers. Her thumbs pause over her cell phone when the stranger reveals his last name. As recognition dawns, the peppermint turns rancid on her tongue. Taste. The handsome stranger is the drunk driver who killed her sister—convicted, served, and in desperate need of forgiveness. 

See how the senses are connected with our actions? Including such details will bring a richness to your scenes your readers can identify with. 

Now, let’s talk setting. Every book has to have one. Your setting should make sense to the storyline, fit your characters, and portray the right cultures and customs. Transylvania wouldn’t be scary in the heart of Amish country, and the battle between Captain Ahab and Moby Dick wouldn’t be the same set in the Sahara Desert, so don’t drop your characters in settings that don’t make sense. 

Done right, your setting can become a character in itself. My novel How to Charm a Beekeeper’s Heart is set in a fictional town on Mt. Desert Island, Maine. I didn’t want to just tell my readers this by having the hero drive past a “Welcome to” sign on his way through town. By the time readers complete the novel, I want them to feel like they’ve visited there. 

Here’s a short description from a scene where the hero and heroine meet at a popular seafood shack built atop a peninsula to discuss the rental property debacle they’ve been thrown into. The heroine is most affected by the outcome, as it could leave her and her young daughter homeless. 

Foamy waves crashed against jagged boulders, churning the greenish water. The color reminded Arianne of the jade Depression glass her grandma used to display on shelves in the summer kitchen. She missed the security of those days, the sun’s warmth washing over her through the windows at sunrise, bouncing prisms of light off Grandma’s collections.

She paused for a moment to enjoy the scenery, and inhaled a deep breath to steady the orchestra of nerves playing a grand concerto in her stomach. The woodwinds carried the melody of anxiety, mingled with brass notes of nausea. Then the string section played the slow, mournful tune of what loomed in her future. It would be beautiful music, really if it wasn’t her life’s song. 

Earlier, I mentioned how words can convey a certain mood. That’s what I’ve done here along with describing the amazing view of the restaurant (continued throughout the scene). Allow me to dissect these sentences to show my technique. 

Foamy waves crashed against jagged boulders, churning the greenish water. 

Foamy gives the waves texture. Crashed gives the waves sound. Jagged gives the boulders dimension. Churning and greenish gives the water movement and color. That may not seem like much, but look at the sentence without some of those words. 

Waves crashed against boulders, churning the water. 

The picture isn’t as three-dimensional. The sentence, and thus the setting for this scene, wouldn’t come alive. And those details cause the heroine to reflect on a childhood memory, back to a simpler time in her life when decisions weren’t so complicated and she felt safe and loved. 

Now, let’s dissect the second paragraph. 

She paused for a moment to enjoy the scenery, and inhaled a deep breath to steady the orchestra of nerves playing a grand concerto in her stomach. The woodwinds carried the melody of anxiety, mingled with brass notes of nausea. Then the string section played the slow, mournful tune of what loomed in her future. It would be beautiful music, really if it wasn’t her life’s song.

We’ve all heard an orchestra. The musicians are skilled, on alert, and passionate during a performance. A grand concerto is a complex set of music with various tempos and tones. I used this analogy to describe her body’s physical reaction to fear.  You can see the depth of her emotions because you can relate to it. We’ve all heard the aforementioned instruments, and many of us have an appreciation for classically played music. Even the more somber sounding pieces. None of us, however, want those depressing notes to become our life’s soundtrack. 

With these two paragraphs, I’ve not only set the scene and mood, but I’ve also included three of the five senses. A writer should set up every scene right away so the reader can envision where the action is taking place. To help me achieve good setting descriptions, I continually immerse myself with pictures I’ve scoured from the internet or books and magazines. I use Scrivener to write my manuscripts, which gives the option of placing pictures on the sidebar when writing. Pinterest is another great source.  

Last but not least, let’s get into our characters’ psyche. Why is this important? There’s nothing more boring than reading underdeveloped characters. In real-life, we’re around people every day. It’s okay if we don’t know all their business. But in a novel, we need to be in their heads, feel what they feel, know what makes them tick. That takes psychology. 

It’s not enough to know the heroine abhors alcohol. We need to know why she abhors alcohol. When sketching your characters, ask why, and keep asking why until you can’t go any further. So, as I mentioned above, the heroine abhors alcohol. Why? She doesn’t like seeing the negative effects it has on those who drink it. Why? Growing up, her father drank every night when he’d come home from work. Why? Her father was a cop, and he relied on alcohol to cope with the things he did and saw in his job. When he drank, he ignored his daughters, whose mother had died, forcing the heroine to step into an adult role and raise her younger sister, thus stealing her childhood. 

Push your characters to their limits and use words, body language, and actions that stir the emotions you want to convey. In my novella, Silver White Winters, the heroine, a country music singer struggling to revamp her career after rehab, returns to her childhood home in West Virginia when she discovers her dad and brother are trapped in a coal mine collapse. Pay attention to the highlighted words as some of the miners are rescued. 


A woman screamed.

Bodies shifted into action.

Reporters and cameramen pushed their way to the main gate.

Raelynn grabbed Mama’s hand and followed.

The Hudson Mine rep walked toward the gate. Men trailed behind him, but they were too far away to recognize.

Sirens split the night. Red and blue lights flashed in the darkness. Three ambulances parted the crowd as they drove to the gate opened by uniformed guards.

Mama crushed Raelynn’s fingers in her own.

Paramedics left the vehicles and ran to the approaching group.

The crowd hushed.

Raelynn slapped a hand over her mouth as she spied the miner’s uniforms, sooty skin. 
She almost didn’t believe the scene, afraid it was a mirage.

“Daddy!”

Raelynn looked up at the little girl next to her, propped on a man’s shoulders. Tears 
streamed down the child’s face as she yelled the word over and over.

Raelynn’s body convulsed with sobs.

Claps and laughter erupted. People hugged one another.

Mama bounced up and down with girlish energy, nearly pulling Raelynn’s arm out of 
socket.

The first miner limped beside a gurney, wheeled by a female EMT. His face, flooded by halogen light from the flagpole made Raelynn’s heart soar. “Billy!” [her brother]

See how my verb and adjective choices show movement and emotion? This heroine is pushed to her limits later in this scene upon discovering who was responsible for the rescue. 

When attempting to get into your characters’ psyche, put yourself in their shoes. Pretend you’re the one in their situation. How would you react? What would you say in response? What body language would you have? Then ask, does that match this character’s backstory and personality? 

Nothing I’ve mentioned here today is revolutionary to the world of writing and not every author uses the same techniques. These are the ones that work for me. Thanks for letting me stop by and chat today! 



Now, let’s hear from you. What helps you ground your readers into the setting? How do you sneak into your characters’ psyche? How do you incorporate the five senses? 

Today Candice is generously giving away a print copy of How to Charm a Beekeeper's Heart to one commenter. And Seekerville is giving away an ecopy! Winners announced in the Weekend Edition.

Weddings are the last thing beekeeper Huck Anderson wants to be associated with, considering his past. So when he inherits a building occupied by a bridal boutique, he aims to evict the failing business and open a sporting goods store. That is until his tenant ends up being Arianne Winters, a woman he's indebted to from a mistake made years ago. When a life-threatening injury derails Huck entirely, Arianne offers a compromise to keep her boutique and her life out of bankruptcy-she'll aid in his lengthy recovery if he'll allow her to remain in his building. But nursing her adversary proves challenging when her adolescent crush resurfaces. Amidst a battle-of-wills, their lives intertwine in unexpected ways, providing opportunity to overcome their pasts and start anew. Will this confirmed bachelor consider holy-matrimony, or will Huck's choices sting them a second time?

~ Candice Sue Patterson studied at the Institute of Children’s Literature and is an active member of American Christian Fiction Writers. She lives in Indiana with her husband and three sons in a restored farmhouse overtaken by books. Candice writes Modern Vintage Romance—where the past and present collide with faith. Her novel How to Charm a Beekeeper’s Heart was a 2012 ACFW First Impressions finalist and made INSPYs Longlist for 2016. For more on Candice, visit her website at www.candicesuepatterson.com.